Biginoil's Record Collection Reading !

Biggy submitted these;

The first single you ever owned: Rock me Baby The first LP you ever owned: Neil's Heavy Concept Album (Nigel Planer out of The Young Ones) The first gig you went to: James GMex. 89? The last gig you went to: New Order Manc v Cancer Most embarrassing record in your collection: INXS Your favourite LP: Technique Your favourite Video: Run Your favourite piece of memorabilia in your collection: NO - Peel Viking Badge. Non-NO - Signed 1st Edition of Hunter S. Thompson's Fire in the Nuts

Your first single is a reminder of your parents violently rocking you as punishment for drinking all the alcohol in your house. It was also at this time you were forced to have a Mullet Hairstyle, something which will return.

You were astonished to discover that Hippies are not real but actors, as was proved at the Equity card convention held in Glastonbury last year.

You foolishly went to meet yer mate James in a bloody great hall in Manchester, but didn't realise another 10, 000 people had all agreed to meet in the same place , you never saw James again.

You attended a recent meeting at the Alcoholics from NOOL at Joshua Brooks, and was so pissed that you claimed I had an Hawaiian Shirt on.

Your favorite album is the same as Shug's ( it is clear you have engaged in homosexual activity with him, as I know you gave him a copy of Bummed by the Monday's).

INXS oh my God, te ofrces of darkness are upon us. Repent Child. Say 3 Age of Consents and 6 Doubts even here.

Your choice of video is disturbing and hides a dark secret, which is you aspire to be a drum majorette.

Again you lie about your favourite memorabila, IT IS THE DIGGY MIKE AUDIENCE RECORDING FROM BRIXTON.

You are a a complex character who is best suited to fellow NOOler MISSY JEM

Well worth staying up for!

Shug wrote: Bummer.

Hello dear!

Hello dear!

Yer talking out yer arse!

I have made an amendment to your reading, I have just realised you have an INXS record in your collection.

I thought I'd got off lightly there! Not like you to miss something that bad.

By way of mitigation, I offer the following:

• I nicked it from a girl I was going out with years ago. I only did it to be spiteful because I knew she liked the album so much. The cow.

• I only once played it once: I DJed at a student ball and someone threatened to kill me if I played any more New Order or Mondays. I played half of one track then put on 24 Hour Party People, I recall.

• The cover has my brown vomit on it from when I drank loads of Newcastle Brown and was sick out of my bedroom window, splattering my record collection with the vile brown foamy goo.

• Despite being forced by my mother to clean the front of the house with a hose-pipe, I did not clean the record cover the next morning. Velvet Underground and Nico was the only other record to be hit and I managed to get that one quite clean.

• I removed the dust cover from this record so that I could place a 12" in it so that I could put the picture cover from the 12" on the wall.

• Shortly after that, I showered this record in brick dust as I drilled a hole to erect speaker brackets. The absence of the dust cover means that the red dust is all over the vinyl. I didn't even bother to clean that off either, so it's probably unplayable anyway.

Do I win £40?

BIGINOIL wrote: I thought I'd got off lightly there! Not like you to miss something that bad.

By way of mitigation, I offer the following:

• I nicked it from a girl I was going out with years ago. I only did it to be spiteful because I knew she liked the album so much. The cow.

• I only once played it once: I DJed at a student ball and someone threatened to kill me if I played any more New Order or Mondays. I played half of one track then put on 24 Hour Party People, I recall.

• The cover has my brown vomit on it from when I drank loads of Newcastle Brown and was sick out of my bedroom window, splattering my record collection with the vile brown foamy goo.

• Despite being forced by my mother to clean the front of the house with a hose-pipe, I did not clean the record cover the next morning. Velvet Underground and Nico was the only other record to be hit and I managed to get that one quite clean.

• I removed the dust cover from this record so that I could place a 12" in it so that I could put the picture cover from the 12" on the wall.

• Shortly after that, I showered this record in brick dust as I drilled a hole to erect speaker brackets. The absence of the dust cover means that the red dust is all over the vinyl. I didn't even bother to clean that off either, so it's probably unplayable anyway.

Do I win £40?

Methinks he doth protest too much...

Snorri xxx

OK digi...just say "when" mate and you can psycho analyse the legend that is .....me :D

Do I win £40?

No

That is so mad, that I believe it is true, I mean why would anyone want an Inxs lp except down to the circumstances you describe.

SLIDE OVER HERE and say that.

I'll KICK your ass

Only joking, YOU'RE ONE OF MY KIND.

Steve Campbell wrote: OK digi...just say "when" mate and you can psycho analyse the legend that is .....me :D

I can't stay around for that - I'm off to stick a large orange in my mouth and strangle myself for a bit.

Mr Campbell, your offerings please.

Snorriman you ae after Steve, check the threads

here's yer ammo brother mike.....

The first single you ever owned:Stingray Theme The first LP you ever owned: Genesis of the Daleks The first gig you went to: FGTH King's Hall Belfast The last gig you went to: New Order, Apollo manc Most embarrassing record in your collection:Erasure, Sometimes Your favourite LP: Technique Your favourite Video: perfect kiss Your favourite piece of memorabilia in your collection: My apollo ticket

"Digital Mike Binoche" wrote: Mr Campbell, your offerings please.

Snorriman you ae after Steve, check the threads

Right-ho, hadn't read the other thread before I posted my offerings...

Snorri xxx

The first single you ever owned: Batdance - Prince

The first LP you ever owned: The Ultimate Movie Soundtrack

The first gig you went to: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Slaine Castle

The last gig you went to: Nine Black Alps, Spring and Airbrake

Most embarrassing record in your collection: My Oh My - Aqua

Your favourite LP: Killing Joke (1980)

Your favourite Video: Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd

Your favourite piece of memorabilia in your collection: Technique, signed by Hooky

I am closing this thread, I will reopen a new one when I am in a position to do a new reading.

Chris I will tackle yous soon.