103 replies · 1,374 views
In an earlier thread i mentioned i used to work with a guy called Gordon Bennett. This thread is for other funny names.
My Great Aunt was called Pearl Button (honestly - no shit).
I also used to work with a guy called Simon Pinder, his wife was called Linda - Linda Pinder!
The provider of the funniest name wins £40*
*not really
is 40 quid the going rate for some nose candy or something (or just a round of drinks in that god forsaken country)....people always seem to expect 40 quid around here.???? Wasn't Gordon Bennet a footbaler? who was unfortunate enough to have his name co-opted as a meta-swearword for God?
Can't think of any people's names except the guy who works on Buffy the vampire Slayer who's called "Thomas Wanker".
But locally we have 3 interesting companies.
Star removals (OW!) Star Rentals (who presumably, one calls to rent one after having yours removed).
And. I shit you not and will take a pic f you don;t believe me.
"S+M Furniture" LOL
(apologies to those who heard this in Chat, I do so hate reusing material)
there really was a Richard Head at my school....how the fuck could you do that to your offspring....the parents want floggins.
Is it time to raise surnames that Rhyme with rude words yet Jemma?
Lucyjane wrote: I had a Great Aunt called Elsie Mettrick (el-symmetric)not a lie!
Shouldn't you be studying young lady 
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote: You've just reminded me of a lad called Dwayne Pipe!!!
PLEASE tell me you lie?
( I think I need to call Leanne in on this, she knows a few blinders)
I kid you not - at work I saw a marriage certificate:
Groom's surname was Cock, Bride's was Dick.
Steve Campbell wrote: there really was a Richard Head at my school....how the fuck could you do that to your offspring....the parents want floggins.
Is it time to raise surnames that Rhyme with rude words yet Jemma?
Yeah, lets do em all!
Theresa Green (although i might be making that one up)
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote: You've just reminded me of a lad called Dwayne Pipe!!!
I've heard a story about him. And heard someone on radio say they knew him.
Urban myth me thinks..
Wish I hadn't been off work so long....we get an endless stream of them.
Did have an email to deal with one night from a Mr.... D. Alek
LOL, it took some SERIOUS self control that reply.
(knob turpin moment....if you still have that chat URL Jem, use it....unless you're actually ignoring me as opposed to not getting me mail...in which case, ignore away matey LOL)
Barney Army wrote:
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote: You've just reminded me of a lad called Dwayne Pipe!!!
I've heard a story about him. And heard someone on radio say they knew him.
Urban myth me thinks..
I agree, it's always a friend of a friend who knows him.
well ther WAS a Mr zebidee in the NI phonebook once....and oh how we laughted, phoning him up to say "boing" and "shall we go".
a friend of ours is called richard puffe. his parents being German didn't know any better. he is known as dick puff. although the German pronunciation is poofe
How unfortunate.
Had one I had to look up today - poor kid's name was spelt "Manwell", poor bastard.
there was once a racing driver called "Roland Ratzenberger"....oh how the Roland Rat gags flowed.
(At least til the guy sweared himself all over the armco at the Villienuve kink at imola.)
Trevor Marmalade on the Footy show in Australia is a good one. not sure if its his real one though
and there was Ranald (not Ronald) McDonald who played Aussie Rules footy for North Melbourne in the AFL many years ago.
some parents really don't have much imagination. how many people with the last name of wayne have a middle name of john. the really funny thing about this that his real name was actually marion.
Two of the staff in the Geology department at Rhodes University were Professors Bedrock and Mountain!
Must have had a calling..
well, talking of callings...
Current F1 driver...."Scott Speed"
(he's a yank tho, it's more like "scott graveltrap"
My great-grandparents on my mother's side were named Ushi and Kame. The names are translated into Cow and Turtle.
[magenta]shedmonite61[/magenta] wrote: My great-grandparents on my mother's side were named Ushi and Kame. The names are translated into Cow and Turtle.
Well if you wanna play it that way.....
Campbell means "crooked mouth" (bullshitter, gobshite)
And Stephen apparently means "prince or crowned one".
We're back to callings again :D
Steve Campbell wrote:
SISTER SHED wrote: Cozzie :evil:
Serbian prostitute.....
Slabberdown macockyabic
Is that what her name means then?
Ouch
No, Sis. Cozmonite61 is my way of saying Cosmopolitan. I don't read the mag, but love to travel. The 61 signifies the 61st year of Emperor Hirohito's Showa reign, 1986, which is the year I was born.
Steve Campbell wrote:
Well if you wanna play it that way.....
And Stephen apparently means "prince or crowned one".
We're back to callings again :D
Got to be 'ph' though, eh?!
Nice thread this...
At my school we had teachers called Mr Lister and Dr Proctor.
The games teachers were called Mr Reah and Mr Pike.
There was a girl on my road called Joanne King.
My Dad's mate called his son Wayne Bow.
MJ, I've emailed you my address - send the £40 at once, I win.
[magenta]shedmonite61[/magenta] wrote: No, Sis. Cozmonite61 is my way of saying Cosmopolitan. I don't read the mag, but love to travel. The 61 signifies the 61st year of Emperor Hirohito's Showa reign, 1986, which is the year I was born.
too much thought into that if you ask me.
ChrissMari wrote:
[magenta]shedmonite61[/magenta] wrote: No, Sis. Cozmonite61 is my way of saying Cosmopolitan. I don't read the mag, but love to travel. The 61 signifies the 61st year of Emperor Hirohito's Showa reign, 1986, which is the year I was born.
too much thought into that if you ask me.
Chrissi, we use Emperor's years in Japan.
[black]Diamond[/black] wrote: At my school we had teachers called Mr Lister and Dr Proctor.
The games teachers were called Mr Reah and Mr Pike.
There was a girl on my road called Joanne King.
My Dad's mate called his son Wayne Bow.
MJ, I've emailed you my address - send the £40 at once, I win.
Not so fast mate, this thread ain't over til the fat lady sings.
Phil McCracken
bad luck Diamond. ( tho I suspect Jem pays up in those very same cheques related to the depth of snow on the shores of the lake of fire)
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote:
Not so fast mate, this thread ain't over til the fat lady sings.
MMMPHHH!
[black]Diamond[/black] wrote:
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote:
Not so fast mate, this thread ain't over til the fat lady sings.
MMMPHHH!
well well well....looks like when she's done kicking my arse you're next mate. Still, at least I'll have a cold one waiting on the bar when you get to the afterlife.
My mum once faxed someone in canada called 'Yudi Plonka'. Not sure if it was 'Yu' for short.
just googled the name and he does exist
BA wins!! Well done BA.
:\party:
The cheques in the post, but you know what the Royal Mail is like.
[black]Diamond[/black] wrote:
She's busy today!
Well at least now I know how sumo wrestlers retract their genitals on command.
when a second cousin of mine had a son last year she named him beowulf.
my great-grandmother's name was fanny.
the middle school science teachers at the school i work at are named chick and twedt (pronounced tweet).
i went to high school with a girl named saasha celestial-one.
there was a girl at the last school i taught at with the vietnamese last name phuc.
the biggest celebrity interviewer (with his own TV show, and all) in israel is named guy penis.
AgentWood wrote: when a second cousin of mine had a son last year she named him beowulf.
my great-grandmother's name was fanny.
the middle school science teachers at the school i work at are named chick and twedt (pronounced tweet).
i went to high school with a girl named saasha celestial-one.
there was a girl at the last school i taught at with the vietnamese last name phuc.
the biggest celebrity interviewer (with his own TV show, and all) in israel is named guy penis.
I dunno..I reckon you trumped Ba for the 40 bills Agent. not my thread tho, up to her ladyship.
State of Love and Trust wrote: No joke, there is a guy in my school in the year below me called Daniel Muff.
no naval commanders on yer dad's side of the family Jack?
Used to know a Caroline Hiscock (C. Hiscock)... Taught a girl called Amelia Rowland-Munt a few years ago... Mate of mine used to claim he had a great aunt called Ophelia Ball...
SHEDi xxx
At work we often hire test equipment from WAYNE KERR electronics.
My shift partner at the minute is Dick Fountain (he insists on being called Dick, not Richard).
We had a Mr Hunt at school. Oh how we laughed when we found out his first name was Isaac.
My aunt is called Theresa Elms.
LE Roberts wrote: Hugh Jorgan
Hmm, suspiciously like one of Bart Simpson's calls to Moe's bar! e.g. Is anyone here Jass? A Hugh Jass?
Hey Magroin!! Pat Magroin!!
I need Hugginkiss!! Amanda Hugginkiss!!
Anyone seen Mike Rotch Lately?
Phone for McCrackin, Phil McCrackin!!
Is anyone here Wayne King
Isabelle Ringing? Hey Isabelle Ringing
Everyone put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle
Is a Bath here? Guys! Guys! Anita Bath
Klosoff Wanted? Can I have Oliver Klosoff?
O'Problem? Do I have a Bea O'Problem?
Butts! Butts! I wana Seymour Butts!!
Is Daily Here? Oy!! I.P Daily!!
Say Magroin!! Who's Holden Magroin
Anyone here an Al Coholic
Pidass please! A Stu Pidass is wanted on the phone!!
Excuse Me Strap!A Jock Strap please
Have some funny changes of name here:
Felicity Electricity Tarquin Biscuit-Barrell
Someone also changed their name a few years ago for an election - Legalise Marijuana.
I went to school with a girl, who every time they called her name over the intercom, my friends and I would get a case of the giggles...Cheryl Screws...
And one of my sisters had two friends (who were sisters) Wendy and Stormy....I later met their other two sisters, Rainey and Haley...I just thought those parents were on CRACK!!!
Generic wrote: I) Wendy and Stormy....I later met their other two sisters, Rainey and Haley...I just thought those parents were on CRACK!!!
Bet they're still trying for Sonny!
ha, looks like the Toby Smallpiece I once spoke to is doing well for himself!
State of Love and Trust wrote: No joke, there is a guy in my school in the year below me called Daniel Muff.
Well, Jack is Master Bates 
i went out with someone called cindy horst at school
there is a local car dealers called dick lovett
know someone who was called sydney harbour-bridge.
hibster wrote:
know someone who was called sydney harbour-bridge.
You've gotta be kidding me!!
Also, an American Actor, Rip Torn - what a name!
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote:
hibster wrote:
know someone who was called sydney harbour-bridge.
i know where he lives. next to the opera house.
Was watching some dodgy documentary one night and they had a meteorologist on who was called. "North East West" I shit you not....his real name too.
(PS, I think it's wise Jack using his mum's name.....means his reputation doesn't preceed him LOL)
[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote:
Also, an American Actor, Rip Torn - what a name!
Ain't his real name though...
BTW...someone mentioned a Tarquin biscuit barrle or something.....i was too twatted at the time, but it's short for....
tarquin lintim wimbim bimbim bustop ftang ftang ole biscuit barrell (silly party)
Steve Campbell wrote: BTW...someone mentioned a Tarquin biscuit barrle or something.....i was too twatted at the time, but it's short for....
tarquin lintim wimbim bimbim bustop ftang ftang ole biscuit barrell (silly party)
Ok, what?
Sheddo wrote:
Steve Campbell wrote: BTW...someone mentioned a Tarquin biscuit barrle or something.....i was too twatted at the time, but it's short for....
tarquin lintim wimbim bimbim bustop ftang ftang ole biscuit barrell (silly party)
Ok, what?
Yeah wtf??!?
Im on msn get on here shedmeister sheddo
Sheddo wrote:
Steve Campbell wrote: BTW...someone mentioned a Tarquin biscuit barrle or something.....i was too twatted at the time, but it's short for....
tarquin lintim wimbim bimbim bustop ftang ftang ole biscuit barrell (silly party)
Ok, what?
Voice Over: Here at Luton it's a three-cornered fight between Alan Jones - Sensible Party, in the middle, Tarquin Fin- tim- lim- bim- whin- bim- lim- bus- stop- F'tang- F'tang- Olè- Biscuitbarrel - Silly Party, and Kevin Phillips-Bong, the Slightly Silly candidate. Officer: Alan Jones... Voice Over: On the left, Sensible Party Officer : 9,112... Kevin Phillips-Bong... Voice Over: On the right, Slightly Silly. Officer: Nought...Tarquin Fin- tim- lin- bin- whin- bim- lin- bus- stop- F'tang- F'tang- Olé- Biscuitbarrel... Voice Over: Silly. Officer: 12,441. Voice Over : And so the Silly Party has taken Luton.
OK I got it a little wrong....
this guy's name is my fave tho...... Voice Over: Hello, from Harpenden. This is a key seat because in addition to the official Silly candidate there is an independent Very Silly candidate (in large cube of polystyrene with only legs sticking out) who may split the silly vote. Officer : Mrs Elsie Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... (obvious man in drag with enormous joke breasts) Voice Over: Silly. Officer: 26,317... James Walker... Voice Over: Sensible. Officer: 26,318. Voice Over: That was close. Officer : Malcolm Peter Brian Telescope Adrian Umbrella Stand Jasper Wednesday (pops mouth twice) Stoatgobbler John Raw Vegetable (sound effect of horse whinnying) Arthur Norman Michael (blows squeker) Featherstone Smith (blows whistle) Northgot Edwards Harris (fires pistol, which goes 'whoop') Mason (chuff-chuff-chuff) Frampton Jones Fruitbat Gilbert (sings) 'We'll keep a welcome in the' (three shots, stops singing) Williams If I Could Walk That Way Jenkin (squeker) Tiger-draws Pratt Thompson (sings) 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' Darcy Carter (horn) Pussycat 'Don't Sleep In The Subway' Barton Mannering (hoot, 'whoop') Smith. Voice Over: Very Silly. Officer: Two. Voice Over: Well there you have it. A Sensible gain at Driffield.
EDIT: or this one.... Herr Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm, and ask you - just quickly - if there's any particular thing that you remember about Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern- schplenden- schlitter- crasscrenbon- fried- digger- dingle- dangle- dongle- dungle- burstein- von- knacker- thrasher- apple- banger- horowitz- ticolensic- grander- knotty- spelltinkle- grandlich- grumblemeyer- spelterwasser- kurstlich- himbleeisen- bahnwagen- gutenabend- bitte- ein- nürnburger- bratwustle- gerspurten- mitz- weimache- luber- hundsfut- gumberaber- shönedanker- kalbsfleisch- mittler- aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?
Right,
I went to college with a 'Michael Moore' - obviously 'moore' is Irish for LARGE funnilly enough, the girls seemed fairly happy that the name fitted him well 
But my personal favourite is my own Grandmother's name:
ANNIE OATS
Seriously!
Jeremey Bates at Wimbledon.. Master Bates! Slartibartfarst. Aubrey. Cornelius Spasticpikeywindowlicker.
Steve Campbell wrote: BTW...someone mentioned a Tarquin biscuit barrle or something.....i was too twatted at the time, but it's short for....
tarquin lintim wimbim bimbim bustop ftang ftang ole biscuit barrell (silly party)
Love that you picked up on that! The guy actually applied for that whole name but the Registrar didn't approve it, he was only allowed to have Tarquin Biscuit-Barrell.
monty wrote: No shit...I taxed a car for a Chinese guy a few years ago.....his name?
IVAN HO !!!
AND YOUR NAME IS BART SIMPSON ! REALLY
22 YEARS AGO I DID LIVER TO A CHINEESE AT THE BACK OF LORD STREET SOUTHPORT AND THE TAKE AWAY WOZ CALLED "CHIN KEE"
On the back of a book I saw there was a review by some professor named Reinhold Adolpho F*ck. (Is it even necessary to use an asterisk since it's apparently a legitimate name? heh.)
Some favourite first names I've happened across include E-Jazz, Sir-Adrene, and Shithead (that's pronounced Sha-TEED!).
Went to FALIRAKI a few years ago.My mates and my future ex-wife stayed at the 18-30s hotel,while I stayed at the SAGA holidays hotel over the hill (so to speak in more ways than one).There was a liitle grocery store outside their apartment called....erm.. GROCERIE VERGINA
Well it was open all hours! 
When it comes to funny names for locations, there's actually a town in Newfoundland called Dildo.
That reminds me, the most famous and longest serving premier of Newfoundland was Joey Smallwood.
And Missy Jem will confirm this.There's a village in Breightmet,Bolton called..wait for it..
[orange]NOB END[/orange]
Steve Lea wrote: Arsoli in Italy anyone?!
Glad I dont live there... for many more.
I once stayed in a small town in Slovenia called Arse (though it was pronouned Ar-say)... Much hilarity... Nice place actually... My other favourite is Wankdorf in Austria... From memory it was quite aptly named...
SHEDi xxx
My girlfriend has a customer at work called ETTA DICK... Her real name is HENRIETTA DICK, and also a WENDY HOUSE.
