Worst Advice You’ve Given?

What’s the worst advice you’ve given someone? Bonus points if the advice was actually taken and a forty pound prize if you didn’t actually mean the advice in quite the way that it was taken.

I’ll start:

During a night out years ago I used the expression “walk it like you talk it” in a conversation with a girl I was seeing. I don’t even remember what I was on about, I was probably inspired by the Primal Scream song that was out at the time and was almost certainly talking nonsense. I stopped seeing the girl, and heard she’d started going out with a bloke she’d been engaged to before we’d met – he’d really messed her around and had a reputation for being a dick.

About three years later I ran into this girl in a bar. She told me that during a furious row with this bloke she’d threatened to throw a brick in his face (as you do). As the guy got into his posh Japanese sports car, she remembered my advice and decided that she must really throw a brick in his face straight away. Looking around, she saw that fate had placed a brick by the side of the road. Throwing the brick into this guys face took two attempts because the car window was closed. She cut her arm a bit as she reached into the car to retrieve it for the second attempt, which broke his cheek bone.

Fully expecting the guy to get out of the car to kick the piss out of her, she kicked the car, putting a huge dent in the door, then legged it. Far from wanting any more, the guy drove off at speed, attracting the attention of a Policeman. Less than an hour later, our heroine was in the Police Station being charged with all sorts of crimes.

I should point out that this girl was the person you would least expect to do anything like that – not a rough sort at all. The judge agreed: talking her previous good conduct and cooperation with the authorities into account she escaped with a fine, damages, costs, twenty hours community service and an order to keep the peace for two years.

I asked her to marry me on the spot, of course, but she declined. As far as I know, she married the guy with the broken cheekbone.

Don't go to Bulgaria to watch the European Cup Final.

i told a mate to break up with his girlfriend. i'm not sure he's had one since.

"Sure, go help your ex girlfriend move"

haha

ChrissMari wrote: "Sure, go help your ex girlfriend move"

haha

ex-bird? oh oh!!! move the earth more like

I advised a mate of mine to install Linux, but neglected to mention it's convention for naming hard drives, in consequence, instead of formatting and installing onto a trashed 4gb disc, he managed to mindwipe his entire 120GB maindrive (he scuppered the partition table, a much more efficient way to cunt things up than a mere formatting malfunction).

He is now a hardcore Linux evangelist who's flesh creeps when in windows like mine does, so it all came good in the end.

Doctor? wrote: I advised a mate of mine to install Linux, but neglected to mention it's convention for naming hard drives, in consequence, instead of formatting and installing onto a trashed 4gb disc, he managed to mindwipe his entire 120GB maindrive (he scuppered the partition table, a much more efficient way to cunt things up than a mere formatting malfunction).

He is now a hardcore Linux evangelist who's flesh creeps when in windows like mine does, so it all came good in the end.

i thought that was a spray-on deodarant?

I dunno, I can't imagine "the linux effect" involves women flinging themselves at furry toothed geeks. But I'm sure Melly and/or Peely will disagree :D

J.A.K wrote:

ChrissMari wrote: "Sure, go help your ex girlfriend move"

haha

ex-bird? oh oh!!! move the earth more like

THANK YOU FOR HARPING ON MY PAIN JOHN!

"Hey, Enron stock is rising! You might want to invest in that now."

"Call me crazy, but I got a good feeling about that Hitler guy. Maybe you should vote for him?"

"If you want to pursue that dream of having a cannonball shot into your stomach, just do it."

"Hell yes, you should do it! America is dying to see the two of you together in a film! What's the script title again...Gigli? I'm sure they'll change that in rewrites."

Taboo # 7 wrote: "Hey, Enron stock is rising! You might want to invest in that now."

"Call me crazy, but I got a good feeling about that Hitler guy. Maybe you should vote for him?"

"If you want to pursue that dream of having a cannonball shot into your stomach, just do it."

"Hell yes, you should do it! America is dying to see the two of you together in a film! What's the script title again...Gigli? I'm sure they'll change that in rewrites."

Hey, Hitler was Time's Man of the Year in 1933, so you're not the first one to give bad advice.

Doctor? wrote: I dunno, I can't imagine "the linux effect" involves women flinging themselves at furry toothed geeks. But I'm sure Melly and/or Peely will disagree :D

Indeed.

A man who can talk Linux to me is a man worth keeping.

the worst advice I've given:

"don't date that girl"

They ended up getting married. I WARNED him :)

"you should tell your ex-boyfriend you love him." :\ohwell:

Told my friend that I would get the concert tickets for her rather than some other girl she didnt know. Sold out before I got tickets, but this other girl got some. Shite.

Well, not sure it's advice, but it's a story that will probably win me "parent of the year".

My son was 3 at the time. We were in South Carolina, and did a small road trip. It was one of those roads you don't see anything but trees for miles, and then all of a sudden there is the little fruit store that sells cherry pies, cherry jam, etc. Stopped in and I noticed a plate of jalepenos for taste testing. Called for my son and asked "do you like sweet pickles?" He answered yes, and took a huge bite of the jalepeno. He immediately started running around the store, breathing hard to get the burn out of his mouth. I'm laughing my ass off; the lady behind the counter just gives me an angry stare; and my wife was a bit upset with me.

JHC

Bet it taught him a valuable lesson, though... Don't trust yr dad!

SHEDi xxx

WORST ADIVE EVER - WAS RIGHT NOW !!! TALKING SPAM INTO LETTING ME USE HIS NAME WHILE HE SLUMPS ON FLOOR

worst advice given would be telling a guy i don't like to ask this girl he liked out, even though i knew she hated him and he got slapped and kicked in the balls

[black]Diamond[/black] wrote: What’s the worst advice you’ve given someone? Bonus points if the advice was actually taken and a forty pound prize if you didn’t actually mean the advice in quite the way that it was taken.

I’ll start:

During a night out years ago I used the expression “walk it like you talk it” in a conversation with a girl I was seeing. I don’t even remember what I was on about, I was probably inspired by the Primal Scream song that was out at the time and was almost certainly talking nonsense. I stopped seeing the girl, and heard she’d started going out with a bloke she’d been engaged to before we’d met – he’d really messed her around and had a reputation for being a dick.

About three years later I ran into this girl in a bar. She told me that during a furious row with this bloke she’d threatened to throw a brick in his face (as you do). As the guy got into his posh Japanese sports car, she remembered my advice and decided that she must really throw a brick in his face straight away. Looking around, she saw that fate had placed a brick by the side of the road. Throwing the brick into this guys face took two attempts because the car window was closed. She cut her arm a bit as she reached into the car to retrieve it for the second attempt, which broke his cheek bone.

Fully expecting the guy to get out of the car to kick the piss out of her, she kicked the car, putting a huge dent in the door, then legged it. Far from wanting any more, the guy drove off at speed, attracting the attention of a Policeman. Less than an hour later, our heroine was in the Police Station being charged with all sorts of crimes.

I should point out that this girl was the person you would least expect to do anything like that – not a rough sort at all. The judge agreed: talking her previous good conduct and cooperation with the authorities into account she escaped with a fine, damages, costs, twenty hours community service and an order to keep the peace for two years.

I asked her to marry me on the spot, of course, but she declined. As far as I know, she married the guy with the broken cheekbone.

FOOK! Mind you I'm not one to talk.I married the one who threw a fcuking iron at me.Could have been worse,could have been still plugged in.

Told my future brother inlaw not to marry my wife's sister. Still on her shitlist after 10 years.