Moral Dilemma

A hypothetical scenario for you to consider:

You've arrived in the office at 7am with a mild hangover from football beers and a bottle of wine last night.

Following a quiet and productive half hour, the older gentleman who sits on an adjacent desk arrives and starts trying to talk to you about fcuking golf. In a loud voice. He played golf all day yesterday and will play tomorrow, because he only works part time. After getting no response from you, he walks over to another colleague. Finding that colleague not interested either, he then uses his telephone to contact someone else and brags to them in a loud voice about how he won't be working tomorrow because he will be playing golf.

My question is: should I issue a warning before removing the telephone from his hand and smashing him repeatedly in the face and neck, or just move directly to the terrible violence?

Just for argument's sake, to make things more interesting, assume that the hypothetical gentleman in question is Welsh.

And now he's started going on about his fcuking broadband not working.

And the bloke on the desk behind me is arguing with his fcuking wife again.

trust me, you don't want my advice on this.

Fookin hell man, I will NEVER EVER bitch about my cow orkers again.

Personally, I would ape his tactics, using something he cannot stand as the subject.

OR make loud conversation about a study you recently read in The Lancet, about now the golf stance causes, I dunno....penile dysfunction?

But to more directly answer your question, I would describe in great detail precisely which parts of him you intend to beat with which other recently detached parts, perhaps watching him turn an odd colour will suffice for amusement/revenge, and silence the leekbreathed twat for a while too.

Fuck it man, tell em all your shrink says loud yapping crowds of dickheads could send you into a violent murderous rage.

i would have said the violence option, but then you revealed he's welsh - hsn't he suffered enough already?

tell him how pleased you are about his day off as it means you won't have to listen to him banging on about golf.

A Diamond a Dozen wrote: A hypothetical scenario for you to consider:

You've arrived in the office at 7am with a mild hangover from football beers and a bottle of wine last night.

Following a quiet and productive half hour, the older gentleman who sits on an adjacent desk arrives and starts trying to talk to you about fcuking golf. In a loud voice. He played golf all day yesterday and will play tomorrow, because he only works part time. After getting no response from you, he walks over to another colleague. Finding that colleague not interested either, he then uses his telephone to contact someone else and brags to them in a loud voice about how he won't be working tomorrow because he will be playing golf.

My question is: should I issue a warning before removing the telephone from his hand and smashing him repeatedly in the face and neck, or just move directly to the terrible violence?

Just for argument's sake, to make things more interesting, assume that the hypothetical gentleman in question is Welsh.

And now he's started going on about his fcuking broadband not working.

And the bloke on the desk behind me is arguing with his fcuking wife again.

Say you're really not feeling well, must be coming down with something. On your way home, pick up some more booze. Get home and have a kip, then wake up and watch more football and do it all again!

7am start. stuff that. crazy to go in at that time. i don't leave the house till7.15. best goin in about 9.30. extra kip, then blame it on the traffic.

J.A.K wrote: 7am start. stuff that. crazy to go in at that time. i don't leave the house till7.15. best goin in about 9.30. extra kip, then blame it on the traffic.

You're in sharpo today though!

warning first. possible to get his attention long enough to see you 1. watch him flatly for a second or two. 2. Look at your watch. 3. Adjust your computer monitor. 4. Lounge around various (here!) websites for a while.

He aparently being thick may also be horribly insecure but maybe get the message that nobody is interested. Least effort but sadly no fireworks.

You're too hungover to bother resorting to the violence yourself. What you need is an Emergency Ninja Team to jump out and give your co workers all a beating to their face for you.

Though, on the other hand, there's satisfaction in doing what I did last year at a work party and holding up a sign that says "I don't care. No, no matter the topic. Drunk and can't be bothered, thanks." Just wear it around your neck, or over your eyes for a casual work-day look.

on your eyelids as a subliminal message when you blink, and a definite "fook aff" when you close your eyes ;)

But what if he was from CORBY and was called SHUG! That would be TERRIBLE.I have always found that a bit of VIOLENCE is ok before the 08:30 am news and then you could be scating on THIN ICE.Now did i mention i can't PLAY golf and i HATE work!I did.......

Roocket Mick, the Henry Kissenger of NOOL

Surely Errol Flyn?

Golf is a disease, he needs your help not your criticism.

Be honest -

Just say shut the fuck up you boring twat, I don't want to hear your crap, I don't want to hear your voice, you bore everyone to tears, just do work in silence and give me back my sanity (then whisper "or I will hurt you one day when you're not expecting it - be afraid, be very afraid").

Why not, what have you got to lose, oh yeah your job.

:)

Smurfy wrote: Be honest -

Just say shut the fuck up you boring twat, I don't want to hear your crap, I don't want to hear your voice, you bore everyone to tears, just do work in silence and give me back my sanity (then whisper "or I will hurt you one day when you're not expecting it - be afraid, be very afraid").

Why not, what have you got to lose, oh yeah your job.

:)

sounds ok that. been tempted many a time.

until you get the "curly finger" directing you to the Manager's office. KERSHAW!!!!!!! second in my office please.

J.A.K wrote:

Smurfy wrote: Be honest -

Just say shut the fuck up you boring twat, I don't want to hear your crap, I don't want to hear your voice, you bore everyone to tears, just do work in silence and give me back my sanity (then whisper "or I will hurt you one day when you're not expecting it - be afraid, be very afraid").

Why not, what have you got to lose, oh yeah your job.

:)

sounds ok that. been tempted many a time.

until you get the "curly finger" directing you to the Manager's office. KERSHAW!!!!!!! second in my office please.

So you often get punished in offices then - hmmmmm bad boy! :)

[magenta]Missy Jem[/magenta] wrote: Golf is a disease, he needs your help not your criticism.

Aha, now I see you are not No Balls I do.

I would start by smashing him with a hammer. Begin with his hand. If he still wishes to blather on, continue smashing until you achieve the desired objective.

He's a golfer? Should be clubbed to death with his No.7 iron for wearing stupid checkered pants!

FAC 51 wrote: I would start by smashing him with a hammer. Begin with his hand. If he still wishes to blather on, continue smashing until you achieve the desired objective.

No good. He'll just start in blathering about how his hand hurts now that it's smashed.

I think we need closure on this Colin, what DID you do in the end. If you had ANY sense you'd have gone for Bonzy's option ( apart from the current lack of football).

Doctor? wrote: I think we need closure on this Colin, what DID you do in the end. If you had ANY sense you'd have gone for Bonzy's option ( apart from the current lack of football).

Football is optional- Porn works too............

Bonzette wrote:

Doctor? wrote: I think we need closure on this Colin, what DID you do in the end. If you had ANY sense you'd have gone for Bonzy's option ( apart from the current lack of football).

Football is optional- Porn works too............

When the choice is work, I'm pretty sure staring at the wall is an acceptable stand in :D

Geez, Colin, so glad I don't work at the office inside, and if anybody in our warehouse would talk like that, I'd easily find something else to do on the other side of it, and avoid them completely (well, nearly anyway.)

If I did, I'd probably offer a warning first and tell him that no one's really interested, or say something like "What did Mark Twain say about golf................oh yeah....Golf is a good walk spoiled".....and pray he doesn't take up a contrary position for the defense. If he does, then slapping him about may be your only way out.......

Clearly, I opted to post something here and get a laugh out of it, rather than any direct action.

I have decided to go with Hib's excellent suggestion if he does it again, probably dropping in my own prefered name for golf - cross country snooker.

This morning, some arsehole emailed me a very racist joke and I came as close as I have done in years to office violence.

It's the alcohol - makes them very volatile