(o/t) The Martian to be on Channel 4??

Got a surprise phone call out of the blue from someone from Landmark Films last week. It appears they were after some people to contribute to a documentary they are planning to make about Britain's angriest people. That is - people who get irritated by the stresses of modern living - be they the appalling public transport, the crime, the national health service, shopping queues, the weather, dealing with idiots, drivers who cut you up, etc etc... and for some reason it appears they had my previous contact attempts on their files so have decided to give me a call.

Sounds like a wild idea as I think I can happily give them an earful about what makes ME most annoyed: the proliferation of shite reality TV programmes such as this every bloody day, taking up our valuable prime time viewing. To think we pay our extortionate TV licensing fees just to see more idiots getting violent and cocky on TV all in the name of so-called "reality-television"!!! Pah!!! Talk about the relentless dumbing-down of British TV continuing apace!! I already raised this topic on my own forum the other day and had a bit of a discussion about whether or not I should go ahead and put myself in for this, but I'm quite content to bite the hand that feeds.....a far more unpredictable response to their invitation, as I'm sure you'd agree....

Make sure yer wearing a Worcester City shirt then if yer on TV ! I'll bring you one to a gig !

Who says I'm going to go on TV? Did you not read what I said properly then ole chum?? :D :D ;)

that guy from Landmark films must have been reading your rants on this here Forum, Marty!! Surprises me that they still need more people for their docu, seems to me you're able to contribute enough for a whole series of documentaries

He rang me today and discussed it with me - boy oh boy, was this guy some sort of arrogant stereotypical Essex Barrow Boy type character. Simply from listening to his accent I was able to make out what kind of a character he was - needless to say I didn't pause for breath in the fifteen minute interview I had with him on the phone whereupon he asked me the following questions of sorts.... for example [general gist of my reply in brackets].... -do I work? [of course] -what gets you so pissed off? [how long you got?] -is it the country? [what d'you think?] -what's wrong with it? [again - how long you got?] -what you hate most about it? [run by a bunch of complete clueless c***s. populated by losers like me probably] -like what? [pissheads, lads who smell and dress offensively, wifebeaters, inbreeding, too much fat wobbly lard everywhere on summer days, twatty boy racers listening to their twatty music from their twatty car stereos, attitude problems, hygiene problems, the BNP, patriots, blah blah] -what you intend to do about it? [emigrate] -where to? [Holland probably] -what's Holland got that UK hasn't? [a lot - better infrastructure/quality of life/people] -have you a girlfriend? [not at the moment] -if not why? [who cares? is it important?] -do you get out often? [yep] -have many friends? [fookin lots - more than yourself probably] -how do you articulate your anger? [drumming probably] -had any help? [yep] -therapy useful? [nope - waste of time innit?] -does it rub off on other people? [yep and no] -what sort of music d'you like?
and so on....

Fear not - I was able to give the cocky jumped up little shit split second retorts which kind of took him aback somewhat. Didn't even give him a chance to get a word in edgeways, so fast was I ranting at full throttle there. I think these researchers have to do this in a deliberate contrived attempt to get you riled, so they can hear you getting progressively angrier as you go on...but I was able to keep it measured and to the point nevertheless without falling for his trap. I also was able to turn the tables and tell him that another thing that pissed me off about modern life was opportunist reality programme/docu-soap makers hellbent on saturating our TV airwaves with cheaply produced, cynically-researched TV fodder like this programme he was making about "Britain's Angriest People" for example. Bet he didn't expect that from me. Anyway, he's passed me on to the programme editor now and I've left him an email address for future correspondence but at least I was clued up enough to offer HIM the parting shot: which was.....it doesn't matter if I never hear from them again cos at least I've given him a lot to think about besides offering him there and then my point of view on the whole ethic of so many of these frankly pointless TV programmes specifically designed to dumb down our Prime Time viewing even further than it already has been...so if they DO get nback in touch it would be a surprise to hear from them...if not, then at least I've said my bit anyway...no harm in doing that.....

So, what cha think??? ;)

Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!! -what you intend to do about it? [emigrate]-where to? [Holland probably]-what's Holland got that UK hasn't? [a lot - better infrastructure/quality of life/people]

Yeah, that and your wooden shoe fetish.

Originally posted by Gnu Odor > Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!!> -what you intend to do about it? [emigrate]> -where to? [Holland probably]> -what's Holland got that UK hasn't? [a lot - better infrastructure/quality of life/people]

Yeah, that and your wooden shoe fetish.

and don't forget the closet obsession with punching music sheets by hand for player organs...oh, wait, that's Amsterdam. ;)

seriously, 'twill be interesting to see if this ever gets aired. you'll keep us apprised, right Marty...?

Yeah.....and they breed their pussies bigger and fatter over there in Amsterdam and Haarlem too....

Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!! Yeah.....and they breed their pussies bigger and fatter over there in Amsterdam and Haarlem too....

must be where Mrs. Slocome got hers, then!

Now that's good ol'fashioned fun. Well done Marty. God i'd wish they'd come up with an idea like that for a tellydoc. in Holland. Enough topics (the same act.) to rant and get angry about.

exactly where is that place were big pussies are bred, Marty;)

The top west side of the Singel, canal ring, (in the Jordaan) actually Mario - if my memory (or mammaries) serve me correct! ;)

Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!! **He rang me today and discussed it with me - boy oh boy, was this guy some sort of arrogant stereotypical Essex Barrow Boy type character. Simply from listening to his accent I was able to make out what kind of a character he was - needless to say I didn't pause for breath in the fifteen minute interview I had with him on the phone whereupon he asked me the following questions of sorts.... for example [general gist of my reply in brackets]....-do I work? [of course]-what gets you so pissed off? [how long you got?]-is it the country? [what d'you think?]-what's wrong with it? [again - how long you got?]-what you hate most about it? [run by a bunch of complete clueless c***s. populated by losers like me probably]-like what? [pissheads, lads who smell and dress offensively, wifebeaters, inbreeding, too much fat wobbly lard everywhere on summer days, twatty boy racers listening to their twatty music from their twatty car stereos, attitude problems, hygiene problems, the BNP, patriots, blah blah]-what you intend to do about it? [emigrate]-where to? [Holland probably]-what's Holland got that UK hasn't? [a lot - better infrastructure/quality of life/people]-have you a girlfriend? [not at the moment]-if not why? [who cares? is it important?]-do you get out often? [yep]-have many friends? [fookin lots - more than yourself probably]-how do you articulate your anger? [drumming probably]-had any help? [yep]-therapy useful? [nope - waste of time innit?]-does it rub off on other people? [yep and no]-what sort of music d'you like? and so on.... Fear not - I was able to give the cocky jumped up little shit split second retorts which kind of took him aback somewhat. Didn't even give him a chance to get a word in edgeways, so fast was I ranting at full throttle there. I think these researchers have to do this in a deliberate contrived attempt to get you riled, so they can hear you getting progressively angrier as you go on...but I was able to keep it measured and to the point nevertheless without falling for his trap. I also was able to turn the tables and tell him that another thing that pissed me off about modern life was opportunist reality programme/docu-soap makers hellbent on saturating our TV airwaves with cheaply produced, cynically-researched TV fodder like this programme he was making about "Britain's Angriest People" for example. Bet he didn't expect that from me. Anyway, he's passed me on to the programme editor now and I've left him an email address for future correspondence but at least I was clued up enough to offer HIM the parting shot: which was.....it doesn't matter if I never hear from them again cos at least I've given him a lot to think about besides offering him there and then my point of view on the whole ethic of so many of these frankly pointless TV programmes specifically designed to dumb down our Prime Time viewing even further than it already has been...so if they DO get nback in touch it would be a surprise to hear from them...if not, then at least I've said my bit anyway...no harm in doing that.....So, what cha think??? ;)

Seems like I've been somewhere similar before when it comes to fending off leeching TV programme makers.... TyneTees Television once tried to do something for a Look NorthEast magazine about Scooterists and approached myself and a few mates who were a regular presence around Gateshead about fifteen years ago...this Scooter Club that we were all regulars of... and they wanted to film us and interview a few of us into the bargain but they admitted no liability if none of the footage was ever going to be used at the end of it... That's to say they couldn't promise the thing not being broadcast at all. So what was the point in wasting our time then? We let them down gently and said it wouldn't be worth the hassle. Next thing we know, they only travel down the road to Hartlepool and pull off the same stunt on another Scooterist club based down there - and they got some exposure on TV into the bargain.....!! The cheek of it all! Oh we were bitter all right. So the moral is, don't take anything they say at face value - and judging from your response from the "interview" Marty it looks like you can already see right through them....don't ever let them trick you into taking part unless they know exactly what they're supposed to be doing with this "project".... fair play mate!

Well, last nite - about 7pm whilst I was online here posting the usual nonsense everywhere - I got an answerphone message left for me from one of the Channel 4 programme editors of "Landmark Films" - seems they want me to get back in touch with them after all..

Now this is the thorny question...

Should I bother getting back to them? Or should I just tell them where to stick it?

Dilemmas, don't you just love them???

...well, you do have to do the one in order to do the other, right? ;)

eh, if you feel good about it when you call them, maybe go through with it. and if not, tell them exactly what they can stick where!

You wanna know something Janaki?

I'm still undecided actually.

Problem is......I've got my dignity to think about first....

(HEY!! Stop sniggering at the back there! ) :(

At the infamous NOO Drinking Technique Tour Manchester stop a while back I had a long and rambling discussion with mr Martian. As Here to stay blasted out in the background i leafed through vearious publications of his and listened to his banter.

He is a completely normal and well adjusted person.

Its the rest of the UK that's wrong.

To quote some notorious little jack russell terrier (who allegedly lives in a snowdome!!) :

"Have you been drinking again, Major???"

but no...seriously....

....I'm most heartened by your kind words there Steven, me ole mucker!! :)

You are confused Marty, the JRT lives at my house whereas the hound that is Shug lives in Corby!

Marty, sometimes you have to go with 'system' to beat the system. Ring the poncy tv folk back agree to it and as soon as you get in front of a camera................VENT YOUR SPLEEN

Originally posted by Cheeky Monkey You are confused Marty, the JRT lives at my house whereas the hound that is Shug lives in Corby!

No - you got it wrong dahling...CORGI was wot yoo meant to say!!! :D :D

Originally posted by The Hacienda must be (re)built Marty, sometimes you have to go with 'system' to beat the system. Ring the poncy tv folk back agree to it and as soon as you get in front of a camera................VENT YOUR SPLEEN

But...but...but...but.....what about my dignity ????

Dude.

They will make your little film with or without you. At least your presence will preclude some other loser from occupying the same physical space.

You mean their little film!!

Well I'm still thinking about it - they're gonna try contacting me again tomorrow I believe. I'll wait til then and see what gives.....

What dignity ????? you are Britains angriest man, dignity was swept aside long ago on a tide of bellicose verboseful prose

Whaaaat??!! ARE YOU TALKING TO ME????!!! :\pissedoff: WANNA FOOKING SHOUT ABOUT IT???!!!!

Me??? Angriest man in Britain???

Never!!! ;)

I missed you when you were away (i think)

Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!! To quote some notorious little jack russell terrier (who actually lives in a snowdome):"Have you been drinking again, Major???" but no...seriously........I'm most heartened by your kind words there Steven, me ole mucker!! :)

Spell my name right you smelly hunk of rectal juice!!

I always hated you!!!!!

ARGH!!!

{technical difficulties due to tablets not working - normal major tarantino service will be resumed soon}

Alright Stephanie....whenever you're ready.....

Marty, if you're worried about going on this programme bear in mind that it is possible to express anger in a way which maintains or even enhances dignity. What you have to do is remain calm and express your anger in a way which makes what you are saying more persuasive. Venting your spleen will make you look bad and make most people less likely to agree with what you say. Keeping your cool and making your argument in a forceful but reasoned way will make you look good and make people more likely to agree with what you say. It's like the difference between a comedian telling a heckler to "Fuck off" and replying with a funny put-down: they both may shut the heckler up but the latter is more likely to and make the comedian come across well at the same time.

If you think you can express your anger in a controlled way then this programme could be a great opportunity to get thousands of people thinking what you're thinking. If you don't think that you can then this programme could end up with thousands of people thinking you're a wanker and be a wasted opportunity. If you decide not to go on the programme, if anyone from Landmark films is reading this thread don't bother trying to contact me to ask me to appear on the programme because I am absolutely sure my answer will be "no": I am frustrated, depressed and bitter but I don't do angry, you wanking fucks (or is it fucking wanks?).

Originally posted by Oh Look! There Goes The Laughing Martian Again!! Alright Stephanie....whenever you're ready.....

That stephanie thing is private! how dare you!! ;)

Don't worry about the Stephanie thing, Major. We all cross-dress now and then.

And of course, LM, I meant their film (that's what I get for posting sober). My point stands, however. Somebody will do it, and of course it will be a moron who didn't say half the things he or she should have. Don't live to regret that you weren't that moron.

If you do talk to them, tell them the whole idea is sadly pedestrian and unoriginal. Suggest instead a swap. Have the producers put up the cash to send you to America...say, Cleveland...for a year to get your impressions of which nation sucks more voraciously. Then they could pick some angry pedant from Cleveland about your age and send him and his family to the U.K. for a year to see if they grow to hate it as well.

Now that would make a great documentary.