Scunthorpe

Anyone ever been?

Me, Alex, and a few others had a night on the tiles of glamorous Scunthorpe on Saturday night so see Johnny out of Kloot. Giving a new definition to the term "totally pointless away trip" highlight included a visit to the legendary Schnapps Bar, where you could buy edible cock rings for a small matter of £2, the world renowed takeway shops "Pizza Experts" and "The Daily Kebab," walking around the town and realising that I wasnt so fat after all , and the venue itself, and the audience, which consisted of four of us sitting down on the floor like Hippies, while Alex guarded his DAT machine from the curious locals as if his life depended on it, cheap and cheerful beer, curtains and carpets bought and last cleaned in the 1970's, and us lot getting johnny so pissed he could barely remember any of his songs.

The real highlight though, was this:

I was sent a picture of an inflatable sheep, that yours Liam?

I suppose technically part of it belongs to me. We all put a pound in to give it to Johnny, left it on the stage for him only for it to be kicked away. Which i thought was tremendously rude...

Alex guarded his DAT machine from the curious locals as if his life depended on it,

Was it his Dat Machine or his M-Audio Micro track?

We need to be clear on this Liam.

I dunno. Probably the one he bought most recently.

What is your opinion on the picture Mike? As you are the closest thing we have to an 'owner' of the Shed, what is this tragedy?

My Brother just moved to Scunthorpe,he's a steel worker like me. His place,what made railtrack in Workington closed and he was forced to relocate at Scunny (Still steel making) He says it's shite there,but he moved from the Lake District,a beautiful part of the world,so he would think that.

Edit: He said he would'nt like to move back to Teesside though.Queer cunt. 2 miles inland and we have some of the best countryside in the world aswell Not all smog round here y'know!

The real highlight though is we finally have the answer to the old adage, "who put the cunt in Scunthorpe?".

So, who was driving Liam?

What is your opinion on the picture Mike? As you are the closest thing we have to an 'owner' of the Shed, what is this tragedy?

The tradegedy is that New Order played a low key gig in the Shed, but it was shambolic as the auto cue would not fit in, and the recording of the gig did not come out. Another gig destined to folklore like the Oakwood gig !