luton

Alumni: Pub-singer-got lucky, Paul Young. The poet John Hegley (apparently still in post-Luton recovery). Amenities: Hookers, drugs

Once home to a thriving hat-making industry, Luton’s main asset is now its airport which, given the current popularity of flying, is perhaps not the greatest strong-point to fall back on.

People there still take pride in re-enacting the infamous 70s Lorraine Chase advert (Martini? Bacardi?) where she namechecks the place. Jesus.

This is an archetypal conurbation town with no basic infrastructure or ammenities for culture or entertainment. No sense of history. Nothing to inspire or stimulate, just houses. Everyone is in the same sinking boat and tensions inevitably arise.

Too close to London to warrant building anything approaching what the capital has to offer, yet just far enough to away to offer a sense of other-worldly, neglected isolation, Luton is out there.

The centre is dominated by a crappy - surprise, surprise - Arndale shopping centre and a clutch of generic theme pubs and wrist-slittingly moribund nightclubs which, when I was last there four years ago seemed to be named after piss poor 80’s cocktails drinks - Mirage, Manhattan Skyline etc.

There are also plenty of opportunities for fighting - I got in four or five in my three year tenure in Luton, none of which I instigated I should add.

What else?

Nope, sorry that’s it.

Ben Myers

NO REDEEMING FEATURES

Dreary, concrete and polluted. A lot of towns/cities have this image but they still have redeeming features eg Birmingham has art galleries, theatres and semi-decent nightclubs. Despite the presence of good F.E. colleges, anyone who’s reasonably educated flees this dumping ground as soon as they can.

What a Lutonian really loves the most is agro. You’re not normal unless you relish agro. Indeed, one of the most commonly used words is ‘attitude’. If you answer a stupid yobbos lager-infuelled question with a polite, intelligent answer you are automatically accused of being stuck-up, even though Luton people think materialistic features such as new cars and tacky modern houses are of great importance.

Once, a large group of scum thought it would be fulfilling to beat up an old man outside a nightclub.

Luton is the only place I know where men will leer at you even if they’re accompanied by their girlfriend, who will be meekly accepting.

Spiritual home to the Vikings though!

Luton is running a poetry competition.

The Guardian

Love Luton

My entry:

Vladimir Puton, Should come to Luton, And moderate his position, On legitimate political opposition. Oooh Eeeh Oooh

Do I win £40?

Cheque in post :D

Get on the A6 and come to sunny Bedford. I used to work for a large firm of funeral directors in Luton,and so got to know the area quite well.I have to say the place has'nt got much going for it,although both Stockingstone rd and new Bedford rd have some huge attractive houses.This of course in no way compensates for the huge number of whores that crawl around the streets.

I'm not going to rise to the bait. Suffice to say that there are a hundred places I'd less like to be connected with.

BIGINOIL wrote: Spiritual home to the Vikings though!

Luton is running a poetry competition.

The Guardian

Love Luton

My entry:

Vladimir Puton, Should come to Luton, And moderate his position, On legitimate political opposition. Oooh Eeeh Oooh

Do I win £40?

The great mathematician Sir Isaac Newton, once paid a visit to the town of Luton. He was heard to exclaim, My, my, look at that, I've found the perfect hat to match my man bag from Luis Vuitton.

Leggy D wrote:

BIGINOIL wrote: Spiritual home to the Vikings though!

Luton is running a poetry competition.

The Guardian

Love Luton

My entry:

Vladimir Puton, Should come to Luton, And moderate his position, On legitimate political opposition. Oooh Eeeh Oooh

Do I win £40?

The great mathematician Sir Isaac Newton, once paid a visit to the town of Luton. He was heard to exclaim, My, my, look at that, I've found the perfect hat to match my man bag from Luis Vuitton.

Verse 3

Unto Luton came one who you can't knock His legacy and place comes as no shock With Luton his talents they began to unlock His Legend makes him one of God's own stock Fuck me,it's Sir Brucefuckin Rioch!!!

It lacks a little continuity,and could use a couple more verses..But if we entered it in the under 5's and/or Mongs catagory,who knows??..it could make top 5.

prefers the pot in bedford.

theres a taste in my mouth.

el jarvo wrote,everyone knowes were the luton red light district is,, just ask david pleat

classic,, do you remember the photo of pleat opening the door in the morning after to a reporter,,,reality had truly set in.

i used to walk in the streets ,,where i was born.

El Jarvo wrote:

isaac wrote: Get on the A6 and come to sunny Bedford. I used to work for a large firm of funeral directors in Luton,and so got to know the area quite well.I have to say the place has'nt got much going for it,although both Stockingstone rd and new Bedford rd have some huge attractive houses.This of course in no way compensates for the huge number of whores that crawl around the streets.

Er, why would you be driving around those sorts of streets then?!

Everyone knows where the Red Light district of Luton is, and it ain't the sort of area you drive around casually. Just ask David Pleat!

Anyways, quick question - what do you call an Italian with an I.Q. of 150?

Answer: Bedford!

Having worked for the Bedfordshire coroners office for a number of years,i paid many a visit to knocking shops/crack houses.Most of which were in Luton.

__Re:Your Italian joke__ You also seem to be suggesting that a town which has a large non-English population is somehow a bad or an ammusing thing.