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Great Advice from the Police

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Public Warned

The Police have warned the public not to approach the "muscular and aggressive" 6 foot armed robber who was last seen leaving the scene of a violent raid on a pub during which a substantial five-fugue sum was stolen and a Police woman shot in the leg.

Thanks for that, coppers - we'll all bear it in mind :thumb:

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throw in fearless and a gold tooth

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I approach muscular and aggressive 6 foot armed robbers all the time. You'd have to be stupid not to.

So glad the police are around to give good, sound advice for those dumb enough not to work it out for themselves.

Oh, keep an eye out for mad axe killers, covered in blood too, they're fun to play with.

:eek3:

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some can wear orange boiler suits keep an eye on them down the high street.

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Honestly, I thought it is about Sting's band, The Police, for they are currently on their reunion tour.

Anyway, have a safe year ahead!

Indeed!

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The Sub-Cultured Perfect Kisser*!* wrote: Honestly, I thought it is about Sting's band, The Police, for they are currently on their reunion tour.

Anyway, have a safe year ahead!

Indeed!

you too squire. :D

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Did customs give you any slaver on entry to the US of A Biggy?

They did me. It was most unpleasant,fiddling with his pistol and everything..He was a fucking arsehole to be honest.He seemed to have a problem believing I had no criminal record.. I would'nt of cared,but I don't even look like a thug or owt, do I?

Was wondering if they are all daft power-pissed cunts,or I got unlucky..

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Boatraceface wrote: Did customs give you any slaver on entry to the US of A Biggy?

They did me. It was most unpleasant,fiddling with his pistol and everything..He was a fucking arsehole to be honest.He seemed to have a problem believing I had no criminal record.. I would'nt of cared,but I don't even look like a thug or owt, do I?

Was wondering if they are all daft power-pissed cunts,or I got unlucky..

slightly thuggish. did you have a leather on? any visible scars etc?

:laugh:

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King John Honest John wrote:

Boatraceface wrote: Did customs give you any slaver on entry to the US of A Biggy?

They did me. It was most unpleasant,fiddling with his pistol and everything..He was a fucking arsehole to be honest.He seemed to have a problem believing I had no criminal record.. I would'nt of cared,but I don't even look like a thug or owt, do I?

Was wondering if they are all daft power-pissed cunts,or I got unlucky..

slightly thuggish. did you have a leather on? any visible scars etc?

:laugh:

No,just blood diamonds from Africa and 7 Kilos of heroin Nothing out of the ordinary....

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Was wondering if they are all daft power-pissed cunts,or I got unlucky..

Most are like their leader BUSHie CUNT

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On average... police officers tend not to be the cream of the crop of humanity, in most countries I would think..

You do have lots of dorky/redneck police uniformed types with bad mustaches... the police seem to be the last bastion of the plain olde mustache, you know the type always saying stuff about "fags" and then they do closet gay activity...drive GM automobiles and pickups, dress as the lowest common denominator, talk about their union rights and "entitlements" AND support Bush .Bush is probably the most anti labor rights president in a 80 years, it is probably a good thing that he is also pretty incompetent... but some of his biggest supporters are the working class whites.

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Smart bunch.. Hallowe'en reveller sparks Police operation.

A man who fell asleep on a Train after a Hallowe'en party prompted a police investigation in Germany.

Joerg Reichter, 24, had gone to the party dressed as a murder victim and had painted fake blood over his face and hands.

But. He passed out on the Train back home after the Party in Hamburg and worried passengers called the Police. A Police spokesman said, 'His costume made him Look like the victim of a serious assault as he appeared to be bleeding from the face and hands, and worried passengers called us.

Once there, our Officers realised what had happened and woke him. They got him to take the fake blood and wounds off so that there'd be no more misunderstandings.'

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LONG BORING POST ALERT. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE BORED BY A LONG STORY ABOUT ME...

Boatraceface wrote: Did customs give you any slaver on entry to the US of A Biggy?

It's always a pain in the nipsie, no question. The girl in front of us made the schoolgirl error of telling the Immigration Officer that she was in a hurry to make a connecting flight. Maam, I can't go any faster or slower than I need to to follow due procedure, he slurred, then took about 15 minutes inspecting documents, and making a meal of the fingerprint scan, photo and stamping the visa cards. Immediately after her another girl on her own was through well within two minutes and my family and I took less than five.

HERE IT COMES - IT'S LONG AND REALLY SHIT...

The best (worst) thing to happen to me at a US airport was when they swabbed my laptop and found traces of something it as I was going through security to leave Florida. Then they took my camera and mobile and they tested positive too. By this time I had been moved to a roped-off area (red ropes on gold stands like you expect to see at a cinema, bizarrely) with two hyooge security chaps standing over me. I didn't have a clue what was going on, they just kept pulling things out of my hand luggage, wiping them with a little cloth, putting the cloth into a machine which immediately started screaming and printing out little strips of paper like till till receipts.

After a bit, as the guard was rubbing his bit of cloth over my fingers, I decided that a bit of man-to-man chat might help the situation. He wouldn't tell me what they were testing for, despite my persistent questioning, but did offer that it was 'probably a mistake'. He also asked whether I'd been on a farm during my trip. 'It's explosives, isn't it', I said, but he wouldn't budge. Then I asked him whether he would relax at all if I told him that I'd spent some of the previous day firing handguns and that I could prove it. Excellently, I was able to turn on my digi camera and wave a picture of me doing just that in his face. Talk about an atmosphere changing. I went from Most Wanted to Most Excellent in the blink of an eye. All they wanted to know then was what guns I'd shot and what I thought of them. They don't carry guns, don't you know - it would interfere with the explosives detection equipment.

WELL, I WARNED YOU!

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I was stopped and searched once under the 'Prevention Of Terrorism Act 1976' - so they claimed.

I had a block of white marzipan in my rucksack - wrapped in brown paper :( . I'd just bought it from an Italian baker in Islington. I explained I was making a birthday cake for my friend Ronnie. Completely true - even if he is a gay Arsenal supporter.

This was 15 years ago, so:

  1. 'Are you sure it's marzipan?'

  2. Your friend 'Ronnie'? Does he have a couple of brothers?

  3. 'Nash is an Irish name, isn't it?'

Four hours later, I was allowed to go home. Too late to make the cake, so I gave Ronnie a block of marzipan and a 'sorry' note.

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BIGINAMERICA wrote: They don't carry guns, don't you know - it would interfere with the explosives detection equipment.

That reminds me, a week after 9/11 I had to fly and had a connection in San Fran. As I'm waiting for my flight, I was walking around the terminal to kill sometime. I noticed a lot of Army National Guard guarding the airport. I also further noted that they were doing so with M-16 rifles, to which I thought "that's not very smart, miss yer target and you have a bullet flying for 1/4 mile in a packed airport"... while thinking about it further I noted the triangular stock of the M-16 A1 (Veitnam era) and thought "they Still use those!?".... so I walked up behind one to take a closer look, and wouldn't you know.. it was a rubber rifle.... looks real, but solid rubber with a metal barrel sticking out (used for training where you don't want to ruin a rifle, like Swim qual)....

Freaking National Guard, great to know I was protected:laugh:

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EdelBrock wrote: ... while thinking about it further I noted the triangular stock of the M-16 A1 (Veitnam era) and thought "they Still use those!?".... so I walked up behind one to take a closer look, and wouldn't you know.. it was a rubber rifle.... looks real, but solid rubber with a metal barrel sticking out...

They should make them standard issue: would certainly make battles more interesting, and funnier!

"Right men we're going over the top today. Now remember just bong the bastards on the back of the bonce and we'll be fine!"

:nod:

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The customs twat I spoke of earlier most definitely did have a pistol,in a holster,and his body language was that of a twat and cowboy styley "draw." His hand stroking it,made me a bit nervy actually.Maybe it showed on my boat,and thats why he made a small scene If I'd have known it was just a water pistol,I'd have just knocked the cunt out and said 'Have a nice day!' Blummin Sheister!:laugh:

I should have mentioned,this was about a year before 9/11.

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Liverpool Customs at John Lennon Airport is nimps.

you can bring anything in & take anything out.

My girlfriend had a knife in her bag. She'd forgotten it was in there. She sailed thru the detector, but then they found it in Dubai, and took it off her.

I went on holiday and put two vases in the tiny right pocket of my Jeans. I got thru safe and sound, and the Vases survived without breaking.

:laugh:

and then of course, there's return trips from the Dam. just throw the bags in the case, with no attempt to hide them under clothes or in socks.

Nimps.

:laugh:

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Boaty, there's Immigration (armed to the teeth) who are like Passport Controllers in the UK. Then there's flight security (not armed) and Customs (armed). You have to clear each of them separately in the US, which takes ages.

And brilliantly, you now have to clear all three coming IN to the US. So they search you for weapons AFTER you take your flight. What's that all about? Looking for guns coming into the US?

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BIGINAMERICA wrote: And brilliantly, you now have to clear all three coming IN to the US. So they search you for weapons AFTER you take your flight. What's that all about? Looking for guns coming into the US?

Not guns, nuclear warheads! Geez, where have you been!?:crazy:

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The pub that was robbed - the Hospital Inn, near Preston, is where my mum & dad were intending to go for New Years Eve, since its about 25mins walk away from their home. They were gutted when the police closed it for investigative purposes.

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