Two dyslexics walking down the street.
One goes, 'Do you smell gas?'
The other goes ' Mate, I can't even smell my name'
I'm here all week.
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Two parrots sitting on a perch...
One says to the other "There's something fishy here"...
I'm thankfully not here all week...
Snorri xxx
An old married couple in their 90's go before the judge asking for a divorce. The judge says "You've been married for so long, why the divorce now?"
"We wanted to stay together till all of the kids died!"
I'm only here for a few minutes more, enjoy the veal.
Two cows in a field,which one has foot and mouth...
..the one thats on fire
I'll be about most of the day
Why did the cow win a Nobel Prize?
Because he was out-standing in his field...
Back in 5...
Snorri xxx
Two cows standing in a field,which ones on holiday..
the one with the wee calf
(this one works in Glasgow where off is slanged to 'aff' )
here all mornin
Shug wrote: Two dyslexics walking down the street.
Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
My, what a great audience.
Heard about the dyslexic agnostic who kept himself awake all night wondering if there was a dog?
There's more where that came from...
Snorri xxx
Alanf wrote: What does DNA stand for?
National Association of Dyslexics
you'll all be glad to know,im back
El Jarvo wrote:
Shug wrote: Two dyslexics walking down the street.
Two dyslexics walk into a bra.
My, what a great audience.
Man walks into a bar..
OW!,it was an iron bar
dont worry,im getting my dinner soon
Manchester CID was thrown into disarray earlier today when thieves broke into the station and stole all the toilets.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
Three bees are looking for somewhere to spend the night. They fly into a house, where a woman is having a shower.
One sleeps on her tits.
One in her arse.
The other in her punani.
Next morning, the one in the tits asks if they had a good sleep. The other two said 'No. In the middle of the night, some guy in a raincoat came in and attacked me.'
a scientist walks into a bar & asks for some adenizene tri phosphate
the barman says that will be 80p
What do ye call a man with a plank on his head...
Edwood..
What do ye call a man with 3 planks on his head..
Edwood Woodwood
Had two birds out the other night. One had TB....the other had VD.
I fcuked the one that was coughing.
(I didn't really ..I'm a good boy me)
Two poofs sittin on a park bench on a lovely summers day...
One says to the other "It's nice out, isn't it?"
The other says "Aye, but you better put it away in case someone walks past"
My names been Glasvegas, you guys have been amazing, GOOOD NIGHT!!!!
what's the difference between a stalker and a washing machine?
a washing machine won't follow you around after you've dumped a load in it.
my name's Allan, and the children's matinee will be at 11 a.m. tomorrow
Old Blue wrote: Manchester CID was thrown into disarray earlier today when thieves broke into the station and stole all the toilets.
Police say they have nothing to go on.
two ronnies OB?
still a classic! 
Gazman wrote: Two cows in a field,which one has foot and mouth...
..the one thats on fire
I'll be about most of the day
Shug wrote: Two cows in a field.
Which one has foot and mouth?
The one that's on fire.
BOOM BOOM.
I know its good Shug...
..but no that good 
Gazman wrote:
Gazman wrote: Two cows in a field,which one has foot and mouth...
..the one thats on fire
I'll be about most of the day
Shug wrote: Two cows in a field.
Which one has foot and mouth?
The one that's on fire.
BOOM BOOM.
I know its good Shug...
..but no that good
Where you down the pub with me on Friday 
Shug wrote:
Gazman wrote:
Gazman wrote: Two cows in a field,which one has foot and mouth...
..the one thats on fire
I'll be about most of the day
Shug wrote: Two cows in a field.
Which one has foot and mouth?
The one that's on fire.
BOOM BOOM.
I know its good Shug...
..but no that good
Where you down the pub with me on Friday
Any of yer mates on CM 
A blonde wanted to go ice fish ing. She'd seen many Books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary Tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to Make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, A voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, Poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet Another hole.
Again from the heavens the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
The blonde, now worried, moved away clear down to The opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once More and tried again to cut a hole.
The voice came once more, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied, " NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK."
Mike Ashley sees an old lady struggling across a zebra crossing with two heavy shopping bags.
Ashley " Can you manage love?"
Old dear " Fcuk off, I don't want the job!"
A New Zealander is walking along a lane with a sheep under each arm.
He meets another New Zealander who asks "are you sheerin' mate?"
and the first guy replies "naw, they're all mine"
Yesterday, my stomach was rumbling for some nachos. So I got in the car and drove to the local grocer. Picked up my favorite bag of Santistas white corn chips, salsa, refried bees, black olives... and I stood in front of the cheese section holding a block of cheese with a bewildered look on my face, when the grocer walked by and stated, "That's nacho cheese!"
So I put it back and went home.... damn I'm hungry...
