You can do it when you B&Q it! wankers! :banghead:

DO NOT ORDER ANYTHING FROM B&Q HOME DELIVERY,WHAT A FCUKIN PALLAVER,I'LL EXPLAIN:

Late last year lady and mesel decided to get sum new wardrobes for the 's chateaux. After many a saturday afternoon looking round the usual shops like M.F.I Ikea and the like,we decided to have a ride through to our local B&Q Warehouse.

Must admit that i love D.I.Y Shops looking at proper mans stuff!

We both decided on 2 double contemporary white gloss wardbrobes,the doors were really glossy in an almost sexy kind of way!

Measured them up and they would fit in our master bedroom perfectly.

We both decide that we wanted the EXACT same ones as were in the shop,with their contempoaray trims in maple.

Waited until wednesday the following week so i could get a 10% discount using lord seniors diamond card.

Was well excited at the thought of ordering em and getting a 10% discount,only to be told by a 17 year old Y.T.S gimp that i couldn't use the card on major purchases!

As we really liked the robes i ordered em anyway,and was told that there would be a 12 week wait.which was fine as the room needed decor8ing anyway.

Finally got them delivered on the 19th of April and stashed em in the front bedroom until the master one was decorated and L.C.D telly firmly fixed to wall.

Unpacked the door handles which were scratched to fookin death AND there were two missing

Phoned cuntstomer service gimps only to be told that i would have to wait a further 3 weeks till they could get me my replacements delivered

So on the off chance i asked if any other B&Q Warehouses in the region had them in stock,was directed to another store about 10 miles away.

gets to the store with paperwork and handles in hand,got me replacements sorted but HAD TO FOOKIN BUY EM!

Took reciept to my local Barnsley store (10 mile round trip) and got my refund.

Got back home and realised Y.T.S gimp had written our order out WRONGLY

He had put down a maple cornice INSTEAD of contemporary maple trim!

Infuriated i rang customer service gimps AGAIN,same old shit,would have to wait 3 weeks AGAIN for replacements so,did the old can i get em from another B&Q ploy, and lo and behold they had them in stock at the Cortonwood warehouse,again another 10 mile round trip

As the cornice was 3.1 meters long,i couldn,t get it in my car so pestered my mate to take me in his works van.

Got to Cortonwood got me refund for £22,found the contemporary trim in maple,and unbelievably they only do em in packs of 2 and they cost £58 !

Had to buy em and would decide what to do with the spare trim at a later date.

Waited till the next day to build up the carcasses,it went swimmingly,UNTIL i opened the first door package!

I nearly cried,the beautiful glossy doors that we saw in the shop were just a distant memory.

All four doors had deep scratches and gouges the entire length of them

Phoned up the cuntstomer services gimps AGAIN to complain and to arrange redelivery and collection of the scratched/damaged items.

Rang cuntstomer services over in potato land.

Was told by some fookin MICK who i could hardly understand,that the damaged doors would have to be returned BEFORE new stock would be dispatched Cuntstomer service gimp arranged damaged doors to be picked up the following wednesday by a different courier firm,so had to wait in ALL AFTERNOON!

Cuntstomer service gimp said he would ring a few days before to confirm delivery time,but NEVER FUCKING RANG!

Foned em up Friday only to be told it was an all day delivery and that i would have to wait in all FUCKIN DAY AGAIN!

Was up with the birds last Saturday morning and luckily,the B&Q VAN turned up about half ten.

I was assured by mick the paddy that the packages would be open and the doors checked BEFORE dispatch.

Opened the first package only to find the same deep scratches and gouges AGAIN!

Sent em back straight away!,felt a bit sorry for the delivery drivers as thay had come all the way from NORTHAMPTON to deliver my doors!

Rang Cuntstomer services in potato land AGAIN TO COMPLAIN and to try and arrange redilevery of my sexy glossy doors.

I had to go into B&Q for some other bits and bobs which i needed,so i decided to check the doors of the display wardrobes .

Needless to say they were the perfect sexy white high gloss doors we had originally seen,apart from the odd fingermarks that is.

Fast forward to this saturday (today) approx 7.30 A.M when i was most rudely awakened by some one at the door...Bleary eyed i raced into the front bedroom to see who was knocking on my door at this time on a saturday morning and lo and behold it was the B&Q van driver,they're only supposed to work from 8-8 on saturdays?

I opened the first package with great hesitation,my pulse racing and my heart beating loudly in my chest with the extreme anxiety of the situation ONLY to find the SAME DEEP SCRATCHES AND GOUGES AS THE OTHER PREVIOUS SETS OF FUCKING DOORS!

I'm still waiting for the cuntstomer services gimp in potato land to ring me back to arrange delivery of YET MORE DOORS!

Its getting to the stage now where by rights,i should just phone em up and tell em to come and collect the lot,but they are nice .

This is their last chance if they are scratched on the next delivery,then either im gonna march to the B&Q in town and demand their display doors AND DEMAND COMPENSATION or tell em to collect the others DEMAND A FULL REFUND AND COMPENSATION.

Moral of the story,dont buy ANYTHING FROM B&Q YOU WILL BE DISSAPOINTED :wankers:

I'm still waiting........

go back tot he showroom armed with a set of screw drivers...

Doors sexy?

johnny wrote"doors sexy"

well jim was.

well ive been down so goddam long

johnny wrote: Doors sexy?

yeah,theres a programme on next week about a bird who married the eifel tower!

Im sorry to hear your tale of woe, a similar thing happened to me with some real wood flooring, which bubbled a week after I had laid it. When i complained the gimp offered me a replacement plank and some glue. He didnt quite understand the process of laying flooring and what it would take to re-lay the floor. After numerous phone calls, damp inspections, quotes for re-fitting, replastering the walls, removing, repainting re-attaching skirting boards re-painting the walls damaged by repeated removal and re-attachment of said skirting boards, I finally gave both barrels to the customer diservice rep in Ireland. Her boss had been listening in and decided that I wasnt pulling a fast one and agreed to refund the £500 that the real wood flooring had cost me. The £500 was duly pocketed and the flooring repaired with a spare plank I had and some glue!!

I though that this sort of shit only happened to me, but obviously not.

I got stopped walking in to B&Q in Aberdeen carrying an old drill bit (to compare and be sure I bought the same thing). They wanted to put a sticker on it so that I could prove that I'd not pinched it from the shop. The old bit was fucked - covered in paint, totally blunt.

Cut a long story short (which I know isn't like me but I'm pissed and can't be arsed writing it all) I got asked to leave the shop and had to go to the other branch in Bridge of Don.

The high point (for me) was calling the manager a cunt when he refused, without offering any explanation, to go into the shop and get me another drill bit that looked like mine.

Is anyone else this pissed yet?

I'd have to be pissed to go anywhere near a B&q store.Or any DIY store.Although i am quite pissed now.What time does Homebase close on a Saturday?

can somebody condense that tirade for me?

coney island baby wrote: can somebody condense that tirade for me?

Cheap hardware store is run by a bunch of conmen cunts.

I chose my new kitchen floor tiles 3 months ago from B & Q but kept putting off going in and buying them. Went in on Thursday and they've sold out.

Bastards.

Outraged of Horwich.

Anyone want decking?

Whatever happened to Texas Tom?

Now that man was cool.

I have several jokes running through my head right now.

None of them are funny.

Doctor? wrote:

coney island baby wrote: can somebody condense that tirade for me?

Cheap hardware store is run by a bunch of conmen cunts.

couldnae have put it any better sir cambo!

Dodjem wrote: Anyone want decking?

Dream on, you're about as hard as a half set strawberry jelly.

:EDIT:

Doors s'posed to be comin TODAY as its now twenny to six then i dont fcukin think so do you!

Gonne give em til 7 bells then gonna send the fcuking lot back demand FULL REFUND inc out of pocket expenses,AND make the bastards wait to collect em AT LEAST 2 months the same amount of time THEY MADE US WAIT FOR DOORS WHICH WE NEVER GOT IN THE FCUKING FIRST PLACE!

No direspec to any of the norvern irish lads,but,the gimps ON b&q CUNTSTOMER SERVICES who i've been talking to over in potato land really ARE THICK AS PIG SHIT!

It's not my place :D We do mainly Govt stuff, IPS, FCO, Floodscam, NHScarreers, that sort of shit. But many of those who work in my place are fucking retards too, I know this because we get the calls from the poor sods they've been talking to. Had one the other night, chap had lost his passport, was travelling in 9 days time. These days you cannot do the one day service to replace a lost one, it takes 7 days. Some fucking bell end had told him "aye no worries mate, you can get that done in four hours, no need to hurry for an appointment", and booked him an appointment (for the 4 hour job) 4 days before his flight. Totally fucked the poor guy's trip right up. By the time he was talking to me, it was too late to do jack for him, beyond telling him to tell the London office that "some gimboid on your adviceline said........." AND they use security to avoid doing any work. People send emails, and include all the info IPS require, and some ballsack sends back "can you confirm you are the applicant" or "can you confirm you signed this application". Lazy wankers. If you ever need to phone IPS, do it between 11 and 7, as long as you don't get my mate Gary (who can finish calls in 20 seconds and has a voice macro for "nothing to do with us"[1]) you'll be a happy camper.

[1] eg. "My passport has 3 months left and I want to travel to Jesusland, will it be OK"...Correct answer it "You're fine in and out of the UK on that until the day it expires, but other countries impose remaining validity requirements much as the UK does on foreign visitors, to check, call the jesuslander embassy on.....". His answer "nothing to do with us".