Company team building - worst experiences? — Forum Archive

28 Nov 2008, 04:44

My work is atrocious for this sort of stuff... they seem to have a separate wing of the marketing department that continuously dreams up bullshit for us do as "team building" exercises. The last thing they made us do was a treasure hunt around central London and thankfully I ended up with a few people in my team who decided to look for clues in a pub just outside Downing St for an hour. We came joint second-last :laugh:

This latest thing they've come up with makes the treasure hunt seem like "a really productive use of company time". Random groups have to film a "promotional video" using the song "Rockstar" by fucking Nickelback and incorporate the four "values" of the company. We should then present to management for marking.

I mean, for fuck's sake... :nonono: It's all under the guise of "being a laugh" but I've had more fun getting my teeth drilled at the dentist.

Anyone else got any bad experiences with team building bollocks in jobs/previous jobs?

28 Nov 2008, 05:01

I'd just send them the YouTube link for the Rock Star video! :smoking:

In our company, we have two appraisals a year - one mid-term, and one end of year... They still haven't noticed that all I do is change the dates at the top of the appraisal and resubmit it each time! :lol:

:smoking:

28 Nov 2008, 05:05

My place gave up on that tortuous septic-inspired shite, they realised that doing anything to unite your staff is a mistake if you then try to piss them about.

28 Nov 2008, 05:07

All Bollocks, you'll have Buddy Systems next - Purile American Bollocks :angry:

28 Nov 2008, 05:08

I used Bollocks twice, how about that :hat:

28 Nov 2008, 05:13

Do companies really do that stuff? Jesus! I thought it only happened in 'The Office'.

I remember bursting out laughing in an ex's face when she tried to justify this team building thing she'd went on which involved her abseiling or some such shite. She explained, quite sincerely, how it helped the team with 'trust issues' that existed between them.

With hindsight I was perhaps a bit too mean as she left me (after 5 and a half years!) a few weeks later. She worked for HBOS though so Karen, if you're reading this, who's laughing now bitch! :laugh:

28 Nov 2008, 05:16

GlasVegas wrote: Do companies really do that stuff? Jesus! I thought it only happened in 'The Office'.

I remember bursting out laughing in an ex's face when she tried to justify this team building thing she'd went on which involved her abseiling or some such shite. She explained, quite sincerely, how it helped the team with 'trust issues' that existed between them.

With hindsight I was perhaps a bit too mean as she left me (after 5 and a half years!) a few weeks later. She worked for HBOS though so Karen, if you're reading this, who's laughing now bitch!

Sounds like you're well outta there mate.....she'd been replaced with a pod.

28 Nov 2008, 05:42

'Team Building' is always a waste of time as it crushes pockets of rivalry that are sometimes useful and takes up such an enormous amount of office hours that it becomes counterproductive.

28 Nov 2008, 06:45

Jeezus, do people still do that sorta thing?

Only way to build a team properly is to go get cnuted together!

Or have a nice meal.

One of the two anyways. :nod:

28 Nov 2008, 07:29

El Jarvo wrote: Jeezus, do people still do that sorta thing?

Only way to build a team properly is to go get cnuted together!

Or have a nice meal.

One of the two anyways.

I find that paying the entire team £25 for a week's wage which included working Christmas Eve, Christmas night and Boxing night, and then telling them nobody can be arsed to sort it out until the end of January does fucking WONDERS for creating a certain solidarity.

(we eventually explained that nobody could afford to get into work over New year.....and they gave us a £100 sub each....that they stole from the Children in Need box.)

But yeah, failing mass anal raping, a decent feed is a good second best.

28 Nov 2008, 10:38

Yep, in my experience the only thing that's brought "the team" closer together is a Saturday night piss up in town.Everyone's mates for about...oooh..a week afterwards.Then old arguments, ego clashes, disagreements and petty bickering creep back in

6 Dec 2008, 13:11

Right, I have to "film" this "video" next Friday.

Please fucking help.

Any and all excuses are very welcome... if I use one and it is successful feel free to claim 3 free pints off me if we ever meet or some New Order rarities in MP3 if you're not local; I really can't say fairer than that. Several Vikings will confirm that I am pretty much trustworthy.

Already thought of pulling a sicky... so I'm looking for something more realistic and spontaneous :nod: something not so obvious.

If I wanted to be in an episode of The Office I'd stick on the DVD at full volume and close my eyes... not arse around to a Nickelback video :cry: add to that I'd rather sandpaper my eyeballs than listen to the aural faeces they continuously try to pass of as musak.

6 Dec 2008, 13:56

Dub the "song" onto hightlights of a rather good footie match as an example of excellent teamwork.

6 Dec 2008, 13:59

Just play them the Nickleback video in full - and that's it...

When they ask about anything company-related, just say that the song itself explains it all - there was no need to add anything else... :)

As in "I'd rather be a rock & roll star than work at this company"! :-p

:smoking:

6 Dec 2008, 15:03

Doctor? wrote: Dub the "song" onto hightlights of a rather good footie match as an example of excellent teamwork.

Steal this one and redub the music

6 Dec 2008, 20:04

Vag Jones wrote: 'Team Building' is always a waste of time as it crushes pockets of rivalry that are sometimes useful and takes up such an enormous amount of office hours that it becomes counterproductive.

So fuck,doyle....If you use your initiative,you can get your nuts. Even just smelly finger is good for morale,I'd imagine..

Well aye,course it is! These are the ties that bind us! :uhoh: :laugh:

Edit: I work in an all male gaff,and we have these team bonding things..How shit is that?

It's not that shit actually...no one gets their oats,being the only shite bit.. Otherwise it's a paid piss up,with no ear bashing! What's not to like about that? :shrug:

7 Dec 2008, 16:47

FCUK em all-bastards :lol:

8 Dec 2008, 08:55

Could get a bunch of the employees and film a wank off and set it to the Nickelback song :nod:

oh forgot the ladies, well the spunk could be collected in kool-aid pitchers and gargled by the lot of 'em

definately team building if you ask me :smoking:

8 Dec 2008, 17:28

be truly offensive and they'll never ask you to do it again. Make a "rockstar" video with dead rockers in it. elvis having his final shit, kobain brain splatter , curtis late night hanging around, mamma cass choking on her ham sandwich you get the picture.

8 Dec 2008, 19:31

I suggest you consult The Bastard on this subject............

BOFH