America: The Good & The Bad

After having returned only days ago from my six-week trip to The United States, as an Englishman I feel obliged to comment on what I liked & disliked about the good ol` U S of A.

NB Bear in mind all my comments are extremely superficial. No change there, then...

THE GOOD

• Americans LOVE iced tea. I didn`t think I would, I prefer mine hot with milk & sugar, but dammit, you guys got me into Nestea & Snapple something chronic!

• Speaking of drinks, Mountain Dew is the nicest beverage in world history. Typically then, that it isnt sold on my feckin island....

• The choice of food at places like McDonalds, KFC etc is very impressive. Mozarella sticks, boneless BBQ wings (which gave me the shits, by the way), the Statesiders know what they like. I must admit I think UK Burger Kings are better than US ones, though....

• Your weather is so much better! Even in New Jersey!

• The choices on diner menus are so varied I could go 100 times & have something different

• Matchbox Twenty are worshipped over there, whearas the general public in Britain are too darn ignorant to appreciate such a band. 'Unwell' has to be the best single I`ve heard this year

• Houses are BIG. And many of `em have outdoor pools, which is fantastic (the inground ones, not those crappy above-ground paddling pools)

• Dairy Queen ice cream is amazing. So are Chuck E. Cheese pizzas. And before you ask- yes, I DID play on the games!

• Free refills on soft drinks at most fast food places. Why can`t the tightwads in Britain do that?

THE BAD

• Wildwood Boardwalk in New Jersey is SUCH a rip-off, I`d advise anyone thinking of going this summer to take out a bank loan first

• The Spanish-speaking communities are pandered to WAY too much. Now Im NOT a racist, but even I got annoyed by all these Puerto Ricans & Mexicans who just cant be arsed to learn a smidgen of English, despite living in an English-speaking country. Dammit, if I was moving to Russia, Id at least take the time to brush up on Russian basics! The Spaniels in the USA are way too arrogant, cos they know everyone over there wont force them to learn any English

• MTV plays even less music videos than the MTV channel in Britain. You arseholes!

• Noone really gives two hoots about New Order in America. It took me over a month to find one N.O CD in a store there....

• American bacon is NASTY (Canadian Bacon is nice, though)

• The sand at Point Pleasant Beach hurt my feet!

All in all, I had a fab time in "The Land Of The Free", & Im looking forward to getting back there as soon as possible. With my wife being American, we have the option of moving there whenever we feel like it, but for now, the United Kingdom is home. And dats the shiznit, be-atch! Shizzle my nizzle, etc etc....

Good observations on the state of the States JSB ... its nice to see a man listing fast food outlets as the hub of the review of an entire country.

I don't know what that says about anything.

The last time I heard about An Englishman in New York was by the Stinger himself Gordon Sunbeam, who insisted that the Americans never drank tea but took coffee, and liked their toast covered on both sides.

Hopefully in the year 2020, another person from our fair land will again cross the Atlantic to report on the state of lobster pots in Wyoming.

let me be the first yankee-my-wanky to respond to you take on our country:

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes - Your weather is so much better! Even in New Jersey!

this is probably the first compliment New Jersey has gotten in the past two years. fuck new jersey. you probably got lucky with the weather.

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes - Matchbox Twenty are worshipped over there, whearas the general public in Britain are too darn ignorant to appreciate such a band. 'Unwell' has to be the best single I`ve heard this year

no one seems to like them in the southwest... must be an eastern thing

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes - The Spanish-speaking communities are pandered to WAY too much. Now Im NOT a racist, but even I got annoyed by all these Puerto Ricans & Mexicans who just cant be arsed to learn a smidgen of English, despite living in an English-speaking country. Dammit, if I was moving to Russia, Id at least take the time to brush up on Russian basics! The Spaniels in the USA are way too arrogant, cos they know everyone over there wont force them to learn any English

all right, here is the problem with speaking english. there is no official language of the U.S. so we all just have to learn to get along and celebrate the diversity. just because the majority speak english, doesn't mean that the huge spanish speaking population should be forced to speak it. for example, if you go to get your drivers licsence, you can request your test in 36 different languages. the bottom line is survival. if you can get through you daily activities speaking cantonese, great. if not, learn some of common language.

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes - American bacon is NASTY (Canadian Bacon is nice, though)

i agree whole heartedly

Mt. Dew is pretty good stuff but hella sugary. It's so popular over here that it's spawned a silly urban legend that it causes your balls to shrink.

Dairy Queen ice cream is quite good, and probably the only reason to go there since most of the other food is nasty. Ice cream cakes and Blizzards are massively good.

Matchbox 20 is a silly pop band I can't be asked to deal with, but I actually saw them live a few years back in Seattle because they were the last act in a long concert featuring such superior artists as Beck. Needless to say, we got bored after several songs and left. They do seem to be somewhat popular up this way (for those with no discerning taste).

The Hispanic community is indeed quite large here and indeed many of them can't be bothered to speak English. Luckily I took 3 years of Spanish in high school, so I at least know when one of them is insulting me behind my back. That said, I live in an agricultural area, so we have a huge migrant worker population. They actually outnumber whitey in several states, such as California, regardless of whether or not they immigrated legally (as some do not). If this relates to not speaking English, I don't know, but I heard some talk that the U.S. may become a bilingual country in the future with English and Spanish.

No one over 15 still watches MTV in this country. They actually have an MTV2 channel that shows more videos since the first one is filled with shite. VH1 is pretty bad too, but VH1 Classic has some quality videos now and then. I've seen BLT and Confusion on there before, and Atmosphere on there just yesterday.

Very few people know who New Order is over here, and they only remember Blue Monday, True Faith, and BLT. No young people have heard of them. It's easiest to shop for their stuff online.

American bacon can be good, but it's always very salty and greasy. They usually don't make it right and it comes out a sizzling, black strip of fat.

i fully support becoming a bilingual country, and prefer sausage to bacon.:D

Originally posted by Sean Taugher i fully support becoming a bilingual country, and prefer sausage to bacon.:D

SEAN likes sausage...you heard it ONLINE here first.

we should probably compound this rumor with the fact that i am a raging...

...pet shop boys fan?

I didn't realize PSB fans raged.

the american ones do.

Did you try Krusty Kerme doughnuts ??? i hear they are quite tasty and everyones favourite eygtian corner shop shall have them soon

It's Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and, while one may be good, several or a box at once is quite sickening, since they're almost as greasy as bacon.

Pretty good assessment, can't find much to disagree with, though I'm no Matchbox 20 fan, have never been to New Jersey, and I usually limit my fast food to Wendy's. One thing Shug noticed a couple of weeks ago, which he found to be amazing, was the self-check out at some supermarkets. He reckoned that most of the patrons back home would be getting the five-fingered discount very, very regularly.

Oregon finally got a Krispy Kreme store this last week; two poor sods waited in 95 degree weather for 2 days to be first in line. Yes, they're very, very good, but I couldn't imagine eating more than 2 in one day.

the last time i heard of an 'englishman in new york' was a song by the wonderful sting and the police.

Interesting that you mention the Spanish issue. But 100 years ago in my state they were passing laws against people speaking German. The next 100 years should be interesting.

It's not only the Spanish communities that don't know English, for there are Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, Farsi, Russian, and Armenian speaking communities throughout LA. The one thing about the states is that one can buy enormous amounts of food very cheaply. Also our TV is dominated by commercials

Yep, the TV is dominated by advertising. It was bloody annoying trying to watch a measly half-hour episode of 'Friends' or 'Jackass' & having to put up with 3 or 4 commercial breaks.

Wendys Hamburgers are OK, but the choice of their menu is rather limited. I was hoping to go to Fuddruckers (attention all ye Spoonerism fanatics!) but never got round to it.

I guess the language thing varies from state-to-state. If you believe all the T-shirts at Wildwood Pier, everyone in NJ is either Puerto Rican, Italian or Irish. At least the latter two will speak to you in plain English (Before anyone starts calling me a xenophobe, my adopted brother-in-law is Puerto Rican, & even HE thinks all the Spaniels need to make more of an effort to learn the English lingo)

Never tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but did go to Dunkin Donuts a couple of times. Their coffee is NICE!

My wife & I are hoping to move to NJ permenantly one day in the future, but with our limited finances, sadly I dont see that day coming anytime soon. I dont suppose any of you have any ideas on how I can raise a couple thousand pounds (or, indeed, dollars) without having to resort to the usual law-breaking agenda...?

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes I guess the language thing varies from state-to-state. If you believe all the T-shirts at Wildwood Pier, everyone in NJ is either Puerto Rican, Italian or Irish. At least the latter two will speak to you in plain English (Before anyone starts calling me a xenophobe, my adopted brother-in-law is Puerto Rican, & even HE thinks all the Spaniels need to make more of an effort to learn the English lingo)Never tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but did go to Dunkin Donuts a couple of times. Their coffee is NICE!My wife & I are hoping to move to NJ permenantly one day in the future, but with our limited finances, sadly I dont see that day coming anytime soon. I dont suppose any of you have any ideas on how I can raise a couple thousand pounds (or, indeed, dollars) without having to resort to the usual law-breaking agenda...?

Pretty much everyone in Wildwood, NJ is Irish, Italian or Puerto Rican. No Americans. We (at least here in the NYC metro area) don't think of ourselves as Americans. We all still identify with our "roots" (even if they're 5 or 6 generations old).

And there are people who know New Order here. I think you'll find them centered more in the metropolitan areas. Wildwood may be too far, but 106.3 WHTG on the Jersey Shore is actually a pretty decent station that at least up until recently played quite a bit of New Order. But you'll find that if anyone does know them, it's via BLT or True Faith...possibly BM.

Krispy Kreme totally whups Dunkin Donut ass!

Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes Never tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but did go to Dunkin Donuts a couple of times. Their coffee is NICE!

:barf: i hope you are being sarcastic... when i was in New Jersey in 2000, their coffee was one the grossist things i'd ever consumed. it was there that i also learned what "regular" coffee was to a new jersey-ite: two creams, two sugars.

in california "regular" coffee is a natural roasted coffee, not a mocha-amaretto-hazelnut-pumpkin-vanilla roast that tastes more like shit than it does coffee.

i hate anything in my coffee other that water, and coffee oil. :D

Originally posted by Sean Taugher > Originally posted by James Stephen Barnes> > Never tried Krispy Kreme doughnuts, but did go to Dunkin Donuts a couple of times. Their coffee is NICE!

:barf: i hope you are being sarcastic... when i was in New Jersey in 2000, their coffee was one the grossist things i'd ever consumed. it was there that i also learned what "regular" coffee was to a new jersey-ite: two creams, two sugars.

:D

Coffee, like anything else consumable, is a personal preference. Im sure there IS a nicer drink out there than the coffee at D.Ds, but I enjoyed it, so that`s all that matters in my mind.

Sarcasm never even entered my head (for once!)

Originally posted by ShugZV©
The Good? Bars being open till 6 in the morning.

The Bad......Tipping, no smoking in bars, too many Americans, salad with a cheese and ham toastie??? the heat, people constantly tooting their horns, gay people, goths, transvestites, being unable to speak English properly, shitey wee toilets that don't flush properly and the water's far too close to yer arse when yer parched on top of it after a heavy night out on the piss, shit drugs, watered down lager, local lagers that taste of rubber and piss, people always telling you to have a nice day, beggars........

Plenty of those bad things that you label the USA with occur in Britain, too, Shuggaroo (beggars, rubbish drugs, goths, bad lager etc etc...)

And as for mentioning Trannies?!!! Bloody hell, Shug, your kinsman invented men wearing skirts!

(Sorry, I`m in an anti-British mood, today, particularly anti-Scottish!)

i don't understand the thing with krispy kreme as they make sick