The offical, post tour, ATR victim support thread

So after a load of gigs this year, many of us, have found ourselves the recipients of outraged texts, that we cannot account for.

I thought I should start a thread where Alex's phone-theiving victims could share their trauma.

Did YOU hae your phone "borrwed" by a fat northerner this year? or did YOU receive an uncharacteristicly sexual suggestion from another NOOLer that they denied (that's plausibly denied as opposed to just sounding like they really DID send whilst completely boozefuckered).

I'll start, shall I?

I'm Steve, and Alex texted "I want poo sex with you" to,among several others, my sister's best friend, and my BOSS.

With South America coming up, our testimonials may just save someone's mother being asked for a soapytitwank.

I have to put up with this every week.

But the best one was in Ireland in September. We were sat in a teepee, and in there were some people who we think lived on the estate where Electric Picnic was held. Anyway, they stupidly leave there phone hanging around, and Alex, picks it up and sends something to someone. I dont know what was said, or exactly who the person was, but the guy whose phone it was was not happy in the slightest and stormed off.

Me being me, having been the victim of this on may occasions, laughed my head off. But thats mainly because I thought he was a smarmy irish twat.

http://www.worldisround.com/articles/317507/photo92.html

"So Shug, is that request of yours legal?"

Edit: Won't disply the darned photo

Ally wrote: And I quote:

"I want to lick you all over and have you tease me with a big banana"

Certainly raised an eyebrow when I was walking home from the shop

WHY......don't shoplifters RUN up your way then?

To my boss and 3 of my quieter friends who I don't see very often...

"I want to lick your bum"

In Bournemouth, Blackpool, Glasgow, Wembley and Wolves I caught him just in time to snatch my phone back.

Bloody sod!

El Jarvo wrote: And there was me thinking you lot thought this was oh-so-funny.

Bless. You all look just soooo bothered at the time.

Well it is amusing, did you really think this thread was a product of seething rage?

Mind you, If I'd got chewed my boss for his offer of poo sex, I may have been a touch miffed.....after all it's the job that finances NO gigs.

Doesn't mean I'm not plotting a terrible rewengie. (black adder fans will read that right, others will just think that the last vestiges of my grammar and spelling have pissed off.

I should add.......

At my wee sis's wedding today, her mate, Julie, a recent recipient of one of Alex's love poems, was introdcing me to people as "this is steve, he wants poo sex"....honestly...and to anyone who already knew me..."here, did you know...." etc

Really, one has to laugh, partly because he's a proper NO fan of the highest calibre, and partly because his Alan Wise, had me in fucking BITS, but mainly because laughing's better than killing him

dicing his body rendering it in quick lime burning the result burying the ashes and pissing on them.

Which is, naturally, the only other sane option.

honestly, tho, it IS funny as fuck, but some day...SOME day, it'll go really wrong.

Doctor? wrote:

Doesn't mean I'm not plotting a terrible rewengie. (black adder fans will read that right, others will just think that the last vestiges of my grammar and spelling have pissed off.

Steve Dr? Campbell ace that you made it back to Londion- town and home in one functioning piece. One Windows OS to scold here. Complete waste of time with boots and re-boots etc.s getting away from the Betas to the 'Real IE- 7.. Is nice and working perfectly now though. Penguins might be the next way.

Doctor? wrote: So after a load of gigs this year, many of us, have found ourselves the recipients of outraged texts, that we cannot account for.

I thought I should start a thread where Alex's phone-theiving victims could share their trauma.

Did YOU hae your phone "borrwed" by a fat northerner this year? or did YOU receive an uncharacteristicly sexual suggestion from another NOOLer that they denied (that's plausibly denied as opposed to just sounding like they really DID send whilst completely boozefuckered).

I'll start, shall I?

I'm Steve, and Alex texted "I want poo sex with you" to,among several others, my sister's best friend, and my BOSS.

With South America coming up, our testimonials may just save someone's mother being asked for a soapytitwank.

so your text requesting "poo sex" wasn't legit?

Sorry to dissappoint chick ;)

I was rather hoping this thread would troll out some truly impressive tales of his deeds, but it seems Jem and me are joint leaders with our bosses as victims.

I hide my phone where he will never find it.... Hurts a bit when I walk tho...:\ohwell:

Mrs Milky wrote: I hide my phone where he will never find it.... Hurts a bit when I walk tho...:\ohwell:

LOL So THAT's what's up with your eyes, the virus thing's just a coverstory

how is they BTW?

Doctor? wrote:

Mrs Milky wrote: I hide my phone where he will never find it.... Hurts a bit when I walk tho...:\ohwell:

LOL So THAT's what's up with your eyes, the virus thing's just a coverstory

how is they BTW?

I wish... Moorfields signed me off today as fit for travel which is cool and there was an announcement on TV yesterday saying that you can now take 100ml of liquid on the plane (hand luggage) so at least I can take my eye drops on board without all the hassle of a doctors letter.. still got a wee bit of a sore throat, but it feels fine when I gargle with brandy.. honey & lemon just don't touch it!

Mrs Milky wrote:

there was an announcement on TV yesterday saying that you can now take 100ml of liquid on the plane (hand luggage)

Brilliant, now where's Darren with his...

When he stayed at are pad last week, we had to follow him round like a child just in case he got hold of something he shouldn't of. Oh er misses. Try putting the brandy etc in your eye, can't be any worse than it is now, and the phone must be a bit of a squeeze!!

reg wrote: and the phone must be a bit of a squeeze!!

But you don't know where I hide it ;)

Well maybe when the swinging comes off, we will all find out!!:)

reg wrote: Well maybe when the swinging comes off, we will all find out!!:)

I only take my mobile out with me when we go dogging

i was thinking of taking the head ache juice,but it does say HIGHLY INFLAMABLE!!!!!! I don't want 2 spend the tour in a stinking brazilian prison cell....

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote:

Mrs Milky wrote:

reg wrote: Well maybe when the swinging comes off, we will all find out!!:)

I only take my mobile out with me when we go dogging

dogging???

Yes she gets down on all fours and prays:D To the M1

reg wrote:

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote:

Mrs Milky wrote:

reg wrote: Well maybe when the swinging comes off, we will all find out!!:)

I only take my mobile out with me when we go dogging

dogging???

Yes she gets down on all fours and prays:D To the M1

'WELSHCAKE' wrote: i was thinking of taking the head ache juice,but it does say HIGHLY INFLAMABLE!!!!!! I don't want 2 spend the tour in a stinking brazilian prison cell....

There is a very unfortunate picture of myself and you partaking in the said head ache juice from NOOL day!! How very bad lads we are

Fucking Welshcakes just nicked my pkone and texted Alan Wise that I want to bum him!

He phoned back!!

Jeffari-al-Texani wrote:

fucking CLASS!!!

We are going out next Thursday!!!!!

Oh and thanks for my message too, I knew it wasn't you, it was far too offensive.