ROOM 101

Barney's camouflage fleece (recently spotted on Later With Jools Holland). I mean, come on, what was that all about!! Was he trying to camouflage his middle-aged spread or was he trying to sweat it off? Whatever happened to the skinny Bundeswear vests and cub scout shorts?? Okay, maybe they are best forgotten - but remember, image also sells CDs. Come on Barney - you're beginning to look like me! (Ha! He should be so lucky) :)

ok:

1. uk garage. (i have very strong feelings against this)
2. robbie williams. (just cos he's a complete twat. something to make you laugh: he was voted 6th most influential musician of the last millennium by hmv customers)
3. flying insects. (when people say "they're more scared of you than you are of them" that is such a load of bollocks. they are the servants of satan)
4. bus companies particularly travel west midlands. (they have a sadistic desire to make you late for everything, and cause you severe emotional torment by making you wait for an hour in the freezing cold and pouring rain for a bus which supposedly comes every few minutes)
5. dolls. (they are actually evil. i have never found anything remotely appealing about them even when i was ickle.)

this post is really long. i bet no one actually reads it till the end - and after i poured my heart and soul into it, sniff sniff...

Originally posted by Sarah Middle ok:1. uk garage. (i have very strong feelings against this)2. robbie williams. (just cos he's a complete twat. something to make you laugh: he was voted 6th most influential musician of the last millennium by hmv customers)3. flying insects. (when people say "they're more scared of you than you are of them" that is such a load of bollocks. they are the servants of satan)4. bus companies particularly travel west midlands. (they have a sadistic desire to make you late for everything, and cause you severe emotional torment by making you wait for an hour in the freezing cold and pouring rain for a bus which supposedly comes every few minutes)5. dolls. (they are actually evil. i have never found anything remotely appealing about them even when i was ickle.)this post is really long. i bet no one actually reads it till the end - and after i poured my heart and soul into it, sniff sniff...

Sarah honey, I too LOATHE insects, especially flies. I agree with you 100%, they ARE Satans servants!

Room 101? Five worst things?

Oh my god, my list is as long as 100 arms.

How long have you got?

Well here's a tiny little taster then:

1. Crap euro trance/hard house shite and the fact that it never seems to go away.
2. Charity Records for Comic Relief especially
3. Radio 1 (much of it)
4. The Best....Ever compilations - if they're the best...ever...then why has the fucking "Dance" titles now gone into triple figures as regards its followups? Fuck off the whole lot of yer.
5. Teenagers in Britain (the shite ones, they know who they are
6. The public transport in Britain
7. Guy Fawkes Night
8. Crap docusoaps and shite reality TV programmes completely saturating the schedules - who needs any more programmes glorifying the already unmittigating shiteness of British people anymore?
9. The public transport system inUK
10. The lack of a coherent policy on legallising soft drugs in UK
11. Too much hypocrisy related to issues connected with point 9.
12. The public transport system in UK
13. The UK tabloids and the cult of celebrity arselicking everywhere
14. Phil Collins/Sting/Eric Clapton/Paul Weller/ any other boring old past-it British rockristcratic hasbeen
15. :man:
16. 

Martin, please a roll a vv large spilff of northern lights and chill !!!!!!!!!

u forgot richarn n fuckin tits out judy

Originally posted by Niel Johnstone Martin, please a roll a vv large spilff of northern lights and chill !!!!!!!!!

Ha ha , little do you know man, I'm sitting here in an Amsterdam Coffee Shop at this very moment as I type this, so nyeeeeeeeeeaaaarrrr!!! :p

(bollocks to England! The future's Dutch! The future's Orange!!)

i'd picked that fact up in an earlier thread !!! ur rant on uk public transport

i nominate an unholy trinity of songs: 1.stairway to heaven-led zepellin (or any fucking version of it for that matter) 2.free bird - lynyard skynyard 3.hotel california - the eagles

does anyone have anything to say in their favour?.. i thought not. send them in.

you're definitely not a girl then, it appears.... :evil:

You all forgot that Southampton wank*r Craig David.

martin, explain that one will u?

The choice of records - they could only be popular with more males than females... it's not often a girl would come up with those titles at the drop of the hat...oh....I don't know man.....I'm sitting here posting this in a coffee-shop in Amsterdam and believe me, I'm nearly falling asleep cuz the atmosphere here is so chilled unlike in shitty old England..... :sleepy: ....I don't know man....it's all very confusing this lark....and the smoke curling round my temples isn't aiding my clarity of thought one iota!

By the way, once I get back to (fucking) England, I will start making preparations to sending you the mystery Factory record - so I guess we'll have to email each other to get the usual details first.....ok? (Have you read the updates on Teaser #2/and the Backwards posts yet?)

Originally posted by King of Nothing You all forgot that Southampton wank*r Craig David.

Did you know that, like Peter Andre before him, Craig David is rumoured to be a eunuch????!!!

The choice of records - they could only be popular with more males than females... it's not often a girl would come up with those titles at the drop of the hat...

tst tsk now u know u shouldnt make assumptions, dont u martin? even a girl could tell u those records are big piles of wank..

Isn't that smilie so cute? The way it waggles its little finger?!

In fact I like it so much, I'm going to type it again

and again

and again

and yet again

and yet once again

fuck - it's addictive this!!

Originally posted by Shug [bMarty, Marty, Marty You never cease to amaze me! I will BANISH everything except for No 2, Charity records are genuinely for a good cause, and if you can remember "THE STONK" from the early 90's I'm sure you would change your mind on this one

Come off it! Hale and Pace are C***s as well, so they should go in there too! "THE STINK" - more like!!

aw thanks shug i can now sleep peacefully knowing the five evils have been banished. btw i was including craig david in the uk garage thing - i can't stand the bastard either.

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Martin Gray> > > > Originally posted by Shug> > [bMarty, Marty, Marty> > You never cease to amaze me! I will BANISH everything except for No 2, Charity records are genuinely for a good cause, and if you can remember "THE STONK" from the early 90's I'm sure you would change your mind on this one>

Come off it! Hale and Pace are C***s as well, so they should go in there too! "THE STINK" - more like!!

Come to think of it, I can't remember one funny sketch by them either BANISHED

YEEEEEEEEAHHHHHH!!!!!!

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by King of Nothing> You all forgot that Southampton wank*r Craig David. >

Excellent, I can't stand the tosser either BANISHED

Show me the Funnies on E4? Bloody hilarious...Bo Shealecta! LOL

Oh and BTW, hes a tosser, I actually crashed my car last year, wrote it off and ended up in hospital, because i was trying to get that smug faced little tosser off my radio....it was painful and expensive, but worth every fucking penny! Re-e-wind...my arse....

Liv

VG, how could I possibly banish Stairway to Heaven, do you not remember Rolf Harris' classic version!! shug, i`m not convinced by your reasoning...

All this plastic R'nB bollocks cluttering up the airwaves gets on my tits - has anyone else noticed that, aside from the crappy antiseptic production of these songs, the singing always amounts to a horrendous form of yodelling - almost as if the fucking singers are trying to walk some fucking tightrope or something?

Some other things we could do with banishing are all those annoying loud adverts for shite dance compilations on telly that you usually get together in groups of four or five early evening on Channel 4. What a load of irritating arse.

Originally posted by Martin Gray

I am listening to Tbthog and they are all wiggling their fingers to the music...

Well Shug, I think the Crystal Video is a pile of cack.

So, will you stick that one in for us too??

And what about that horrid cheesy trance anthem "9PM TILL YOU DIE"?? (sic) by ATB which you couldn't escape from at all wherever you were during the summer-autumn of 1999? That is the most cretinous piece of lowest common denominator toe-curling toss I have ever been subjected to (well, until another one came along that is, of course)So annoying it makes me want to kick someones head in each time I hear it.

Please can you drop that one from great height? Per-leeeeze??? :evil:

Originally posted by Sophisticated (Lady) > Originally posted by Martin Gray>

Blimey! You know what? They're also doing it to Jamiroquai's "The Space Cowboy" now as well!! I am listening to Tbthog and they are all wiggling their fingers to the music...

Originally posted by Sophisticated (Lady) > Originally posted by Martin Gray>

Blimey! You know what? They're also doing it to Jamiroquai's "The Space Cowboy" now as well!!

Room 101, piece of piss

1. All pepole from Stoke on Trent
2. New cak band Starsailor
3. Tony Wilson when he talks about football
4. Manchester United fans
5. My girlfriends cooking.

can you just banish football in general (ooh i bet i'm sparking off controversy here!)

what? ickle me? i bet everyone's going to hate me now.

No, not everyone, I love you cuz you hate football! There! I said it! Yes - and it ISN'T the spliffs talking this time! (or any other time, come to think of it - I'm not that easily subdued by recreational substances!)

awww thanks martin i love you too! i'm so glad i'm not alone in this scary world of football fanatics!

I think this thread is immense fun. We should all make a concerted effort keep it running for as long as it is possible....

ARE YOU LISTENING, SHUG?? YOU HAVE RABID FANS OF THIS THREAD ALONE!!!!!

Keep them coming...keep them coming!!!!

Hey! The last two Oasis albums for a start. I'm amazed no one's thought of mentioning them before....!

shug, please please banish It girls. They are ugly(well at least i think so), spoilt, undernourished, snooty, shopaholic bitches...and they just wont fucking go away.. and if u wont banish all of them at least send in tamara beckwith`s eyebrows..

shug i am extremely unimpressed with your very un-pc view on my hatred of football. if anyone out there agrees with me on the football thang let your voice be heard. we must speak out against this atrocity!!!!

Allen, again youre right. 'Trendy' football supporters. Tony Blair pretending to like Football. What a tw*t.

White people who speak like their black (in Landahn esp).

C*nts with suits and briefcases who think they have a divine right to push in front of you on the tube (Landahn thing again)

People who whistle

Originally posted by Seb&nbspBriggs People who whistle

I can't stand whistling either. It's the most horrendous thing anyone can do with their lips. Some time ago I went to this cafe and there was some fooker who was whistling along to all the songs being played on the radio. Maaaan, was it in an atonal way too.

:headoff:

Not a hue Blair fan, but I think his ability to keep up with Kev Keegs doing headers should exonerate him from being labled 'new football' especially as he went to private scool. Can I put unnecessary boob jobs in? if they don't droop adding scar tissue is a bad idea.You can't watch American porn without seeing ugly rippling flesh at the sides and natural movement is soooo much sexier than watching silicone/saline move inside someone.

Originally posted by King of Nothing > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> > > People who whistle

I can't stand whistling either. It's the most horrendous thing anyone can do with their lips. Some time ago I went to this cafe and there was some fooker who was whistling along to all the songs being played on the radio. Maaaan, was it in an atonal way too.

:headoff: :

I have the misfortune to live with a gimp who whistles incessantly.Everything. Eastenders is his favourite, and he stamps he feet, claps and clicks his fingers along to it as well. He's very posh as well. Its only a matter of time until I beat the shit out of him...

Originally posted by King of Nothing > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> > > People who whistle

I can't stand whistling either. It's the most horrendous thing anyone can do with their lips. Some time ago I went to this cafe and there was some fooker who was whistling along to all the songs being played on the radio. Maaaan, was it in an atonal way too.

:headoff:

Whistling men! Yeaaaaaahhhhh!! TOO BLOODY RIGHT MAN!! TOO BLOODY RIGHT! What IS it about Men and whistling, huh? Do they really need to keep reminding us of their masculinity by going around whistling all the time for no godforsaken reason at all? Very few women do it! I mean: consider the facts: a) stand in any queue and when a bloke stands behind you, nine times out of ten, he'll whistle. Tunelessly. Yeah? Yeah! b) go for a slash in the bog, what do you always hear? Yep, you got it, whistling blokes. c) manual workers or gas fitters or postmen or fat beerbellied blokes going about their business. Whistling in an annoying and pointless way? QED!! d) old men who have severe verbal diarrhoea - watch them go about their business in supermarkets: whistling nothing tuneful as they go their way. e) as you already mentioned, a song somes on the radio, WHY MUST MEN INSIST on destroying it by whistling goofily and gormlessly along? WHY? WHY WHY? Whay can't they just SHUT DA FUKK UP or, if they need to get it out without having go and to wank themselves off in private somewhere quiet, why not just hum quietly, or sing along either IN TUNE but unobtrusively? God I hate that!!! So is this a peculiar male phenomenon or are some of us just too oversensitive about all this bravado bollocks? On many occasions I've turned round (say in a queue) to face the goofy twat whistling and said, firmly, "can you please stop that? I have an ear infection and that hurts..." you'll be pleasantly surprised at how effective that is in shutting them up. However, if that doesn't work, then try and resort to doing what I dearly fantasise about doing - that is, taking a blowtorch to their crabby lips and burning the fucking sluggy things off. That should sort the incontinent fuckers out!! Haw Haw Haw!!! :evil:

Originally posted by Seb Briggs

\

GO! GO! GO! Seb! What are you waiting for??!

(sorry, I'm supposed to be chilled here in the Dam aren't I? )

And whilst we're on it, people - especially student types, who try to copy Ali-G - remember him? Not realising the joke and irony is lost on them (like you put it earlier)

And also!! Constant use of the term Wicked (or WIKKID!!). Over familiarity always breeds contempt. Listen and learn!

Ha ha! ANOTHER smilie coKK uP !!

Oh, Shug, we've got to include MOBILE RINGTONES as well - cuz they're JUST AS ANNOYING as men whistling tunelessly whilst twanging their banjos. I mean, on trains, especially. AAAARGGHH!! The poxy tunes are so fecking annoying as well. (the NME have this weekly top ten of ringtones, how fucking sad and juvenile is that?) Makes you wanna grab hold of em and shove em up the owner's arse, then they'll be bleeping big time then won't they?!! :evil:

My ideal ringtone to end allringtones would be a deafening blood curdling scream/roar followed by a loud shotgun blast or explosion. That should freak the little smug fuckers out. Problem is, I'd have to carry a pretty big speaker around with me to achieve this, never mind anything. (great idea for a comedy sketch that - I can just about see this in my mind's eye - DOM JOLY EAT YER HEART OUT!)

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> Allen, again youre right. 'Trendy' football supporters. Tony Blair pretending to like Football. What a tw*t. > > White people who speak like their black (in Landahn esp).> > C*nts with suits and briefcases who think they have a divine right to push in front of you on the tube (Landahn thing again)> > People who whistle

people who speak in other peoples accents (espescially Ali G)..BANISHED people wearing suits and carrying briefcases I would have accepted..BANISHED people who whistle, can't put this in, because I tend to whistle along with music...It keeps me sane!

Marty do you realise you're now in room 101 with all the cack due to your Jan Molby impersonation whilst abroad?? P.S. I see you were born here in Liverpool, did you live here for a while before moving, if so where?

Shug you've disappointed me just slightly with your whistling stance, but nevermind.

You must accept this one....

People from Essex/Surrey/Berkshire etc who pretend they're from London and put on a shit faux cockney accent. Especially if they then claim to support Chelsea.

In fact just chuck Damon Albarn in..

Originally posted by Hank Wiseass© > Originally posted by Shug> > > > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> > Allen, again youre right. 'Trendy' football supporters. Tony Blair pretending to like Football. What a tw*t. > > > > White people who speak like their black (in Landahn esp).> > > > C*nts with suits and briefcases who think they have a divine right to push in front of you on the tube (Landahn thing again)> > > > People who whistle>

people who speak in other peoples accents (espescially Ali G)..BANISHED people wearing suits and carrying briefcases I would have accepted..BANISHED people who whistle, can't put this in, because I tend to whistle along with music...It keeps me sane!

Marty do you realise you're now in room 101 with all the cack due to your Jan Molby impersonation whilst abroad?? P.S. I see you were born here in Liverpool, did you live here for a while before moving, if so where?

Who the feck is Jan Molby? Is that some sort of anagram? Yeah, I was born in Liverpool, lived on PENNY LANE (true!!) until I was three. Moved with my family to the Wirral (New Brighton - don't go there now unless U wanna be really depressed, it's an EX-town), stayed there for 20 years, then lived in Newcastle upon Tyne for 4 years as a stoodent, then settled here in Mongchester for the past ten or so. So yeah, I DO have NewLiverManCastleChesterPool accent which frankly defies all logic - you should hear it sometime!!

By the way, I may be here whooping it up in Amsterdam but sadly, all good things have to come to an end. In cased you hadn't noticed over the past handful of posts, I'm gradually slipping back from my happy and peaceful mode to my furious ranting-ten-to-the-dozen mode: this is because (and it will become apparent to you all later as my tally of posts tick by today)I am leaving my haven here in Amsterdam tonight to return back home to Shitsville...and the bastard endless fuckin fireworks courtsey of our monumentally shite youth population....sob sob sobb.... no!! please noooo!! I don't wanna go home!!

Jan Molby used to play for liverpool and Denmark in the Eighties and was the largest and one of the most skilfull players in world at the time. He scored the most amazing goal I've ever seen, he won the ball in his own half with a crunching challenge on Norman Whiteside,with a nonchelant drop of the shoulder went past Brian Robson on past two more challenges and scored form fully thirty yards, with an unstoppable drive in to the top left hand corner. Oh and he spoke with a funny scouse/scandanavian accent hence your inclusion in room 101.

Frasier Star Trek People who say 'It's not Rocket Science' Graham Norton Christmas Barrymore Lisa Riley City boys esp who wear suits to go out in That Bubble gimp from Big Brother Chesterfield FC southern Rugger boys from Surrey Surrey Children Pigeons

Conceptual artists,Tacky Eminem, Raquel Whitbread, Demented hearse.Quite literally rubbish.

seb, ALL rugger buggers should be banished, not just the ones from surrey, particularly groups of them on a night out...thick necks, bad dress sense, loud, arrogant, sleazy bastards. ok perhaps im generalising just a bit but in my experience theyre largely hateful cunts. Also im not keen on loud people in general...but usually its the result of too much booze, so theyre forgiven. its inherently loud people who should be banished, especially posh students, who seem incapable of getting a sentence out without saying RAAAAAAAAA!

[Content deleted by Seb Briggs on 11/8/01 10:12:05 AM EST]

Spot on VG. Any sports teams on nights out are generally a bunch of cretins mind you... Posh students..the ultimate in wankdom- they should all die along with their mummys and daddys who send them cakes through the post every week

seb, rugby teams are by far the worst...they seem to think they`ve got the right to grope every passing female.

velcro grrrl, how close was muffy's assessment of your personage?? just curious,you show me yours I'll lie about mine type of thing :D

grope every female and start on every passing male....

another nomination; girls who shop at Morgan. why pay over the odds for the same tat u get in New Look?

Originally posted by velocity girl another nomination; girls who shop at Morgan. why pay over the odds for the same tat u get in New Look?

We know your intelligent, have good taste, now pragmatism is on the list, but do you have all your own teeth?

velcro grrrl, how close was muffy's assessment of your personage?? just curious,you show me yours I'll lie about mine type of thing
muffys assessment wasnt far off the truth, i suppose, but don`t tell him that.

Originally posted by Allen Jarvis > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> > C*nts with suits and briefcases who think they have a divine right to push in front of you on the tube (Landahn thing again)

Now, now, I'm very much a regular suit wearer, working for a Merchant Bank an' all. In fact, my one main worry is that we go 'smart casual' in the office as I've spent so much wedge on me clobber. Briefcases, however, I'll agree with. They're simply for people from the suburbs who want to identify to other people in the suburbs that they're off to the (big) City to work. Snobbery in a nutshell.

I understand we all have to wear suits now and again , but it's the self importance / attitude thing of the average commuter which gets on my tits.

Originally posted by velocity girl velcro grrrl, how close was muffy's assessment of your personage?? just curious,you show me yours I'll lie about mine type of thing
muffys assessment wasnt far off the truth, i suppose, but don`t tell him that.

As promised,I'm 5'9" 250 pounds most of which is stored around my middle,slightly thin on top, age 55 I.Q. 110, Yellow jumper,checked trousers,Ping putter,etc.

As promised,I'm 5'9" 250 pounds most of which is stored around my middle,slightly thin on top, age 55 I.Q. 110, Yellow jumper,checked trousers,Ping putter,etc. i always said jimmy tarbuck look (circa 1987) would come back..hank your a fashion leader.

speaking of golf can that go in room 101 too please. please... you could at least do me this one favour after refusing to send football to its rightful resting place.

Manic Street Preachers: tried to listen to one of their records once, boring as hell. I like it when good British bands are recognized here, but NO ONE I know can stand these idiots.

how about banishing that grotesque old fossil peter stringfellows, and his mate rod stewart?

Originally posted by velocity girl how about banishing that grotesque old fossil peter stringfellows, and his mate rod stewart?

I'd go with Stringy and the Manics...especially when they're trying to be all political and stuff-cretins.

Shug, Chesterfield were nominated as Mansfield Fc's local rivals-same way as an Arsenal fan might nominate tottenham. I generally hate everyone from Surrey...they're normally stuck up rank commuter city boys with far too much money given to em by Mummy and Daddy. then they pretend they're all cockney wideboys when they are in fact a bunch of spoilt mutants.

Originally posted by velocity girl velcro grrrl, how close was muffy's assessment of your personage?? just curious,you show me yours I'll lie about mine type of thing
muffys assessment wasnt far off the truth, i suppose, but don`t tell him that.

Who needs to tell me when you're posting on this forum VG, and anyway I knew it was'nt far off, you should see me when i'm trying, SPOOKY!

Also on the subject of Surrey,my favourite chat up line for chicks from said county has never worked. Example, Me "Hello my name is Hank,pleased to meat you" young lady from Surrey "ooh is that a Scouse accent" me "No, I'm from the good ol' U.S. of A,where are you from?" ylfs "Surrey" me "no need to apologise (fnar fnar) ylfs"bye Hank" Banish Banish Banish

ok then muffy, TRY this time. whats my hairstyle and whats my starsign?

Well, Shug, now I'm back here in Shitey Blighty, how about doing something VERY courageous?

BANISH THE WHOLE OF BRITAIN INTO ROOM 101!!!!! :evil:

Why? I've just come back from Holland today - in Amsterdam, it was lashing with sleet and hail and winds and near-zero temperatures but EVERYTHING worked as normal, with absolutely NO hitches. The second I touch down here in Shitain, it's a gorgeous dry sunny day, but a bit nippy, and within ten minutes, the first word I heard was "Apologise..." uttered on the fucking station platform. See? This fucking country is fucking USELESS!! Nothing's changed - and nothing ever will. Even when it's sunny and dry, but cold, trains are disrputed "due to adverse weather conditions" And what..... Amsterdam is currently like the Algarve in comparison is it?? Get fucking real! Now they'll probably say "But...But....It's the wrong type of cold winter sun!!!" BOLLOCKS!! SHITE COUNTRY!! SHITE TRANSPORT!! SHITE EVERYTHING!!! :\puke:

Do us a favour Shug and BANISH IT TO THE DUMPER NOW!!!

Love to sleep with one of them though

little smiley face with a wicked grin

THANK YOU EVER SO MUCH SHUG! FOR BANISHING NICK CAVE!!! TOP ONE MATE! SORTED!! etc etc....

Time to celebrate as a result:

YEEEEEEEEEEEE-HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

How about 'Pot Pourri' the only time it ever smell's is when you take it out of the bag or when you're practising keepy ups and you get to 125 and the ball's just out of reach then splatt 2 hours picking the fucken shit up.

:D Ok the 5 thing's I'd like to banish to room 101 are:

1.The WHOLE! Royal family :headoff:

2.Glasgow Rangers

3.All Glasgow Rangers supporters :evil: 4.Graham Norton :\puke: 5.They've propbably been banished already,but i'm going to say Westlife anyway, just to make sure

The simple reason for my choices is the fact that I HATE them which I think is reason enough. So I don't expect to have to justify any of them. ;)

Has anyone nominated FATBOY SLIM yet? In that case allow me to. Funny how he slipped my mind all this time. What cack music he makes!! Naff, cheesy, irritating slabs of self-indulgent shite just aimed squarely at middle-class student-types (who don't really like "dance music" o-kay -yahh! ) everywhere. (You know the type. Here in Manchester we're over-run with these well-oiled, over-pampered unstreetwise sorts. ) Look at the way Thinboy Thick waves his hands in the air. Look at the way NonceBoy Slap points with his hands in the air. Look at the way Egghead Splat! raises his hands in the air. Quelle Crap!!

And his wife's an irritating self-obsessed little bint as well. She's not even good looking!! Shug, I'll be really disappointed with you if you don't take this unmusical charlatan/magpie by the ears and drop him in from 50 storeys up! I'm tellin' ya!!

Originally posted by Martin Gray Has anyone nominated FATBOY SLIM yet? In that case allow me to. Funny how he slipped my mind all this time.What cack music he makes!! Naff, cheesy, irritating slabs of self-indulgent shite just aimed squarely at middle-class student-types (who don't really like "dance music" o-kay -yahh! ) everywhere. (You know the type. Here in Manchester we're over-run with these well-oiled, over-pampered unstreetwise sorts. ) Look at the way Thinboy Thick waves his hands in the air. Look at the way NonceBoy Slap points with his hands in the air. Look at the way Egghead Splat! raises his hands in the air. Quelle Crap!!And his wife's an irritating self-obsessed little bint as well. She's not even good looking!!Shug, I'll be really disappointed with you if you don't take this unmusical charlatan/magpie by the ears and drop him in from 50 storeys up! I'm tellin' ya!!

Martin you bastard, I just waited 5 mins for this thread to unfold to write exactly what you've just put after reading that shite 'where were you?' topic. Shug, the Fatboy must be banished,along with this dire computer that I'm using to try and have a sneaky late night (well 11 o'clockish) look at d'Forum

And let's not forget those utterly shite Hawaiian shirts you already mentioned in the other thread, eh, Seb.

Altogether now: THE FATBOY MUST DIE!!

Or at least go in.....

TAKE HIM AWAY....SHUG......AND BURY HIM DEEP!!!! NOW!!!! :headoff:

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Martin Gray> Has anyone nominated FATBOY SLIM yet? In that case allow me to. Funny how he slipped my mind all this time.> What cack music he makes!! Naff, cheesy, irritating slabs of self-indulgent shite just aimed squarely at middle-class student-types (who don't really like "dance music" o-kay -yahh! ) everywhere. (You know the type. Here in Manchester we're over-run with these well-oiled, over-pampered unstreetwise sorts. ) Look at the way Thinboy Thick waves his hands in the air. Look at the way NonceBoy Slap points with his hands in the air. Look at the way Egghead Splat! raises his hands in the air. Quelle Crap!!> > And his wife's an irritating self-obsessed little bint as well. She's not even good looking!!> Shug, I'll be really disappointed with you if you don't take this unmusical charlatan/magpie by the ears and drop him in from 50 storeys up! I'm tellin' ya!!

I can't stand the Normski or his whining bint either mate. Fat-twat shite...BANISHED Skinny-useless person...BANISHED

Just for your info... When i was in Brighton one weekend with Vicious Streaker we walked past (staggered more like) Fat bastard and Smug Ballsfaces house shouting "Oi Fatboy come on then" at about 4 am.....did the trick methinks.....only the chicken shit bastard didnt come out...we could've had 'im!!!!!

Liv

Internet Service Providers that don't provide any service in connecting you to the internet. The latest Vodafone advert (the sad old trouts going to the Englebert Humperdink concert,especially the woman that goes "How are yoooo Judy??" Christ,I could smack her!!!!!!! ) People that drive powerful cars very slowly.Look,buy a flippin' Nissan Micra if going 30mph in a 60mph area is your thang.

People who are lost.BUY A FLIPPIN MAP.

Electrical/computer stores who employ utter fuckwits with over gelled hair and whose dress sense would put man at C and A to shame. You know the ones. Also ,PC World.If there's any sense in the world ,daisy cutters(those big bombs used to flatten a very flat country) should be put to more effective use to destroy this heinous vision of selling very dull , very beige boxes to extremlely dull people.

Before I go one more for the vaults. French radio disc jockeys.They talk too fast and its all in French.And I thought Steve "Lammo" Lamacq was bad.

Thankyou and goodnight.

Slow Jam

Originally posted by Liv Just for your info... When i was in Brighton one weekend with Vicious Streaker we walked past (staggered more like) Fat bastard and Smug Ballsfaces house shouting "Oi Fatboy come on then" at about 4 am.....did the trick methinks.....only the chicken shit bastard didnt come out...we could've had 'im!!!!!Liv

Liv, I think I love you even more now........truly!!! BRAVO!!!

That Vauxhall advert with Griff Rhys Jones in his beard and undies - you know the one - fucking hell, how annoying and rank is that ?? Unbelievably, it's still being shown on TV from time to time.
For fucks sake!!

Christmas Records, the whole crappy shitey wankfest in general, when record companies think of the best (worst) ways to induce mass nausea and exodus from this "fair" isle by churning out whatever rancid undercooked moronic lowest common denominator toss they think they can get away with in order to secure that salubrious Number One positon - like, who gives a flying fuck anymore? Why can't they just cancel Christmas and all the fucking cack that we have to endure in the lead up to it? Like - what's more predictable: some hard-tuff-hangin'-pseudo-street-cred-but-in-reality-just-some-more-nonceycrud boy band (supply your own name here) bringing out - yep - a slushy doggyplop ballad just in time for the festering season. Or some hard-tuff-hangin'-pseudo-street-cred-but-in-reality-just-some-more-nocey-pussy girl band (supply yer own name here) bringing out - yep - a slushy doggyplop ballad just in time for the alcohol-fuelled-wife-beating season. Pah! Cop Out! NEIN DANKE!! Fuck Off!

Shug, please get rid of shite Christmas (novelty) records and spare us the humiliation of any further atrocities (we hope, against hope).

Actually, I've decided, this year will be the last Christmas I will EVER have to endure. Sometime next year, I will make good my long-threatened promise to jump off the top of a very high building to almost certain bliss. Because, really, I have almost had enough..... I can't take this life anymore. Ranting is all that keeps me sane sometimes......

1 Old People, especially ones that drive 2 Babies, esp ones who cry and shout for no fucking reason 3 The Daily Mail, for its shite outdated crap for people who think they're more important than they are 4 Dominic Mohan from the Sun 5 Slough 6 Coronation Street 7 Those hard plastic footballs that you had at school with little pimples all over them. Nothing has ever come close to the pain felt of one of those smacking your thigh in sub-zero conditions

Do you mean like the 'Wembley Trophy'. I think they were originally made of different composite.As I recall they originally bent the right way if you tried to bend a shot(unlike light 'fly-away' 99p balls) but later they started to move all over the place in the air.

I do remember the Wembley Trophy's - they weren't too bad. But no, these were made by Mitre if I remember rightly. They had absolutely no give in them at all and in the unfortunate event of toe-poking the ball, generally left you hopping around holding your throbbing digits

Originally posted by Seb Briggs I do remember the Wembley Trophy's - they weren't too bad. But no, these were made by Mitre if I remember rightly. They had absolutely no give in them at all and in the unfortunate event of toe-poking the ball, generally left you hopping around holding your throbbing digits

I thought it was Stuart Sturridge ?

Shug, as regards Slough, its a vile little town between Reading and London. Basically its the town that much of Ali G is based around along with Staines. It's got 1 nightclub, which shut at 2 after playing dire pop music. On leaving the club there was always about 3 riot vans waiting outside. Its the only place that I've ever been shit scared to walk around after dark.

I've got some more as well

Sleet-not even good enough to be snow Tinsel Jim Carrey Kylie Geri H, no in fact all the Spice bints Richard Blackwood-what a complete wanker this man is...He says nothing funny but laughs loudly and says 'Whos the man' over everything. New Will Smith....don't think so ,knob-jockey

Do you know something, this is fucking unbelievable - like I said earlier about wanting to just get the hell out of this twisted fucked-up country: as I 'm posting tonight kid are STILL setting off fireworks in the near distance in this fucking damn god-forsaken twat-filled (except moi) neighbourhood. Can you BELIEVE that? Two fucking weeks later - and they're still going on. Fucking brainless fucking morons the lot of them. What kind of kick can they POSSIBLY get out of this? It's fucking freezing as well these past few days - and here in this shit fucking wanker-strwen neighbourhood gangs of shitty-arsed rancid-weasel-faced motherfuckers are hanging out in the streets at all times of the night in large noisy screaming gangs just to piss neurotics like me right off! Fuck, I need several kilos of explosive and some horrible containable virus just so I can get out there and blast it at them fucking festering knob-end excuses for human beings until their fucking heads shrivel back down into their crabby fucking arses.

Please, Shug, Do us a big favour for kids who insist of setting off fireworks three weeks after fucking Bonfire night has passed and all the way to Xmas - shove the biggest most explosively destructive firework you can get hold of up their collectivescrawny fucking arses and blast them in little bloody bone-splintered, steaming gore-splattered pieces to hell, now!! I beg of you! Honestly, if this carries on, you'll all see me in the World Headlines next: Crazed Axe Murderer At The End Of His Tether Sets Loads Of Kids On Fire In A Relentless Orgy Of Murder And Gratuitous Violence. Or something. DAMN THEM ALL!!! OFF THIS EARTH!! WISH EBOLA ON EVERY LAST ONE OF THE BASTARDS!!!!

Think of that horrible climax in the film Hellraiser - That's the kind of fate I wish with every ounce of my being to bestow on all these utterly loathsome useless no-gooder over-breeding motherfucking specimens that overrun and blight our country to the point of no redemption. THROW THEM ALL IN THE FIRE, NOW!!! AND LET 'EM BURN!!!! BURN!!! BURN!!!!!!!

shug, will u banish O.A.P. sex scenes? the pat and frank having a dingdong scenes in eastenders were more than i can bear...

People who say shite cliches like 'lovely weather...for ducks', 'Cheer up...It might never happen' and 'Lifes a bitch...and then you die' as if these have never been heard or said before Frost Last of the summer wine PInk Floyd People who say 'Chill' a lot People who say 'I'm so mad / crazy / wacky'. they're not, they're generally the most boring tossers around Donna Air Any apparently funny song which is 'set to the tune of I will Survive' Chain emails People who spend all day text messaging someone - why not just fuckin phone them? Sting - a house'mate' of mine, who is a gimp, made me sit through the Parkinson interview- this man must be the most pretentious wanker ever to set foot on the planet

On the subject of OAP's just read this from RÖYKSOPP "If the album should be compared to anything,it's to the way old people have sex. I suppose we're trying to achieve a sound unlike any other,like maybe the sound of an exploding horse"

Make a bit of a mess of your recording device.

Have you also banished those twatty shaven-headed boy-racers you get everywhere who use their pathetic dick-extension of a flashy car to wazz down every frigging otherwise quiet side street at 110 miles an hour blaring the same shite plebby cretinous "Thump Thump Thump Thump" shite that they all have such a propensity for ad bloody nauseaum. God, I just wanna sprinkle loads of fucking traps and lethal tacks all o along their way so they can blow their fuckin' tyres and wait at the corner of a junction ready to lob a petrol-bomb attached to a paving slab straight through the windscreen just so they can get the message at how much they piss me off. Day in Day out - you'll love this neighbourhood pal.

(one good way to keep these fuckers in check is to ram an old sugar-solution-soaked potato right up into the exhaust pipe - that should sort the wankers out. Imagine their shock when their car starts filling with carbon monoxide......slurp slurp slurp......)

Oh yeah - almost forgot to add - they also have this godalmighty annoying habit of revving their cars as they pass and turn corners with their handbrakes, as if to tell everyone how hard and macho the twats are. Go on! Firebomb the lot of them and reduce their fucking vehicles into smoking twisted mangled wreckages strewn with their own severed limbs, entrails and organs wrapped around the metalwork and shattered glass. Hmmmm nice......

As usual Martin, Im gonna agree with you on that. An addition to this surely is the little shits-generally aged between 14-19 who hang around near the local off-licence / 7-11, and then stare at you while you go in, and look at you up and down to try and intimidate you. Fucking lowlife.

Originally posted by Martin&nbspGray Have you also banished those twatty shaven-headed boy-racers you get everywhere who use their pathetic dick-extension of a flashy car to wazz down every frigging otherwise quiet side street at 110 miles an hour blaring the same shite plebby cretinous "Thump Thump Thump Thump" shite that they all have such a propensity for ad bloody nauseaum. God, I just wanna sprinkle loads of fucking traps and lethal tacks all o along their way so they can blow their fuckin' tyres and wait at the corner of a junction ready to lob a petrol-bomb attached to a paving slab straight through the windscreen just so they can get the message at how much they piss me off.Day in Day out - you'll love this neighbourhood pal. (one good way to keep these fuckers in check is to ram an old sugar-solution-soaked potato right up into the exhaust pipe - that should sort the wankers out. Imagine their shock when their car starts filling with carbon monoxide......slurp slurp slurp......)

To every problem there's a solution. Well not to all of them, but you seem to come up with some good'uns. :evil:

And all those biker-wankers should go their fate too. Is there any biker in the world that has even once thought of following some traffic rules?

Originally posted by Seb Briggs As usual Martin, Im gonna agree with you on that. An addition to this surely is the little shits-generally aged between 14-19 who hang around near the local off-licence / 7-11, and then stare at you while you go in, and look at you up and down to try and intimidate you. Fucking lowlife.

That'll be the kids i teach then.... Try having a classroom full of the fucking bastards. Jeez, i hate my job...

Liv

only coz they won't let you knock about with 'em Liv ;)

Originally posted by Liv > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> As usual Martin, Im gonna agree with you on that. An addition to this surely is the little shits-generally aged between 14-19 who hang around near the local off-licence / 7-11, and then stare at you while you go in, and look at you up and down to try and intimidate you. Fucking lowlife.

That'll be the kids i teach then.... Try having a classroom full of the fucking bastards. Jeez, i hate my job...

Liv

That's a shame Liv - but I though you said some of the kids you taught were pretty cool. I'm sure some are, cause I do believe that there ARE a lot of decent teens as well as all the inbred scum you see all over the place. The good kid are usually conspicuous by their absence cos they're usually doing something creative and constructive with their time - like the web, making music or even, gasp, listening to wonderful New Order records amongst others. And any way I'm not dissing ALL young people per se - just the growing minority who, as we all seen, just hang round the streets with their pathetic "ALL ATTITUDE BUT NO FUCKING PERSONALITY" front, who all seem to dress in EXACTLY the same way [ this is a clever conspiracy on their part - it means that you can't pick one out from the other should they do something to piss you off - devious eh? - and yes, you really can't tell them apart these days. And some of the girls that hang round with them - if you cancall them girls - they must harbour so much self-loathing that they choose to look like dogs - or lads even, just by the nature of how they have their hair or what trackie bottoms and trainers they wear - common as fuck the lot of 'em! those irritatingly smug piched weasel-features on all of them. God, you wanna swing a huge spade into 'em don't you? I know I do!!

And Seb is SO right about the off licence thing - here they mug you as you come out and take the stuff off you. Take a flamethrower with you - or do what I DEARLY wish I could do - smuggle an inconspicuous container full of paraffin with you - then, when you encounter them, just say nothing and throw the stuff at them, before beating a hasty retreat - the fact that most of 'em will be smoking means......yup, you guessed......THE OLD JOKE ABOUT MAKING CRABBY OBNOXIOUS TEENS GO "WHOOOF!" like the bloody fetid stinking dogs that they are. OOps, I think i've excelled myself here....sorry folks.....emotions running high as per usual......! :evil:

Originally posted by Seb Briggs only coz they won't let you knock about with 'em Liv ;)

cheeky

Liv

Martin,

you are sounding like an old tory !!!

;)

shug could u please banish fucking shit as parties; full of fucking insolent scallies, their grotesque christina aguilera lookalike girlfriends, with rubbish music and insufficient booze supplies to dull the agony. and in particular could u banish so-called mates who say things like "you`re soooo bloody boring" in order to fucking coerce u to go to such fucking crap events...

So Shug, Are they any good The Lighthouse Family and what kind of music do they play?

your arguments have become more like Rants..which always cheers me upAnnoying friends & their shite parties...BANISHED

i really love a good rant. actually shug, last night i was totally inscensed, because id just spent £25 getting home from a particularly awful party, where id been abandoned on arrival by my friend, who was on the pull, and left to fend for myself among a group of lowlife wannabe paramilitary scum...it was fucking horrible.

I've finally come up with a contribution to room101. In fact , it is a whole buch of people. All the assholes waving with their tickets last night in Cologne, it was their way of trying to tell Arthur Baker to clear the stage. Fuck all of you, that's what i say. And please , deep down in the basement of room 101!:headoff:

I've finally come up with a contribution to room101. In fact , it is a whole buch of people. All the assholes waving with their tickets last night in Cologne, it was their way of trying to tell Arthur Baker to clear the stage. Fuck all of you, that's what i say. And please , deep down in the basement of room 101!:headoff:

Banish the following:

1 Right wing parties (that's why I love the opposite like Ken Livingstone, DAmon Albarn, the unpolitical New Order and dancing ) 2 Hatred 3 My misintrepetations 4 Loneliness 5 Winter

And (6 Money (cos i always lose money, when it comes to competitions) 7 Irrationality)

Originally posted by Niel Johnstone Martin,you are sounding like an old tory !!!;)

And old tory?? Tell me this Niel - how can I sound like an old "Tory" when it is all very clear to anyone that , thanks to the Fucking Tories, we're now left with a society that doesn't give a shit about fuck all, is greedy and materialistic, and completely overrun with festering selfish fuckheads hellbent on self-destruction and destroying other people's decent lives (who, incidentally, were all spawned from the good old age of the "caring sharing" 80's Britain and the filthy legacy with which we've inherited (like our fucking shit "public "transport, social "welfare" system, "education" and national "health" debacle...).) You tell me. Know what I'm saying?

Thanks to the size of this thread, the above keeps happening on a regular basis, and it now takes over FIVE MINUTES to load up this page!! Shug, if I were you, I'd do the decent thing and..... ......CONTINUE THIS THREAD BY OPENING A NEW PAGE - "ROOM 1O1 (THE HELL CONTINUES)" - or something , just so everyone won't be left tearing their hair out waiting in drooling demented anticipation for this frigging thread to unravel......

You know it makes sense.

And remember - twice the size: DOUBLE THE SADISM!!!! :)

I take it you don't lioke maggie then ?

:D ........light the blue touch paper, stand back and enjoy

Originally posted by Niel Johnstone I take it you don't lioke maggie then ?:D........light the blue touch paper, stand back and enjoy

To paraphrase a bunch of old Mancunians, 10cc:

"I DON'T LIKE MAGGIE.....(orhh norrr!!)....I LOVE HER!!!!!....(orhh yeahh!)"