Originally posted by Shug YOU KNOW THE RULES!!Hurry up Marty! This is the last fucking Room 101, it's just taken me over an hour to compile what's in the fucking thingGo Mad........

Do you mean that I spent all that time killing you and even mourning for nothing?

How about you banish colds? I'm sick and trying to study. And I think my brains came loose with that last sneeze. I guess it's better to be sick and studying than wasting perfectly good time off.

You can banish paying for maid service too. My place is a pig sty.

inscense sticks; they fucking reek.

Don't banish maid service! I wanted you to banish payment for the service. You limeys are socialists, could you work cleaning into the deal?

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Iain Curtis> Don't banish maid service! I wanted you to banish payment for the service. You limeys are socialists, could you work cleaning into the deal?

Sorry dude, but once it's in there it ain't coming back! Paying for Cleaning and having to clean yerself...BANISHED I apologise again and such a schoolboy error will not happen again - blame it on a few beers.

Thank you, kind sir. Have a beer or two for me, if you don't mind. I have to run to school to print some crap out so post something interesting and/or funny by the time I get back. I'm running out of time in which to procrastinate!!

ive not been following the room 101 activity quite as religiously as i once was so not sure if this lot have been nominated. anyway to the point, its Kappa slappas, belfast is absolutely teeming with them and they are totally VILE. most of them are fucking dog ugly, ridiculously heavy handed with their make up and hair gel, and wear the most hidious clothes. i cant believe any woman would choose of their own free will to look like that. oh and i`ve never met an even vaquely pleasant one. banish the bitches!

Originally posted by Shug I've got another few beers handy, cheers mate - Is it true all American students smell of Cheesy puffs? Discuss.

Don't you mean cheesy poofs? I hate the damn things but perhaps I have a certain scent that I don't notice. Good thing we can't download smells, I guess. What time is it there in the motherland anyway?

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Iain Curtis> > > > Originally posted by Shug> > I've got another few beers handy, cheers mate - Is it true all American students smell of Cheesy puffs? Discuss. >

Don't you mean cheesy poofs? I hate the damn things but perhaps I have a certain scent that I don't notice. Good thing we can't download smells, I guess. What time is it there in the motherland anyway?

25 past 1 in the morning mate, don't worry I'm used to the nightshift - I work 2-10 Mon - Thurs, 10am - 6pm on a Friday - so I'm used to getting a kip about 4 in the morning, also when you've had several beers it makes this place an even better laugh - I would be out normally - but trying to save money for Xmas fucking shopping next week As for the cheesy poofs - Cartman translates funny

that's so sweey, Shug. I didn't think to get you anything. It's about half past eight here. But you probably know that because I think the website gives eastern time.

what do you do those late hours? i used to work with retarded and disabled kids at facility where they lived and had to do midnights every so often. That'll fuck up your schedule.

OOOOOOOOOOOH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

NOT THE LAST ONE!!!!!

BANISH THIS THOUGHT!!!

Originally posted by Shug I work with retards as well mate, only kidding, I work in a deadend job in a Factory mate - can't be arsed going back to college - I was there 3 years - and I fucking hated it, all my mates were out on the piss constantly, I never had a fucking penny! so I had to rely on mates taking me out - the idea was to take a year off - earn some money and go back, but I was getting paid too well and pissing all the money up a wall, as I say too lazy to go back, if I did go back I would have to do another 3 years to become a Sports Teacher...hope that's cleared things up for youBasically I'm a lazy bastard and enjoy alcohol

I wasn't too excited about school either. It took me six years and two schools to finish my undergraduate. I then worked for about two and a half years and came back to school for a master's this fall. I don't like school much either but the alternatives suck. And, I figure with the more school I do the greater freedom I'll have to do what I want and more choices. I hate the classes though. The only thing that is keeping me going is my thesis, which wasn't my idea but still kind of interesting. It's hard going back after working, school is so different from the "real world".

By the by, I just finished that great quiz I was talking about last night. Disappointed that I din't get any takers but I guess I win the prize, a romantic dinner and evening out on the town. I wonder where I'll take myself. I just hope I don't get myself too drunk and take advantage of myself!

To keep in thread topic, let's banish. . .

PAX, which is the religious T.V. station here and the channel that comes in best on my cable free T.V. No offense to anyone but I hate the religious fanatics with too much make-up, greasy hair, and prostitutes waiting off cmaera for after the show.
Let's also banish dirt and dust, I don't feel like taking a shower or shaving today. And, as stated last night, my place is a pig sty.

Iain

ok self loathing time..i hate the fact that i`m unable to write in perfectly straight lines on unlined paper, sounds really trivial but i get jealous when other people can, especially when they have beautiful, consistent, neat handwriting. bastards. please banish such people.

shug, how could u do that to people less fortunate than yourself? crap handwritting is a cruel affliction, not that i suffer from it of course, i`m just a perfectionist.

correction - HANDWRITING

now, now that would just be absurd; what i was doing was correcting a spelling mistake from my previous post..

Originally posted by velocity girl inscense sticks; they fucking reek.

Good incense stick don't reek...believe me I got some from the mrs. the other day, and they were so artifical I got a sore throat from it...cough cough cough aaahhemm

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by velocity girl> inscense sticks; they fucking reek.

Can't argue with that VG...although I do have a funny story...at a party when I was about 15 - one of my pals tried to get High by smoking one of the fuckers - stupid bastard was sick everywhere

The only thing I could say about that is one of my favorite sayings... desperate people do desperate things

Originally posted by Shug Jim, in my pals defence..we were only 14 or 15 at the time...and there's always 1 mad bastard that will try anything

Your right Shug, I guess that would be good for older responsible adults, cause i can remember doing some doofy things, but smoking incense...that's a new one

has maths been banished? please please banish it cos i'll be 100 before i finish one of the 5 pieces of homework i have to do by tomorrow if i want to stay alive.

Right Shug, you BASTARD, seeing as you've asked me again, get yer greasy kissing gear around this lot and blow me sideways and RODGER MY FUCKING BLEEDING PILES WITH A RUSTY SECOND-HAND KEBAB SKEWER if you fail to banish the whole fucking lot ON MY REQUEST into the hallowed portals and therefore show yerself up to be the lightweight closet coward that you really are.......

....so here goes, Shugboy:

1. MEN WHO WHISTLE TUNELESSLY FOR NO REAL REASON AT ALL EXCEPT TO JUST ANNOY THE FUCK OUT OF ME - I decked one guy in a shopping queue last week because I was in a foul mood as it was listening to all that tenth rate Xmas shite pouring from the speakers just to get us all in the mood.
2. PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR TIME GETTING OFF FUCKING BUSES AND FUCKING TRAINS
3. ARRIVA TRAINS NORTHERN - EVERY BASTARD WHO WORKS FOR THEM
4. RAILTRACK SHAREHOLDERS - You lost it all, So fucking what? Big Deal! You deserve it! Get Over it! Or fuck Off!
5. CHRISTMAS RECORDS
6. CHRISTMAS CASH-IN GREATEST HITS PACKAGES
7. MANCHESTER UNITED
8. FOOTBALL-RELATED THREADS ON NEW ORDER ONLINE - FUCK THEM ALL!
9. DWARVES
10. TALL PEOPLE WHO SMELL OF DOG PISS
11. FAT PEOPLE WHO SMELL OF DOG PISS
12. PREGNANT WOMEN WHO SMELL OF DOG PISS
13. PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN STOCKPORT (EXCEPTING MYSELF OF COURSE)
14. THICK MANCUNIAN ACCENTS
15. THICH SCOUSE ACCENTS
16. SCOUSE SCALLY FUCKERS WHO TERRORISE PEOPLE ON THE FUCKING TRAINS
17. WOMEN WHO WEAR TOO MUCH PUNGENT PERFUME - MAKE ME SNEEZE SO HARD A HUGE GLOB OF SNOT AND PHLEGM WILL FIND ITSELF EMBEDDED ON THEIR SHOULDERS -
18. MEN WHO WEAR TOO MUCH AFTER SHAVE - THEY'RE WORSE THAN WOMEN - ANYWAY, AFTERSHAVE'S FOR PUFFS!
19. CUNTS WHO SMASH UP BUS SHELTERS AND OTHER AMENITIES - BRAINDEAD COCKCHEESE
20. CHRISTMAS OFFICE PARTIES - HOW MANY MORE PROVERBIAL PHOTOCOPIES OF UNSIGHTLY BRITISH FUCKING ARSES MUST WE PUT UP WITH BEFORE THE END OF CIVILIZATION? THE WHOLE FUCKING RITUAL IS A SHAM AND IS ONLY PRACTICED BY THE SERIOUSLY SUBNORMAL AND NEANDERTHAL - SEEING AS MOST OF THE POPULATION OF THE UK IS COMPRISED OF SUCH PEOPLE, THAT'S HARDLY A SURPRISE. 21)PISS HEADS WHO HAVE NOTHING INTERSETING TO SAY JUST CUZ THEY'RE PISSED - YAWWWWNNNNN.
21. FOOT BALL YOBS ON TRAINS - WANKERS. PUT THEM ALL IN A TWENTY COACH TRAIN AND RUN IT AT 90 MPH OFF SOME CRACKED RAILS OFF A 130 FOOT VIADUCT.
22. TEENAGERS WHO WEAR TOO MUCH AFTER DESIGNER SHAVE - RANCID STINKY TOSSERS
23. PRE-TEENS WHO WEAR TOO MUCH DESIGNER AFTERSHAVE
24. JUNIORS WHO WEAR TOO MUCH DESIGNER AFTERSHAVE
25. INFANTS WHO WEAR TOO MUCH DESIGNER AFTERSHAVE
26. MOTHERS WHO SMACK CHILDREN IN PUBLIC KNOWING FULL FUCKING WELL THEY'LL BAWL EVEN LOUDER THAN THEY ALREADY ARE, THUS GIVING US EVEN MORE OF A FUCKING EARACHE
27. NU-METAL KIDS ALL DRESSED UP LIKE SACKS OF SHIT
28. LIMP BIZKIT FANS
29. LIMB BIZKIT
30. FRED DURST - UBER TOSSER. ISN'T HE A BIT OLD TO BE WEARING HIS FUCKING BASEBALL CAP BACKWARDS??
31. REG HOLDSWORTH (KEN MORLEY) AND THAT FUCKING ANNOYING DOUBLE-GLAZING ADVERT HE STILL HAS ON TV - HAVEN'T THEY SHOT THE FROG-EYED UNFUNNY FUCKER YET?? BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD! HE SEEMS TO GLORIFY HIMSELF IN THIS ROLE AS THE FORMER TEDIOUS OLD CLUELESS FUCKWIT OFF CORRIE - I PRESUME HE GETS PAID BY THE WORD (WELL I FUCKING WELL DON'T- AND I'M KEYING THIS IN THRU GRITTED TEETH AS A RESULT) WHICH IS WHY HE RABBITS ON IN HIS USUAL WANKY IRRITATING WAY CRAMMING IN TWENTY THOUSAND WORDS IN THE MINUTE HE HAS ON AIR EACH TIME HE DOES AN AD. FUCKWIT!!
32. REG HOLDSWORTH - JUST TO RAM THE POINT HOME A SECOND TIME
33. PEOPLE WHO LIKE PHIL COLLINS RECORDS AND HAVE THE SHEER NERVE TO MENTION THIS FACT ON THIS MESSAGE BOARD.
34. MATT BELLAMY OF MUSE - FUCKING EDWARD SCISSORHANDS DOES FREDDY MERCURY MORE LIKE.
35. MARIAH CAREY - FUCKING CATERWAULING BITCH. THANKS TO HER ALL THOSE FEMALE TOSSERS ON "POP IDOL" ALL SING EXACTLY LIKE HER - LIKE - "WHY SING ONE NOTE WHEN THIRTY WILL DO??" FUCKERS!! CACK!!!
36. DELIA SMITH - FUCK ME, "TO DO A DELIA" - MAYBE THE OXFORD DICTIONARY SHOULD CONSIDER REPRINTING THEIR VOLUMES TO SAY INSTEAD: "DEFINITION: TO TALK AND ACT IN A PONTIFICATING WAY LIKE SOME INCREDIBLY IRRITATINGLY PRETENTIOUS GORMLESS UPPER CLASS TWAT - WITH CHEESE STUCK IN HER FILLINGS"
37. CHRISTMAS TV SCHEDULES - YAWN - MORE DAVID JASON AND ONLY FOOLS AND HORSESHIT - OH YIPPEE.
38. THE TOP 40 CHARTS
39. MARK GOODIER'S FUCKING IRRITATING VOICE ( AS HEARD ON NEARLY EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TV AD FOR NOW COMPILATIONS, DANCE COMPILATIONS, TRANCE COMPILATIONS...ETC...)
40. KARAOKE SINGERS AND PUBS
41. KARAOKE SINGERS WHO CAN'T EVEN SING
42. FILTHY PUBLIC TOILETS. IS THIS A PROBLEM UNIQUE TO THIS SHITHOLE OF A COUNTRY OF OURS? EVEN THE AMSTERDAM PISSOIRS LOOK POSITIVELY FIVE STAR COMPARED TO THESE WE HAVE HERE.
43. OUR CONGESTED ROADS
44. OUR HOPELESS POSTAL SERVICE - CONSIGNIA?? THE SHIT HIT THE FAN AGES AGO. WHY WASTE ALL THAT MONEY TRYING TO ICE THE TURD SO TO SPEAK, HUH? (ANYWAY, MOST OF THE FUCKING POSTMEN IN MY SHITTY NEIGHBOURHOOD ARE CROOKS ANYWAY - MAKE SHAUN RYDER'S FORMER JOB AS LIKEWISE SEEM LIKE A PROPER ANGEL IN COMPARISON)
45. MY TWATTY D-I-Y OBSESSED NEIGHBOURS NEXT DOOR - TWO YEARS ON AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO REDO THEIR SECOND BEDROOM FOR THE THIRD TIME - TOO MANY OF THESE CHANGING ROOMS PROGRAMMES GONE COMPLETELY TO THEIR FUCKING HEADS. GOOD NEWS AS OF LATELY - BOTH OF THEM SEEM TO HAVE GONE DOWN WITH THE FLU - I CAN HEAR THEM SPLUTTERING THRU THE PAPER THINWALLS. LET'S HOPE THEY BOTH COP IT SOON THEN. :evil:
46. SMALL YAPPY TERRIER DOGS - FUCKING GOOD ONLY FOR ONE THING - KICKING INTO ORBIT!
47. BRITISH TELECOM FOR CHARGING AN ARM AND A LEG FOR EVERYTHING THEY DO.
48. A.O.L FOR PISSING ME ABOUT LATELY - THEIR MONTHLY FREE TRIAL IS A CLEVER RUSE JUST TO GET YOU TO SIGN ON AS A SUBSCRIBER. HERE'S HOW IT WORKS - THE FIRST MONTH IS GREAT - ALL HITCH FREE CONNECTIONS AND IDAL-UPS - THE PROBLEMS ALL START AS SOON AS YOU FINISH YOUR FREE TRIAL AND SIGN UP BY PARTING WITH YOUR CASH - CLEVER MANIPULATION OF GULLIBLE CUSTOMERS OR WHAT EH? WHO ELSE THINKS THE SAME AS ME? CRAFTY FUCKERS. THANKS ALSO TO THEM I FIND IT HARD TO LOG ON AS MUCH AS I LIKE OTHERWISE - MORE HASSLE THAN ITS WORTH SOMETIMES.
49. HIPPIES
50. PEOPLE WHO HAVE AN IMPOSSIBLY OPTIMISTIC OUTLOOK ON LIFE IN GENERAL - THEY NEED SHAKING BY THE SCRUFF OF THEIR NECK UNTIL THEIR TEETH FALL OUT - THEN THEY'LL SEE WHAT REALITY IS ALL A-FUCKING-BOUT
51. ONLOOKERS WHO DON'T RUSH TO HELP WHEN SOMEONE IN THE STREET IS BEING EITHER ATTACKED, OR FALLEN, OR HAD AN ACCIDENT, ETC.... WHY? GREAT BRITISH SPIRIT MY FUCKING ARSE!!!
52. RUBBERNECKERS WHO SLOW DOWN ON MOTORWAYS WHEN AT THE SCENE OF AN ACCIDENT
53. THESE FUCKING ENDLESS SHIT DOCU-SOAPS ABOUT JUVENILE OFFENDERS, TEARWAYS, JOYRIDERS, AND SPEEDY CAR CHASES, LADS ON THE PISS, SLAGS ON THE PISS, ALL OTHER MANNER OF BRITS DISGRACING THEMSELVES ALL OVER THE PLACE AT EVERY AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY, BLAH BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH - WHERE WILL IT ALL END? ISN'T LIFE DEPRESSING ENOUGH WITHOUT SWITCHING ON THE TELLY AND SEEING THESE FUCKING INBRED CUNT'S WEASELLY FEATURES SMARMING BACK AT YOU FROM THE SCREEN....MAKES ME FUCKING SICK TO THE BACK TEETH :\puke: :\puke: WHY ARE THESE TV PRODUCERS FOREVER GLORIFYING IN THE UTTER DESPERATE UNMITIGATING SHITENESS OF (BRITISH) LIFE BY CONTINUALLY FOISTING ALL THIS TENTH-RATE LOWEST COMMON DENOMINATOR SUB-NORMAL CACK ON US AT EVERY AVAILABLE OPPORTUNITY- IF YOU INSIST ON DOING THIS, MAYBE I SHOULD REFUSE TO PAY THAT EXTORTIONATE INSULT THEY CALL A TV LICENCE THEN - AND YOU SHOULD ALL DO LIKEWISE, FUCKERS!
54. SHITE 'CONFRONTATIONAL" BANDWAGGON JUMPING "QUIZ"/"GAME" SHOWS - SUCH AS THE LATEST KILROY SILK ABOMINATION "SHAFTED" - AS IF FURTHER PROOF WAS NEEDED OF THE RELENTLESS DUMBING DOWN OF BRITISH TV - "SHAFTED"?? THERE WILL DEFINITELY BE A PROGRAMME CALLED "YOU FUCKING LOSERS" NEXT, HOW ABOUT A DOCUSOAP CALLED "SCRAPING THE BARREL" - ABOUT LIFE AS A BARMAID - NEXT? OR SOMETHING ABOUT THREE ETHNIC TOILET CLEANERS? ("FLUSHED WITH SUCCESS") FUCKING HELL! THERE IS NO HOPE FOR US AT ALL ......
55. PEOPLE WHO REMIX NEW ORDER SONGS
56. PEOPLE WHO GO ON ABOUT HOW GREAT SHIT NEW ORDER REMIXES ARE
57. PEOPLE WHO STILL LISTEN TO HARD HOUSE AND TRANCE MUSIC
58. PEOPLE WHO ( IRONICALLY - THAT'S THE KEY WORD HERE, AS I MYSELF AM A KID WHO GREW UP WITH SOME TRULY GREAT 70'S STUFF) STILL LIKE 70'S MUSIC AND ABBA/BEE GEES/GREASE/DISCO PASTICHES
59. THE TOP 100 BEST WANKSTAINS EVER TV PROGRAMMES
60. I LOVE 2000 ANYBODY?
61. THE NME AND THE TWATS WHO WRITE FOR IT
62. PEOPLE WHO SAY TO ME: "OH CHEER UP IT'S CHRISTMAS! " THAT'S PRECISELY WHY I'M SO PISSED OFF!! GRRR! THEY NEED THEIR EYEBALLS GOUGING OUT AND SHOVED DOWN THEIR THROATS FOR THAT!!!!!
63. SUPERMARKET'S SHELF STACKERS WHO KEEP MOVING THEIR PRODUCTS AROUNF ON A REGULAR BASIS - IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER - IT'S IRRITATING AS FUCK!!
64. THE EXTORTIONATE PRICES OF CLOTHING, TOILETRIES AND CDS IN BRITAIN - FUCKING RIP - OFFS! £30 FOR A T-SHIRT? FUCK OFF!! £13.99 CD A BARGAIN? I REFUSE TO PAY ANY MORE THAN A TENNER FOR ANY CD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH....NOW STUFF OFF!
65. PEOPLE WHO DELIBERATELY IGNORE NO SMOKING SIGNS IN ANY PUBLIC PLACE - YOU CONTEMPTUOUS LITTLE TWATS - HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I DRANK A PINT OF BEER AND THEN PROCEEDED TO PISS THE CONTENTS OF IT BACK INTO YOUR FACE? CUZ THAT'S WHAT SMOKING'S LIKE, WHERE IT ISN'T ALLOWED. HAVE SOME FUCKING RESPECT.
66. PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO FUCKING RESPECT.
67. PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO FART PROPERLY
68. PEOPLE WHO WEAR WACKY TIES IN THE OFFICE
69. PEOPLE WHO DO STUPID" WACKY WACKY OOH SO WACK-EE" THINGS FOR CHARIDEE- LIKE SAHVING THEIR HAIR/EYEBROWS OFF OR WANKING OFF IN A BATH FULL OF BAKED BEANS AND TERRAPINS. LOOK - HOWS ABOUT DOING SOMETHING ORIGINAL FOR A CHANGE - LIKE CUTTING YOUR OWN HEAD OFF.? SUITS ME.
70. PEOPLE WHO CASH IN ON SUCDDENLY DECEASED POP STARTS BY BRINGING OUT HASTILY- PACKAGED SHODDILY-MARKETED BEST-OF COLLECTIONS THAT ARE THE EPITOME OF VULTUROUS BAD TASTE. IT'S GEORGE'S TURN NOW - JUST WAIT FOR THEM TO FLOOD THE MARKET NOW....
71. POP STARS WHO DO CHARITY RECORDS - JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP AND DONATE THE MONEY LIKE ALL GOOD PEOPLE SHOULD - NO NEED TO MAKE A SONG AND DANCE ABOUT IT.
72. PETE TONG.
73. GRAHAM NORTON. OO-ER MISSUS, YOU TEDIOUS OLD GROLLUCK!
74. MICHAEL BARRYMORE - TIME TO PACK IT IN, MATE. YER OLD.
75. REG HOLDSWORTH (YEP - AGAIN - I HAVE TO DO THIS BECAUSE HE KEEPS POPPING UP INTO MY SUBCONSCIOUSNESS LIKE SOME FUCKING HIDEOUS UNFLUSHABLE TURD.)
76. CRAP STAND-UP COMEDIANS WHO THINK THEY CAN BE FUNNY JUST BE OVER ACTING AND GESTICULATING WILDLY ON STAGE KNOWING FULL WELL THAT PISSED UP STUDENTS WILL LAUGH AT ANYTHING - EVEN USED TAMPONS IN THEIR BREAKFAST CEREAL.
77. UPPER CRUSTED PAMPERED FRESHER STUDENTS JUST ARRIVED IN UNI AT MC'R - ESPECIALLY THOSE HERE IN MANC LAND - THEY NEED TO LEARN THE LAW OF THE STREETS HERE - CUZ, IT REALLY IS LIKE A JUNGLE OUT THERE - IF ONLY FOR THEIR OWN SAKES.
78. MIDDLE AGED FATHERS WHO WEAR HUGE WHITE TRAINERS TOTALLY AD HOC WITH THE REST OF THEIR ATTIRE.
79. BALDING MIDDLE AGED PEOPLE WHO STILL COMB THEIR HAIR OVER THE GOOSE BROW.
80. FIRE-MEN WHO STILL DO "FULL-MONTY" TAKE-OFF'S FOR CHARITY OR ANY OTHER PURPOSE. LISTEN UP, YOU DICKS - THAT FILM IS A PILE OF STEAMING CACK - DON'T EVEN THINK FOR A MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE ANYTHING WORTH EXHIBITING - AFTER ALL, YOU'RE BRITISH, AND PROUD OF IT! LEAVE THE BLATANT EXHIBITIONISM TO OUR FRIENDS ACROSS THE CHANNEL - AFTER ALL, IT'S WHAT ANTOINE DE CAUNES' "EUROTRASH" PROGRAMME WAS DESIGNED FOR. SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO EVER STRIP OFF AND REVEAL YOUR SWEATY GRUNDIES IN REALITY, THUS SPARING THE ENVIRONMENT FROM FURTHER TOXIC POLLUTION. GOT THAT?
81. ALL THESE ENDLESS TOP 100 ALBUMS EVER LISTS THAT KEEP ON COMING UP - FUCKING HELL - ALL THE SAME ARTISTS BUT JUST IN A SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT ORDER - ITS ONLY SO THEY CAN TAKE TURNS AT BEING IN THE TOP TEN - FUCKING HELL.. ENOUGH IS E-FUCKING-NOUGH.
82. ALL TOP 100 LISTS GENERALLY - WHY IS EVERYBODY SO STATISTICALLY OBSESSED OF LATE? FEAR OF IMPENDING OBSOLESCENCE PERHAPS? YOU FUCKING BET! AND MAY IT COME BLOODY DAMN SOON - SEEING AS I'M MORE THAN READY FOR IT!!
83. NOUVEAU CUISINE - JUST WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS? ONLY IF YOU HAVE AN APPETITE OF A FUCKING SPARROW. LISTEN DICKHEADS, WE GO OUT TO EAT CUZ WE WANNA GET FED! GET FULL! EAT SOMETHING HEARTY. NOT NIBBLE LIKE A MICY TWAT ON A LITTLE TWIG SOAKED IN BRANDY AND PARAFFIN. FUCK OFF!!
84. ALL DESIGNER PUBS - FUCK OFF!!
85. ALL DESIGNER CAFES - MANY A GREASY SPOON IN MANCHESTER HAS MET ITS SAD PREMATURE END IN ORDER TO MAKE WAY FOR THESE ABOMINATIONS. NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
86. ALL DESIGNER TRENDIES - MAKES ME WANNA POUR BOILING HOT TAR ALL OVER THEIR THREADS. YUCK! THE AGE OF THE YUPPIE NEVER WENT AWAY DID IT?
87. MY LOCAL SUPERMARKET FOR NOT SELLING MY FAVOURITE BRAND OF FRESH CREAM CUSTARD ANYMORE - YOU FUCKING TRAITORS!!! KILL! KILL!! KILL!!!
88. SHOPS THAT STILL SELL FIREWORKS LONG AFTER BONFIRE NIGHT (FOR THE NEW YEAR, NOW, YOU SEE). THEY NEED FIREBOMBING THEMSELVES - FUCKERS!
89. THE ROYAL FAMILY
90. THE QUEEN MOTHER - HURRY UP AND DIE YOU OLD WRINKLY GERIATRIC BITCH
91. ANGUS DEAYTON - MR FUCKING SMUG HIMSELF
92. PEOPLE WHO DESIGN THINGS THAT ARE SO FUCKING ARTY AS TO BE ILLEGIBLE - AND BELIEVE ME I'VE SEEN MANY WEBSITES AND PUBLICATIONS THAT REALLY FUCK MY EYES UP. LISTEN YOU SHIT-FOR- BRAINS-UP-YER- OWN-ARSES INCONTINENTS, JUST CUZ YOU'VE MASTERED A SPIFFING PIECE OF SOFTWARE DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE LICENSE TO MAKE US ALL VOMIT IN DISGUST AFTER TRYING TO FATHOM OUT WITH GREAT DIFFICULTY WHAT THE FUCK IT IS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SELLING US......TAKE YOUR FLASH LITTLE TOYS AND SHOVE EM UP YER FUCKING ARSE!
93. JESUS CHRIST, THIS ONES HARD WORK
94. PEOPLE WHO KNOCK ON YER DOORS AT NIGHT TRYING TO SELL YOU SHIT - ALL SORTS OF THESE ABOUT OBVIOUSLY
95. FUCKING JUNK MAIL THAT CRAMS ALL THE FREE PAPERS AND MAGAZINES YOU BUY
96. THE NATIONAL LOTTERY AND THE PATHETIC CHARADE AROUND IT ALL....PLUS......
97. THOSE INSULTING SCRATCH CARDS YOU GET IN SATURDAY NEWSPAPERS - I RIP MINE TO SHREDS THE MOMENT I LAY MY HANDS ON THEM
98. REG FUCKING HOLDSWORTH - OOPS, HE'S POPPED UP AGAIN - QUICK, SOME ONE, GET ME TIMMY MALLET SO I CAN USE HIS BIG SPECCY HEAD TO BASH THIS FUCKER BACK DOWN TO WHERE HE BELONGS.....
99. OH FUCK OFF - MY PATIENCE IS EXHAUSTED.... SHUG - SHUT THE FUCKING SHOP DOWN, I BEG OF YOU - EVEN I'VE RUN OUT OF THINGS TO DREDGE UP FROM MY SICK MEMORY......

NOW.......ROOM 101 YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK.

GOODBYE.

Breathtaking.

Oh stop being such a fucking Sheep in Wolf's clothing (sic) and sodding well get on with it! I wasn't going to do any more of these, but you did request me to go mad after all, so what the fucking hell are you now whinging about.....? Huh?

Remember Shugster - I don't even have to get pissed to get fucking angry and incoherent, unlike some people I could mention. So just WHO is being a lightweight on this front?

You didn't banish whistling fuckers last time, despite a few others sharing the view, so it's number one specifically for you to do summat about it now. And if you don't, I will set Reg Holdsworth on you. :evil:

Okay, here's the PROPER number 101:

101. BALD BASTARDS - BRITAIN, NATION OF SLAPHEADS. WHETHER THEY HAVE HAIR OR NOT, IT SEEMS EVERY MAN AND HIS DOG WANTS TO LOOK HARD AND EXHIBIT THAT GOOD OLD "EGGHEAD" LOOK. NOTHING UGLIER IF YOU ASK ME....WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD 80'S MULLETS - AT LEAST THEY WERE OFFENSIVE IN A FUNNY KIND OF WAY, BUT BONEHEADS JUST LOOK STUPID, TWATTISH AND ABOVE ALL, UGLY - QUALITIES THAT BRITAIN HAVE APLENTY AMONGST ITS FAST CULTURALLY-CONSTIPATED POPULACE. FUCKING BONEHEADS - BANISH THEM - OR FUCKING BECOME ONE YOURSELF, DOG-FUCKER!

There, happy now,"Mr Sauce"? (HP is it? ho ho ho.....)

YOU DON'T SAY........????!!!!!!?!?!?!

Anyway - take yer time Shug - I'm off t' bed now - been a fucking long day, I've got a heavy workload ahead of me tomorrow - more dog shit to smear across the neighbouring houses walls, more antisocial teenage wasters for me to gleefully to skewer through the face, more cyanide gas canisters to puncture and leave strewn in back alleys, more paraffin and matches to throw thru letterboxes.......you know, that sort of thing.

Marty's gotta do what Marty's gotta do.......

theres a hell of a lot of stuff nominated by "martian" that i could take issue with, but im really annoyed that folks who like disco and glam have been shoved into room 101 along with the cretinous things of this world. we`re obviously sad fucks for enjoying the likes of marc bolan and chic...

Martin, Glad to see you're back (maybe I'm a little frightened). I half read your room 101 posting to see if I was getting banished. But your post seemed more like a political campaign platform than Room 101 material. Are you running for public office, Parliament perhaps? But you forgot to include people who let their dogs shit on the sidewalk or on your lawn and don't clean it up. Has that been banished, Shug? Or store service people who can't count change. The other day i bought something for $3.63 and gave the woman $5.13. She asked me why 13 cents but finally figured it out on the cash register.

Congrats on the big 1000, Martin.

Back to the the dire, hopeless black hole they call studying for finals.

Fuck me nowhere much to go after Marty's rant.

Shug, Whistling has to go. I mean it -fucking has to. otherwise I invite your good self down to my 'pad' in London for a weekend so you can listen to the whistling tall gimp twat housemate who I have the good fortune of living with and listen to his inane piercing whistling of any fucking tune that comes on TV. Daddy bastard Cool by Boney M is his favourite. Ironically we took the twat to our local pub quiz and one of the questions was 'Who sung Daddy Cool' and me and my mate both laughed and said 'Go on then Jim'..the posh twat replies 'Daddy Cool...never heard of it' - what a wanker. The worst occasion is at 9am on a saturday morning, Sebby and his chums have been out raving and just catching up on a bit of kip and the whistling Spurs supporting (hope you enjoyed Thierry's last minute winner you twat) diseased piece of shit starts whistling Andrew lloyd fucking Webber directly outside my bedroom door. Mutated rotten teethed shithead that he is.

his latest outburst was this weekend when I said I grew up in Warwick - which is a fairly nice place in all honesty. Cunt features then replies 'Luckiest escape of my life not living in Warwick - I got an offer to go to the Uni there and turned it down'. Almost beat the crap out of him there and then. He then proceeded to slag it, and neighbouring Leamington off freely about how it was shit and nothing to do and the people were boring. What a fucking knob jockey. This coming from some 9ft tall posh gimp muppet who has no friends and was born in Welwyn garden City or whatever its called in Happenin' hertfordhire - then moving on to the hub of English nightlife Newton ABbot.

So shug, come down, meet this cunt, and his fat arsed boring posh bint missus, listen to his dire whistling and then try to say it doesn't deserve banishing.

bands who I've been looking forward to seeing live for ages, organising shows nicely before Christmas pulling out at just about the last minute.

Step down Faithless, you cunts

Match of the Day for not featuring the mighty Stags led by Chris 'the man' Greenacre destroy apparently superior Huddersfield 4-0 (still feel hungover from Saturday nights celebrations). Leicester next up for the best footballing side in the lower divisions.

Me, for going to a nightclub that played Hard House...and enjoying myself. What the fuck was I doing?

Originally posted by Martian Gray Right 65) SUPERMARKET'S SHELF STACKERS WHO KEEP MOVING THEIR PRODUCTS AROUNF ON A REGULAR BASIS - IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER - IT'S IRRITATING AS FUCK!!

I have to stack shelves to pay my extortionate tuition fees and we put the shit where they tell us to, its not our fault if someone decides that english mustard has to go on foreign foods!

MOTD stays. And I can't put you in...because I enjoy yer witty comments..although I will say...Hard House Nightclub...are you mad? you should be thoroughly ashamed...yer pennance is to sit in a darkened room for 3 hours, nose against a wall and have a good fucking think - of what possessed you to go to a Hard House Nightclub (and enjoying yerself) if the answer is Drugs or Alcohol - you are forgiven...if it isn't - there's no helping you

As regards Hard House night, lots of the latter a bit of the former + some football related euphoria - but still no excuse for it. Plus I started doing some fucking dance where I pretended to be a DJ spinning records - until my lady informed me what a twat I was looking.

I'll let MOTD stay if it features the Yellows next round. Ha - looking forward to watching Akinbye already!

I tell you what, Tall gimp's going to have to watch it. Me and one of my equally offended other housemates are currently plotting evil things to do his food and anything else of his we find. he has already eaten a slice of bread which my mate wiped his arse with - there were little hairs hanging off it and everything.

A further insight into what a knob this bloke is: Every night he has a bowl of noodles - which he eats with his crappy set of chopsticks...I mean what a wanker. Those chopsticks have already been used to scrape things from under my toenail by the way. In fact Shugsy, ban Chopsticks.

Another one - we live 2 seconds walk from a shop. But this joker buys 4 loaves of the cheapest nastiest bread at a time and fills the communal freezer with them. Despite the fact he earns quite a bit of dough.

Another thing: He has a posh mate called Ollie - who is also a complete bellend.

One more: He keeps a box of wine in the fridge, from which he pours himself a single glass every night. YOU'RE A FUCKING BLOKE DRINK BEER YOU TWAT.

Sorry - I can't get over how much of a knob this bloke is - its starting to become an obsession.

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Keeper Of The Major Key> > > > Originally posted by Martian Gray> > Right 65) SUPERMARKET'S SHELF STACKERS WHO KEEP MOVING THEIR PRODUCTS AROUNF ON A REGULAR BASIS - IT'S NOT BIG AND IT'S NOT CLEVER - IT'S IRRITATING AS FUCK!!> > >

I have to stack shelves to pay my extortionate tuition fees and we put the shit where they tell us to, its not our fault if someone decides that english mustard has to go on foreign foods!

Stevie boy - did you not notice I never put you in - where's my thanks you bastard And could you have a word with yer pals to keep up the good work - just to annoy Marty

Thanks. :D

How can anyone think of killing this thread? I went on a perticularly amusing staff xmas night out on Saturday and didn't think anything would top that for a while.

Originally posted by Shug > Originally posted by Iain Curtis> Martin, > Glad to see you're back (maybe I'm a little frightened). I half read your room 101 posting to see if I was getting banished. But your post seemed more like a political campaign platform than Room 101 material. Are you running for public office, Parliament perhaps? But you forgot to include people who let their dogs shit on the sidewalk or on your lawn and don't clean it up. Has that been banished, Shug? Or store service people who can't count change. The other day i bought something for $3.63 and gave the woman $5.13. She asked me why 13 cents but finally figured it out on the cash register.> > Congrats on the big 1000, Martin.> > Back to the the dire, hopeless black hole they call studying for finals.

People who can't round up - or count....BANISHED (I blame fucking maths teachers meself - but them useless fuckers are already in here) And since I'm in a good mood - today I will be lenient with the Banishments Are you ready Iain.....FINALS...BANISHED;)

It's a little fucking late now, shithead. Unless you care to contact my teachers and tell them I don't need to show up 'cause finals have been banished. ;) Plus, my brains are starting to leak out from trying to memorize this shite.

I didn't know room 101 was T.V. Will we see it over here in the colonies or is weakest link the best you got?

Goodbye!

Hey Shug - you should take a leaf out of Marty's book and just fuck off without warning for a while - recharge your bateries and then come back with all fifty cilinders blazing - I can't believe the size of that post he just put in back there, fuckin hell,. are you sure you're up to this anymore....you seemed to be getting more pissed off by the hour - is the strain beginning to tell? and waht's the reckoning that, despite what Marty says back there.......he might just be saving a few more delights to hurl your way - just to rub it in..... frankly i can't wait to see what shit he slams in with next.....

Todd

Originally posted by Shug Marty please, please, please no fucking more - I agree with you - that's the most stupid idea I've ever had - ROOM 101 ;)

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:
OH NO YOU DON'T GET OFF SO EASILY, PAL!!!!, I'M COMING STRAIGHT BACK FOR A BIT MORE OF WHAT I FANCY - YOU DID ASK FOR IT AFTER ALL - SO I'M GONNA MAKE DAMN WELL FUCKING SURE THAT AT THE END OF IT ALL YOU WILL BE REDUCED TO A QUIVERING WIBBLING WRECK DESPERATELY PLEADING FOR US TO ALL STOP..... HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT SIR? SOFT, FAST. HARD, LOUD, SIR? SHORT, LONG, CURLY, POINTED, SIR? DIPPED IN METHYLATED SPIRIT AND SET ALIGHT FOR YOUR PLEASURE, SIR? CHASED ROUND THE BLOCK THIRTY TIMES UNTIL IT COLLAPSES FROM SHEER NERVOUS EXHAUSTION, SIR? YES? YES? YES? YES? WELL BRACE YERSELF - CUZ THERE AIN'T NO GOIN' BACK FOR YOU MY LUD....... SEE, TODD WAS RIGHT THERE.....HA!! ....DID YOU HONESTLY THINK I WAS GOING TO BACK OFF AND LEAVE IT AT THAT? - AFTER ALL YOUR HARANGUING AT ME TO GET MY ARSE INTO GEAR AND POST SOMETHING IN QUICKLY? HA.....YOU FOOL...YOU FOOL..... AND NOW, YOU MUST PAY THE PRICE FOR YOUR ARROGANCE AND FOOLISHNESS - YOU CREATED THIS MONSTER!! YOU WILL NOW HAVE TO LIVE WITH ITS ABOMINABLE PRESENCE AND STENCH FOREVER FOLLOWING YOU AROUND LIKE A BILLOWING SWARM OF FLIES..... MAKE NO MISTAKE, BOY, JUDGEMENT SHALL SOON BE PASSED, FROM ONE SMALL FATAL MISCALCULATION YOU HAVE PLANTED THE SEED THAT WILL FINALLY DETERMINE YOUR ULTIMATE SACRIFICE AND DESTRUCTION......MR SLUDDEN, YOU HAVE CREATED YOUR OWN FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER AND I HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO ETERNAL HELLISH DAMNATION FOR YOUR EVIL DEEDS.......BEND FORWARD NOW BOY......HANDS TOUCHING TOES.......THAT'S A GOOD BOY. SERVANTS!!! I HEREBY DEMAND YOU DIVEST THIS GIBBERING BUFFOON OF HIS TROUSERS..... AND PROMPTLY SUMMON FORTH THE MIGHTY KING OF SODOMY HIMSELF.....MISTER G-E-O-R-G-E M-I-C-H-A-E-L !!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:

NOW, MR SLUDDEN, IF YOU DO NOT BANISH THE FOLLOWING ARTICLES PROMPTLY INTO THE HALLOWED HELL PIT OF 1001 DAMNATIONS, I WILL SENTENCE YOU IMMEDIATELY TO SEVEN THOUSAND LASHES OF YOUR RECTAL PASSAGES FROM THE HAIRY GREEK KING OF SHUTTLE'S, COCK...... :headoff: THE CHOICE IS YOURS..... ...ON YOUR MARKS..... GET SET....... GO!!! BASTARD!!! :evil:

102. THE HOUSE OF LORDS - WHAT RIDICULOUSLY ANACHRONISTIC TOSSERS THEY ARE - DO THEY KNOW WHAT THE REAL WORLD IS AT ALL? ARE THEY REALLY ALIVE? OR JUST STUFFED SPECIMENS FROM A BYGONE AGE?
103. THE TURNER PRIZE - IS THIS JUST SOME ATTEMPT TO DELIBERATELY PISS EVERYBODY OFF AND JUST GET THEM TALKING ABOUT A PILE OF UTTER TOSH THAT HAS ABSOLUTELY NO ARTISTIC WORTH OR RELEVANCE? IF THAT IS YES, HERE'S MY TURNER PRIZE ENTRY THEN: THE RUNTFACED INBRED TWATS THAT HANG ROUND MY NEIGHBOURHOOD LIKE SO MUCH BAD ANAL GAS. I CLAIM MY £40,000 NOW - GIVE ME IT, PIGGIES!!!
104. THE LAST NIGHT OF THE PROMS - UNION JACK WAVING IS INCREDIBLY PASSE - AND SO BRITISH IT'S UNTRUE!!
105. PENIS IN FLARES (PLURAL = PENISES IN FLARES) (MY APOLOGIES TO LOU REED)
106. THE POLICE - WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY FOR ANYMORE?
107. THOSE STUPID LITTLE PIECES OF CRAP YOU GET IN CRISP BAGS - FUCKING SWINDLERS, WE DON'T WANT WORTHLESS BITS OF GREASY CELLOPHANEWRAPPED CARDBOARD, A FEW EXTRA FUCKING CRISPS WOULDN'T GO AMISS!!
108. THE COUNCIL TAX
109. TV LICENCES - FUCKING RIP OFF JUST TO BE FORCE FED SO MUCH CACK ON THE BOX - WHAT AN INSULT!!
110. NASAL HAIR
111. NOSE JOBS
112. MICHAEL JACKSON
113. AND EVERY MICHAEL JACKSON RECORD SINCE 1987
114. MOUSTACHES
115. MOUSTACHES ON WOMEN
116. THOSE PATHETIC SPIDERY NU-METAL GOATEES - OH FUCK OFF - GROW A PROPER FUCKING BEARD IF YER THAT DESPERATE TO STROKE YER CHIN
117. ARRANGED MARRIAGES - FUCKING INCREDIBLE THAT SOME CULTURES STILL INSIST ON THEM - THEY HAVE YOUR LIFE IN THEIR HANDS, THE FUCKERS, INVARIABLY PAIRING YOU UP WITH SOME PUG-UGLY GREASY SLIMEBALL WHO JUST OOZES AND HAS TERRIBLE DANDRUFF PROBLEMS AND WILL PROBABLY FLEECE YOU SKINLESS AND RUN OFF WITH ALL YOUR WORLDLY GOODS AND WHAT'S LEFT OF YER DIGNITY THE VERY DAY AFTER THE FUCKING SHAM OF THE WEDDING....PAH....!!
118. SHRINKWRAPPED FRUIT - WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF ALL THAT PACKAGING?
119. KEBABS - NOTICED NO ONE EVER EATS THESE WHEN THEY'RE SOBER? I REST MY CASE
120. PEOPLE WHO ACCOST YOU IN THE STREET TO GIVE YOU CRAP MEANINGLESS LITERATURE OT CRAZY MADCAP SERMONISING - CALLING JEHOVAH! CALLING JEHOVAH! STIPEY - COME OVER!! PUSH THE JEHOVAH!! PUSH THE JEHOVAH!! O'ER THE WHITE CLIFFS OF DOVER!! KER-SPLATT!!!
121. TONGUE /EYELID/FORESKIN PIERCING - YOU STUPID EXHIBITIONIST FUCKS! HOPE YOU DIE OF BLOOD POISONING!!
122. PEOPLE WHO WEAR LOADS OF TATTOOS - DITTO THE FATE ABOVE
123. STUBBORN SHOPPING TROLLEYS THAT DON'T FUCKING GO WHERE YOU FRIGGING WELL SHOVE EM.... 124)CREAKING FLOORS
124. COMPUTER COMPANIES WHO INSIST OF UPDATING THEIR SOFTWARE EVERY BLOODY MONTH - LOOK WE'RE NOT ALL MADE OF MONEY YOU KNOW - FUCK OFF! IT'S TAKEN US THE BEST PAST OF SIX MONTHS TO LEARN HOW TO OPEN THE BOX FOR THE COMPUTER AND THEY 'VE UPGRADED TO VERSION 500 - BASTARDS!!!!
125. PUBLIC SCHOOL BOYS - FUCKING PRETENTIOUS TOSSERS
126. LONDON CANARY WHARF - WHAT'S IT FOR?
127. THE FUCKING MILLENNIUM DOME - IT BEATS ME THAT THIS THING IS STILL STANDING - HERE'S A GOOD SUGGESTION FOR IT - WHY NOT FLIP THE FUCKING THING OVER AND CREATE A GIANT WOK SO WE CAN GLADLY STIR-FRY ALL THE USELESS CRETINOUS TOSSERS WHO INSTIGATED THIS SHOCKING WASTE OF MONEY AND EVERY OTHER SCUMBAG ALIVE IN THIS WRETCHED ISLAND TO CREATE A HUGE SUPA-JUICY SPICY'N'MEATY CASSEROLE TO FEED EVER OVERPRIVILEDGED FAT USELESS CAPITALIST PIG UP AND DOWN THE LAND??
128. RACISTS, EXTREMISTS AND THE BRITISH NATIONAL PARTY - REMEMBER FOLKS, THE ONLY GOOD NAZI IS A FUCKING DISMEMBERED DECOMPOSING ONE .
129. ARROGANT SOUTHERN BASTARDS WHO THINK THE WHOLE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEIR FAT JELLIED-EEL-OILED ARSES
130. ARROGANT NORTHERN HARD-NUT FUCKHEADS WHO ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH MONOSYLLABIC GRUNTS AND FISTS
131. HOAXERS - PEOPLE WHO THINK ITS FUNNY TO MAKE FAKE BOMB THREATS DURING A TIME OF ALREADY OVERSTRETCHED PANIC, ALARM AND ANXIETY KNOWING FULL WELL THAT EVERY SINGLE ONE WILL BE TREATED SERIOUSLY - HAVE THESE FUCKERS GOT NO CONSCIENCE? WHAT MAKES THEIR SICK MINDS TICK? BET THEY JERK OFF RABIDLY AT THE PROSPECT DON'T THEY - THE SICK LIMP-WITTED NAIL-DICKS!! DEATH TO THEM ALL!!
132. PEOPLE - USUALLY FAT BALD FOOTIE-HOOLIGAN-TYPE BLOKES (SEE 'EM ON TRAINS ALWAYS) WHO "DELIBERATELY" LET SLIP WITH "INOFFENSIVE" TOKENLY RACIST "PLEASANTRIES" AND THEN INSIST THAT THEY MEANT NO OFFENCE REALLY AND THEN PRETEND TO PAT YOU PATRONISINGLY ON THE HEAD - FUCK OFF THE LOT OF YER - YOU ARE THE CANCEROUS MALAISE THAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY SO GREAT AREN'T YOU? GET A FUCKING LIFE - OR BETTER STILL - GO HOME, BEAT YER WIFE, RAPE YER KIDS, THEN TOSS OFF WITH A ROLLED UP COPY OF LOADED WRAPPED AROUND YOUR CHEESY STRINGY KNOB BEFORE RETIRING TO BED WITH A HUGE SMUG GRIN ON YOUR LAGER-SOAKED FACE. AND I HOPE GEORGE MICHAEL OR REG HOLDSWORTH FISTS YOU GOOD AND PROPER IN YOUR SWEET LITTLE DREAMS SO THAT YOU WAKE UP SCREAMING IN A POOL OF YOUR OWN SWEAT AND PISS......AH BLISS....
133. TINNED BREAKFASTS, WITH CHIPS - HAVE YOU SEEN THIS LATEST INVENTION - ON MY FUCKING GOD - CREAMING JUDAS ON A SKATEBOARD!!! - WHAT KIND OF SUBNORMAL NEANDERTHAL WILL STOOP SO LOW AND DESPERATE AS TO WANT TO FILL THEIR GUT WITH THAT CRAP?? FUCKING HELL!
134. WHITE PEOPLE PRETENDING TO ACT BLACK - THESE ARE TRULY SAD SPECIMENS (SEE TIM WESTWOOD) - SEE ALL THOSE TWATTY STUDENTS WHO COMPLETELY MISS THE SUBTLE JOKE THAT IS ALI G (NOT THAT HE'S ANY GOOD ANYMORE, OF COURSE - JUST NOW PAST HIS LAUGH-BY DATE....HMMMPH - BUT GOOD POINT SACHA! - IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...)
135. BICYCLISTS WHO RIDE HELL FOR LEATHER ALONG PAVEMENTS WITHOUT BELLS OR LIGHTS - FUCK OFF AND GET SPLATTERED ON THE ROADS WHERE YOU BELONG
136. TWATS (USUALLY BLOKES) WHO YELL OUT OF PASSING CARS, SAFE IN THEIR COWARDICE THAT WE CAN'T HAVE A HOPE IN HELL OF CATCHING OR IDENTIFYING THEM....MAKES ME WISH I HAD TELEKINETIC POWERS THEN - AND THAT EVERY SUCH BASTARD WHO SHOULD PISS ME OFF IN SUCH A WAY CAN SUDDENLY TAKE PLEASURE IN SEEING THEIR CAR BURST SPONTANEOUSLY INTO FLAMES, SKEW OFF THE ROAD IN A 360 DEGREE SKID, AND HAVE THREE JUGGERNAUTS PLOUGH INTO IT, SENDING BITS OF BARBECUED FLESH, BONE AND SHRAPNEL FLYING THRU THE AIR AND THUS A WELL DESERVED AND EXTREMELY VIOLENT DEATH IS THE RESULT.....HO HUM..... :evil: :\puke:
137. PEOPLE WHO STATE THE OBVIOUS ON THEIR FUCKING MOBILES - "I'M ON THE TRAIN" "I'M ON THE BUS" "I'M ON THE....OH SHIT...HEY!! GIVE ME THAT BACK!!!" FUCKERS!!
138. FANNY FARTS
139. BAD SAUSAGE BREATH
140. CHRISTMAS PUDDING - YEEEEEEEUUUCCCCCCHHH! REVOLTING!!!
141. REG HOLDSWORTH - SPECCY FROG EYED TWAT, YET AGAIN....
142. BOB MONKHOUSE
143. SHIPWRECKED - THE SERIES - FUCKING OVERPAMPERED JESSIES THE LOT OF THEM - HURRY UP AND DIE FROM STARVATION!!
144. SHITFACED - THE NEXT QUIZ/PANEL GAME WITH A DIFFERENCE.
145. FINDING ALMONDS UNDER YOUR ARMPITS AFTER A PASSIONATE NIGHT OUT ON THE TOWN
146. LOOSE PAVING SLAPS THAT WE ALWAYS TRIP OVER - AND WE'RE NOT EVEN PISSED.
147. THE TRAMS HERE IN MANCHESTER - WHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD DO YOU HAVE A SO-CALLED STATE OF THE ART TRAM SYSTEM THAT, WAIT FOR IT (A) ALLOWS CARS THE RIGHT OF WAY AT JUNCTIONS, (B) HAS CRAP SEATS THAT ONCE YOU SIT DOWN YOU CAN'T GET BACK UP AGAIN (C) EXTORTIONATE FARES , (D) CRAWLS THROUGH THE CITY CENTRE AT SUCH A GERIATRIC SPEED THAT I'VE SEEN FUCKING TORTOISES OVERTAKING US ON OCCASIONS, AND , BEST OF ALL, (E) IS REGULARLY INVOLVED IN COLLISIONS WITH CARS, BUSES, LORRIES AND PEDESTRIANS - ALL OF WHOM ARE TOO FUCKING CLUELESS TO WATCH WHERE THEY'RE GOING IN THE FIRST PLACE??? WHY ...ENGLAND, OF COURSE!!!
148. THOSE ANNOYING MENUS THAT KEEP POPPING UP WHEN YOU WANT TO SURF THE INTERNET - YOU ALL KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN - FUCKING IRRITATING BASTARDS OR WHAT?? I'VE HAD TO CLOSE DOWN ABOUT THIRTY OF THE FUCKING WINDOWS AT A TIME AND IT CAUSES MY FUCKING COMPUTER TO CRASH - THIS SHOULD BE MADE PUNISHABLE BY A GRUESOME DEATH. ..... BASTARD!!!
149. NEW FAST CLEAN AUTOMATIC PUMP-ACTION.......TOOTHBRUSHES!!! WHAT THE FUCK?? ARE WE REALLY BECOMING SO FUCKING CLUELESS AND LAZY NOW THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE THE FUTURE FOR DENTAL HYGIENE? WHAT FUCKING NEXT? SMART-LEGS TO HELP US WALK WHEN WE CAN'T BE BOTHERED GETTING OFF OUR FAT ARSES? STEPS THAT COME RUNNING UP TO YOU TO LIFT YOU UPSTAIRS WITH THE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF FUSS AND EXERTION? TOILET BOWLS THAT SPRAY HOT AIR AND STEAM TO DRY YOUR ARSE OUT AFTER YOU'VE HAD A CRAP, THUS ELIMINATING THE NEED FOR BOG ROLL? ACTUALLY THAT LAST ONE SOUNDS RATHER KINKY DOESN'T IT? DOESN'T IT? ANY TAKERS FOR A PATENT??
150. I NEED SOME W.D.40 - MY WRISTS AND FINGERS ARE STARTING TO CREAK NOW.....OH, WHICH REMINDS ME...HAS ANYBODY SUGGESTED BANISHING UB40 (THE TEDIOUS REGGAE-LITE PLODDERS) YET?

OKAY SHUG - YOU HAVE 20 MINUTES TO MAKE UP YOUR MIND - WHICH IS FORTY LESS THAN IT TOOK FOR ME TO COME UP WITH THIS FUCKING LIST JUST FOR YOUR SADISTIC PLEASURE - YOU KNOW YOU LOVE IT REALLY DON'T YOU??? GO ON......LICK THE FLOOR! NOW!

SEE YOU IN THE PADDED CELL - GIBBERFUCK!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

HE WHO LIVES BY THE SWORD - DIES BY THE SWORD.

:finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p :finger: :p

I am waiting for the numbers 152-1001!!!!!

Shug, nasal hair was already banished, can you create a double negative if you banish it again? I think you may need to rethink your stratagy of carte blanche banishing.

Vinegar. it stinks.

Originally posted by Seb Briggs Vinegar. it stinks.

Balsamic vinegar smell's quite nice

Black Pudding

Originally posted by Shug Marty numbers 102 -150 ....BANISHED:evil: :evil: ha ha ha...fuck you. The Shugmaster trumphs again:evil:Do not try to to deceive the Shugster - he is very cunning, clever and cool. :evil:

REASONS TO BE TEARFUL - ONE :evil: ....TWO :evil: :evil:....THREE :evil: :evil: :evil:

SHUG YOU WANKSTAIN......STOP BEING SUCH A CRETINOUS CHICKEN ARSED JESSIE !!!!! YOU COP OUT !!! COP OUT!!! YOU'RE RUNNING AWAY FROM IT NOW, YOU COWARD!!! COME ON! STAND YER GROUND AND FIGHT THE ENEMY YOU CREATED!! WE NOMINATE THE ENTRIES - YOU SHOVE 'EM IN - ISN'T THAT WHAT THE GAME IS ALL ABOUT?? NO TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM IT NOW!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: IT BLOODY WELL AIN'T OVER YET - THIS SHOULD BE YOUR DEATH SENTENCE, NO MERCY FOR YOU, SO PREPARE TO ROAST YOUR WELL OILED GONADS OVER THESE - :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

152. SHITE ELVIS IMPERSONATORS - FUCKING EVERYWHERE YOU CARE TO LOOK
153. ANAEMIC SANDWICH FILLINGS
154. "DOWN UNDER" BY MEN AT WORK - BET YOU'VE GOT THIS RECORD EH?
155. THE FUCKING "WHAAAZZZZAAAAPPP?" BUDWEISER ADVERT
156. CRAP COVER VERSIONS PERFORMED BY GUTLESS POP EUNUCHS WHICH ARE A POOR XEROX OF THE ORIGINAL - FOR FUCKS SAKE PUT SOME EFFORT INTO MAIING IT ATLEAST DIFFERENT, FUCKERS!!
157. FENG SHUI - A CLASSIC EXAMPLE OF A TRADITIONAL AESTHETIC BEING HIJACKED AND WATERED DOWN SIMPLY FOR THE GRATIFICATION OF THE TRENDY CLUELESS NOUVEAU RICHE HERD MENTALITY - FENG SHITE MORE LIKE!!
158. NEIL AND CHRISTINE HAMILTON - THEIR "RAPE " CASE ? HAVEN'T LAUGHED SO MUCH IN AGES... :evil:
159. PEOPLE WHO GO OVER THE TOP WITH OUTSIDE XMAS DECORATIONS - AT LEAST IT'S A GOOD INVITATION TO THIEVES AND BURGLARS THEN, SO THAT'S FINE BY ME....
160. SCUMMY STREET PIGEONS WITH GAMMY LEGS
161. PAPER BOG ROLL - SOMEONE SOMEWHERE'S IDEA OF A MOST AMUSING JOKE I PRESUME
162. PEOPLE WHO WEAR THE UNION JACK
163. PEOPLE WHO PAINT THEIR FACES LIKE THE UNION JACK
164. COWBOY BOOTS - FUCKING HELL - DO PEOPLE SERIOUSLY THINK THEY LOOK COOL WITH THESE ON? WELL, YEAH - PERHAPS ONLY IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE...
165. JIMMY NAIL - HA HA HA... TOSSER!
166. AND BILLY RAY CYRUS - HOPE HE STRANGLES HIMSELF WITH HIS FUCKING KENTUCKY WATERFALL THEN
167. POT HEADS WHO JUST SPOUT RUBBISH WHILST UNDER THE INFLUENCE...ZZZZZZZZZZ
168. JOHN PRESCOTT
169. RICHARD AND JUDY - HOW COME THESE VACUOUS ARSEWIPES ARE STILL ON TELLY?
170. DIARRHOEA
171. HARD TURDS THAT JUST WON'T POP OUT
172. TURDS THAT JUST WON'T STAY DOWN OUT OF SIGHT
173. KEITH HARRIS AND ORVILLE - FUCKING PISS OFF THE BOTH OF YER!
174. THE RIVER DANCE - WHAT IS THE POINT OF TRYING TO PRETEND YOU'RE DANCING WHILST WEARING AN INVISIBLE STRAITJACKET? FUCKING RIDICULOUS - HA HA HA HA HA 175)THE BODY FORM JINGLE - "WOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH BAAAADEE-FOR-HORRRMMMMM!!" HORRID!
175. CHER AND HER COLLECTION OF PLASTIC ARSES
176. WACKO JACKO AND HIS COLLECTION OF PLASTIC NOSES AND LITTLE CHILDREN BENEATH HIS STAIRWELL
177. WIDE BOYS!!! WIDE BOYS!!! WIDE BOYS!!! (DUGGA-DUGGA-DUG!! DUGGA-DUGGA-DUGGA-DUG!! DUGGA-DUGG!!) [AS DURAN DURAN WOULD HAVE IT]
178. FRIENDS - WHAT A BUNCH OF UTTER UTTER DICKWETS THEY ARE. ESPECIALLY THE DORK WITH THE LONG DONG OF A NOSE....FUCK OFF!
179. DAVID BADDIEL - SPECCY SMUG TWAT
180. TERRY CHRISTIAN - DICKHEAD
181. RUSSELL GRANT - FAT ARSE
182. BEN ELTON - GOBSHITE
183. BERNARD SUMNERS'S TRIPLE CHINS - YUCK YUCK YUCKY!!
184. BECK - OVERRATED TOSSER, WHAT A FUCKING CHARLATAN THAT GUY IS - OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!!
185. TRAINSPOTTERS - YOU KNOW WHY THEY WEAR THEM PARKAS? SO THEY CAN'T BE SEEN TOSSING THEMSELVES OFF EACH TIME A DIESEL LOCO PULLS INTO THE STATION - EVEN THEIR NOTEBOOKS/LAPTOPS HAVE PERSPIRATION AND CUM STAINS ALL OVER THEM. THE BEST PLACE TO OBSERVE THEM IS BIRMINGHAM NEW STREET - THERE'S TUNNELS AT BOTH ENDS OF THE STATION - I THINK YOU GET THE GENERAL IDEA....
186. FOOLS GOLD AND ONE LOVE BY THE STONE ROSES - TWO OF THE MOST OVERRATED VACUOUS PIECES OF TOSH FROM A MANC BAND EVER. THERE! I SAID IT!
187. SLUGS
188. COCKROACHES
189. WOODLICE
190. MIDDLE AGED BRITISH MEN WHO BARE THEIR HIDEOUS SWOLLEN LOBSTER PINK BEER BELLIES AND WOBBLE ABOUT LIKE BLANCMANGES WHENEVER A LITTLE BIT OF SUN COMES OUT DURING SUMMER.....AND.....
191. MIDDLE AGED BRITISH MEN WHO WEAR GREY SOCKS WITH THEIR SANDALS.....UGH!!
192. STAFFORDSHIRE BULL TERRIERS AND BULL TERRIERS/BULLDOGS IN GENERAL - IT'S SAID THAT A NATION OFTEN RESEMBLES THE DOGS THEY POSSESS...WELL I CAN'T ARGUE ABOUT THAT ONE NOW CAN I???
193. NICHOLAS PARSNIPS
194. JIMMY FUCKING TARBUCK - ANYBODY HERE WANNA VOLUNTEER TO MAKE THAT GAP IN HIS FRONT TEETH JUST THAT LITTLE BIT BIGGER, HUH???
195. TRIBUTE BANDS - SPREADING LIKE THE PLAGUE AS EVER - NOW WE HAVE TRIBUTE BANDS OF TRIBURE BANDS - A TRULY GHASTLY PROSPECT - FUCKING HELL, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.....!!!!
196. REG FUCKING HOLDSWORTH - TOILET FROG
197. LINE DANCING - HOW CAN PEOPLE TAKE THIS CRAP SERIOUSLY? FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!!
198. DANDRUFF
199. STAR TREKKIES - YOU BORING INCONTINENT FUCKERS!! WHAT'S THE BIG FUSS??
200. PROG ROCK - HA HA HA HA HA HA
201. BRITONS ABROAD
202. BRITONS ARE BROAD
203. BRITONS ARE BORED
204. BRITONS OVERBOARD
205. BRITAIN'S A BOARD
206. BRITAIN'S A FRAUD
207. BRITAIN'S OVERBOARD
208. BRITAIN'S OFF THE BOARD
209. SHUG'S OVER BORED
210. SHUG'S OVER BOARD
211. SHUG'S OFF THE BOARD
212. GODDAMNYOUFUCKERHOWMANYMOREFUCKINGTHINGSDOIHAVETOLISTJUSTTOGETYOUTO GETUPOFFYOURSPOTTYARSEANDBANSIHTHEMTOTHEPITOFHELLYOUMUTHAFUKKA??SHITWANKTITBOILSBUMSCOCKTOSSFUCKSHAGFRIGTWATWANKARSEBOLLOCKSBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAAAHBLAAAAAHHBLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: WOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!WWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!VV :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff::headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff:

Oh Shit, I think I've just come.

Martin, i wanted to ask you- how do you get almonds in your armpits? Is it really that bad? And if so, how can I avoid it? :)

VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!! VINDICATION!!!!

............it has never sounded or smelt so sweet.

Jesus christ Marty!!!! You are excelling yourself this time - fuckin hell, I never expected you to be so bitter and twisted since your return, but you seem to have done just that - honestly, who's been rattling your cage these past few days??

Todd

I'd like to propose a toast.

To Martin 'martian' Gray, the funniest and most utterly fucked up bastard this board has ever seen.

"MARTIN!"

for he's a jolly fucked fellow, for he's a jolly fucked fellow

Just finished reading ,Martian and slowly returning to earth. Impressive. So basicly it all boils down to banishing England and everything related to it and people in general. But as you bring your thoughts to us in such a brilliant way, i reckon you should , in fact you deserve your own private little room 101.

No please - honestly, it was nothing.

Please stop, you're making me blush.

{god, how embarrassing......) :o

ER - HANG ON A MINUTE!!! YOU DON'T FOOL ME SO EASILY!!!! YOU TWO ARE BEING SARCASTIC NOW AREN'T YOU???? WELL, ....FUCK YOU!!! .....YOU FAKES!!! YOU LIARS!!! YOU PHONEYS!!! YOU......YOU........YOU..... YOU...... MONOLITHIC, GRANNY MOLESTING ARSEWIPES!!! YOU WANT ME TO PISS OFF DON'T YOU??? JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!!! WELL - DAMN YOU!! AND DAMN YOUR SCANDALOUS LIES!!!!

GRRRR!!! YOU MAKE ME S-O M-A-A-A-A-D!!!

Originally posted by Martian Gray No please - honestly, it was nothing.Please stop, you're making me blush.{god, how embarrassing......) :o

OK, i take it back. Stop writing such long posts you twat :D how much time do you think i have in my life??

Originally posted by Shug You lying bastard - you love the adoration....I sense thes kind of things....

STILL CAN'T SPELL CAN YOU?? YOU FUCKING USELESS POLTROON!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: