Room 1001....Retired? Abducted? NOT BLOODY LIKELY....!

Right Shug - it's time to pack up yer bags and shove off! Your nemesis is back!
And this time he means business!!

So, first of all, apologies for being away so long. It seems it's had the desired effect much to my utter delight - i.e. you'd eventually stop worrying about my whereabouts and simply forget about me. So far, so good then. But there IS a good reason for my disappearance - MANY good reasons infact. But before I go into them just let me voice my utter incredulity and consternation at the furore my sabbatical seems to have created: all these bloody conspiracy theories flying about - Mulder and Scully my arse! - are you lot so bereft of things to do that you start spreading malicious gossip about me being respectively visited by bailiffs, abducted by aliens and worse still, be dragged out of my home, stripped naked, tarred and feathered and then shot in broad daylight in public whilst a brass band plays mockingly in the background? You sick fucks!!

As it happens the last ten days have simply been fucking insane - a schedule so damn chaotic that the last thing I had any time to do - apart from fucking sleep- was to post any messages or worry about such a poxy trivial matter as a 1000th post. To briefly recap, I' was called called up to play some impromptu gigs with some mates around the country the day I last posted here: that took me to the weekend. No chance to get to a computer or internet café there then. Last weekend I was back in Liverpool following the sad news of George Harrison's passing so a few friends asked me to help them arrange some small gigs in the city in tribute just for all the fans who had descended in droves to pay their respects (a moving time that was too - strangely also coinciding with my dad's 80th birthday celebrations last Sunday as well - so quite unreal as a result). When I finally returned to Shitsville last Tuesday , it was straight back to work - and more stress and hassle than you can shake a stick at. Then I had a pretty nasty bust-up with my best friend that evening, threatened to shoot some bastard kids on Wednesday, and tried fucking hard to chill out on Thursday. Finally found salvation by ripping up my first Christmas card on Friday before heading out to see the GODlike STEREOLAB that evening at Manchester University - an event which finally (and not a moment too soon I'd say) restored a tiny semblance of my otherwise fast-diminishing faith in human nature, so wonderful was the gigging experience: BEST band live I've seen - they piss all over fucking New Order. There - Heresy promptly uttered! And Proud Of It! So Suck On That You Lot!!! :evil:
Yesterday - Saturday - night was another top gig! "Tribal Gathering 2" at the Chorlton Buzz Club in Manchester Twelve bands all making one huge fuck-off racket with drums, drums, drums, drums, samplers and anything else they could get their mitts on - highlight being me trashing the drumkit on the final encore in a fit of utter adrenalised dementia ..........WOOOO-HOOOOOO!!! then the last band came on - all thirty of them - crammed onto the tiny dancefloor - and there I was, behind one of the sampler keyboards, jumping up and down like a fucking maniac and doing a very passably sarcastic impersonation of Mr. Arthouse Jive Bunny Himself TWAT BOY SLIM (hands in the air, thumbs aloft, throwing full pint glasses at the audience, delirious smile on my face, pressing the keys and triggering off insane hip-hop samples - FUCKING COOL!!!), before the whole place nearly collapsed under the sheer weight of about seventy drummers and instrumentalists all shaking their goddamn tight-funky-bitch-ass thang for one last time, creating a din that could be heard in Australia. Absolutely FUCKING MENTAL!! So - the last two days have compensated for the unmitigating shiteness of the preceding four.

Anyway, I've had a chance to look at some of the threads since my absence - and they make for truly gruesome reading - what's happened to your collective quality control eh, suckers? What's with all these repeated Room 101 threads and "current listening", "1963", "EGG", "Best LP", "Best of the Best of the Best of LP" bollocks! HAVE YOU LOT GOT NO IMAGINATION ANY MORE? CHUFFIN' HECK!! All I do is turn my back for a few seconds and this is what the message board sinks to! You all need a COLLECTIVE KICK UP YO ASSES! ASS BUTT PANTS And you've even started accusing me of generating my own "Reggie Perrin-esque" mystique by suggesting that I was posting in under the alias of this "MenInBlacK" persona. Honestly - what the fuck??!! PACK IT IN WILL YER! For the record - NO - it wasn't me - may it not have occurred to you lot that there might be some OTHER smart arse bastards out there who thought it would be a good laff to play along with the thing by pretending to take advantage of my "hiatus" by making as if there was more to it than there really was, huh? Shame on you all! And anyway, he didn't have much to fucking say did he - the ManInBlack, that is? - I can't believe that some of you assumed the MIB was me - I mean, he did have a wisecrack against Patrick as well, did he not?? Just cause I did assume Gary Ritman for a giggle whilst in Amsterdam, doesn't mean I 'll be doing likewise again..... Tut Tut Don't try to second guess Marty , you good fair shiny slappy people - you'll only end up stirring the seething beast inside me from his slumber once again - and we don't want that now, do we?

Well - this is Post 1001 then - a deliberate ploy to piss Shug off in the same way that he's pissing ME off I made a conscious effort to avoid posting a topic numbered 1000 just to keep it as low key as possible - NONE OF YOU EXPECTED THAT THEN DID YOU???? :D - and judging by some people's comments as to its whereabouts, it seems once again my devious cunning plan worked. Ha! Not even dear Buster knows I'm back does he??

Mind you - there's so much shit being discussed on the threads of late - including some truly yawnsome topics I have to be honest with you - - that you should all be steadying yourselves in preparation for a few random choice onslaughts in the coming days, seeing as we're heading for that fucking godforsaken Festering Season - my FAVOURITE TIME OF THE YEAR!!!! YEEEEEEE-HAAA!!! ........I'm not through with everything just yet.

So, just to get you all in the mood for Christmas - here's a little something I made earlier:

:\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff: :\puke: :headoff:

Hello!! - Hello! Glad to be back!! Glad to be back!!!!

Good to have you back Mring; it just wasn't the same wothout you

How the hell did I type that!?!? I mean 'Martin' !

hello again martin! i'm also getting pissed off with the room 101 thang - particularly since i nearly got banished just for hating football. i felt very unloved.

I see your still as loved up as ever marty boy

have you been away Marty? hadn't noticed....

Originally posted by Sarah Middle hello again martin! i'm also getting pissed off with the room 101 thang - particularly since i nearly got banished just for hating football. i felt very unloved.

I don't care about football either, Sarah. So, let me be banished...

Well, Martin, I don't know what I had to guess or anything and, well, I don't really care.

But I noticed you were at 1.000 because I was looking at the statistics page regularly just to check on your post count.

Last time I checked, you were at 1.000 and I started looking like mad for your comeback post... Thanks Patrick for showing me the way.

Good to have you back anyway, my dear friend (I'd love to see Stereolab, it's been a while now...)

Originally posted by Buster Klumpy > Originally posted by Sarah Middle> hello again martin! i'm also getting pissed off with the room 101 thang - particularly since i nearly got banished just for hating football. i felt very unloved.

I don't care about football either, Sarah. So, let me be banished...

A Belgian who doesn't care about football ? Surely not ?

Originally posted by Papa Lazarou > Originally posted by Buster Klumpy> > > > Originally posted by Sarah Middle> > hello again martin! i'm also getting pissed off with the room 101 thang - particularly since i nearly got banished just for hating football. i felt very unloved.>

I don't care about football either, Sarah. So, let me be banished...

A Belgian who doesn't care about football ? Surely not ?

But it's true... Don't give a f..., really...

Welcome back Martian, I see you're still on top form rant wise. Well done passing the millstone of 1000. Yes millstone! Keep it comin'.

Oh god. He's back.

I guess i have to now resign as best looking person on here.

Marty, who the f"^%£ is Marty????? (MRING?)

JJ!

I also want 1000 threads!!!! (will never reach it, sih).

Martin, Buster, which one was Martin's 1000's?

JJ

Santa Comes Early.

So, presumably he can fuck off back to where he came from early as well - go on you bearded fuckhead, hop it!

I was answering DJ's question; Santa Comes Early is the thread where post number 1,000 is located.

GOEDEMIDDAG, JIM!! HOE GAAT HET ERMEE? (Ik had iets heel anders verwacht....!!!)

Sorry, ik moet er vandoor. Er wordt op mij gewacht.

Tot straks!!!

P.S. Shug?? WAT EEN AKELIG VENTJE !!!!

Originally posted by Patrick I was answering DJ's question; Santa Comes Early is the thread where post number 1,000 is located.

Yeah, I know, I know, just me being sarcastic as per usual bud!!

Originally posted by Patrick Santa Comes Early.

THANKS PAT!!

Originally posted by Martian Gray GOEDEMIDDAG, JIM!! HOE GAAT HET ERMEE? (Ik had iets heel anders verwacht....!!!)Sorry, ik moet er vandoor. Er wordt op mij gewacht.Tot straks!!! P.S. Shug?? WAT EEN AKELIG VENTJE !!!!

HEY Martin!

Alles goed hier! Het is echt super dat je weer terug bent! Welkom welkom (dit verwachtte je natuurlijk, en terecht). En als je de wat oudere discussies hebt gevolgd (did you?), heb je kunnen zien dat ik je zo nu en dan uit je tent heb proberen te lokken.

Man, wat spreek je een Hollands, ik sta paf. Ben je stiekum zo'n geemigreerde Hollander, of is je vriendin een Hollandse (blond, blauwe ogen, lange benen.....)

En Shug, ja hij blijf leuk he???

CU! DJ

Originally posted by Dutch Jim says: NO! > Originally posted by Patrick> Santa Comes Early.

THANKS PAT!!

Any time, DJ.

Hey look - the prodigal son returns! Where have you been all this time? Have you read some of the stuff that's been written about you since you disappeared Marty? Shug seems to have a lot to grumble about - I reckon that's cos he's got a huge insecurity complex about not getting any more of yuor regular contributions to his room 101 thread! Seen how many sequels thats has spawned?

Good to see you back mate - and keep pissing them off.

Todd

Don't even give him the pleasure of working that one out D.J. my friend - let him stew in his own rancid juices for a change.

(Wij heb heel hard gelacht!!!!)

Hello Martin en welkom terug. I only saw your new post just now( thanks to technoligy iwas unable for about 5 days to be online.)It is so good to have you back among us, Man in black aliens abduction....what a laugh he! It is like thart old expression: do not talk about yourself , we will when you are gone! ( or make something up for that matter) Glad you like Xmas so much. Therefor: on behalf of the dutch government:ik wens je een prettig kerstfeest.

Goedenavond Mario - hoe gaat het ermee? Good to hear from you too - it's been a long absence relatively speaking, but if you've seen a few of my recent posts, you'll know that I've come back with a vengeance. Oh, and by the way, hurry up and hurl a few more insults at Shug before he closes his room 101 thread for good - I'm making sure that he's gonna have a very hard job of getting through it in one piece....ha ha ha. :evil:

Actually Shug - aware as I ever am as not being regarded as yer typical pig-ignorant English Bastard who disgraces himself abroad by arrogantly expecting all his European cousins to speak only English,whislt making no attempt to converse in any other languages, I have managed to learn a few languages in my lifetime - Did A-level French, German, a teeny bit of Italian, and am now slowly but steadily trying to grasp Dutch in readiness for fucking off out of this shithole to begin my hoped-for new idyllic stress-free life with the wonderful Holland people. It might scare you terribly, but I even speak Chinese too.

Anyway, for your French posturing: here's something simple for you to work out:

"VA TE FAIRE FOUTRE!!"

And yes...your French grammar IS slightly wrong - tense nervous headache perhaps??

"vous etes un cul, mon ami......"

Originally posted by Mario Herlaar Hello Martin en welkom terug.I only saw your new post just now( thanks to technoligy iwas unable for about 5 days to be online.)It is so good to have you back among us, Man in black aliens abduction....what a laugh he! It is like thart old expression: do not talk about yourself , we will when you are gone! ( or make something up for that matter)Glad you like Xmas so much.Therefor: on behalf of the dutch government:ik wens je een prettig kerstfeest.

Oh Mario - you've noticed my slight name change there? That's thanks to you - I don't know if it was a typing error or deliberate - but on one of the other threads (I think one where my disappearance was being discussed) you referred to me as Martian Gray - because you thought maybe I was moonlighting under the Men In Black alias (I wasn't - and I am not - dunno who the hell they are, but they are rather witty anyway!!!) So I thought Martian Gray sounded cool!

Proost!! :)

Hey Martin, You talk down New Order on the threads agian and there will be an abduction. :headoff: Got that, good. On another note, glad to see you back! :happytongue:

Yes Martian, i noticed the slight change in spelling votre prénom, no thanks.

So who exactly WERE the mysterious people behind TheMen In Black alias then, if it wasn't our Marty??

Could this really be one for Mulder and Scully then?

Todd

Originally posted by Shug Someone help me out - the first one is something to do with sex- the second one Kiss my arse?You cheeky monkey Marty

"Kiss My Arse"?? Augenblick bitte, ich muss es erst suchen. Wie sagt man das auf Deutsche, Dummkopf ?!!!

I don't "think" - I "KNOW"........

SCHWEINHUND!!

y.o.u. h.a.v.e.n.'.t. e.s.c.a.p.e.d. f.r.o.m. u.s. j.u.s.t. y.e.t. m.r. g.r.a.y. y.o.u. w.i.l.l. s.e.e.

Listen mate, whoever you are - just quietly go away back to where you came from!! I'm here to stay now - and you won't be able to stop me.....HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:

Tell you what - why don't you start picking on Shug instead - he's the devil in disguise you know. No go on - Hop it.

Actually, the Devil resides in one of my mom's two cats (no I'm serious! You try and pet him after dipping your finger in holy water, see if he lets ya!)

:evil: :evil: :evil: