No - that is not a typo for "Are New Order past it?" Rather, I thought it would be a novel idea to chew over (pun intended) as we often hear how celebrities or bands are compared to certain types of food. For example, would anyone else agree with me when I suggest that most of the chart crap is the equivalent of McDonalds and other vacuous unhealthy junk food? And, say, at the other end of the spectrum, pretentious unlistenable shite like Placido Domingo and Jose Carreras (we'll leave Pavarotti out of this shall we, as - thanks to fucking Gazza in 1990 - he's probably got more to do with Keef Allen now than slurping on oyster broth served from silver tureens) would be the equivalent of caviar butties? Whilst bland corporate Q-appeasing dullards like Coldplay would be the equivalent of pea and ham soup (i.e. lumpy tepid mush) ?
So, given that maybe it's accurate to assume that Barney, Hooky and the boys are our musical equivalent to the good old Cornish/Beef pastie - in that it's full of wholesome meaty goodness inside but bulging in the middle and flakiing around the outsides, what foods would you equate some of your favourite / least favourite bands to?
Here's a few of mine:
Oasis would be a greasy chip butty.
Echo and the Bunnymen would be a ploughman's lunch.
The Smiths would be two Rivita crackers sandwiching a piece of celery - WITH NO BUTTER OR SPREAD OF ANY KIND.
Nirvana would be a raw leg of lamb - bleeding everywhere.
R.E.M. would be tofu burgers in salsa sauce with ground pepper and crushed olives: very pretentious but completely unpalatable all the same.
Mariah Carey would be a huge cherry tart with lashings of icing and sweet syrup filling garnished with glace cherries and fondant lemon trimmings...i.e. guaranteed to give you such severe toothache your gnashers will drop out.
Prince would be a seven week old poached egg and salmon souffle - moulding on the outside and absolutely nothing left inside.
Over to you then!
