Suicidal tendancies

Not the happiest of topics, but since I split with my long time girlfriend ,two years ago, my life seems to have descended into misery. Am I depressed? I think about topping myself at least once a day. My mood swings from happy to sad at the drop of a hat. Whats a bugg tutt like me to do?

go see a doctor

go seek professional help. i don't like this poll at all and i wish you hadn't posted it.

Check your mail - NOW!!!!!!!!!

I had a bloody good go at it once It failed And I am glad

no more to say.

God, that's awful. I know what it's like breaking up with someone after a long time. You need good friends and to get out and sow your oats! The best way of getting over someone is to get under someone else (that works for guys too!)

Stop thinking about suicide, it's selfish. Think of who you'd leave behind, they'd be blaming themselves. Chin up fella, look on the brightside, it's onwards and upwards from now on.

Get to NOOLer all day sesh and we'll give you a good time!

X X X X

I don't normally do kisses, but you need it.

:)

Steve Campbell wrote: I had a bloody good go at it once It failed And I am glad

no more to say.

I'm so glad you did not you silly sausage. Where would us silly girls be without you to lead us on??????

I'm certifiable, and I think about it on the offhand often enough, but mostly in a logical "yeah, could do that, but then I'd miss all this other stuff, and that'd be useless".

Either talk to one of us to get that thought out, or you go with haste (and I do mean haste) to proper mental health doctors. No fooling around with it, seriously.

There's no point to topping yourself, even after a relationship. It hurts for a while.. and a while can be years sometimes, but there's no reason for going off like that. There's many more good times to be had, many more laughs to be broken into , and certainly many more great albums to buy.

Sometimes to get out of the deep end, you've got to think shallow.

(and originally, I thought it was about the band, too. Shows how far my thinking's come. )

Bugg Tutts wrote: Not the happiest of topics, but since I split with my long time girlfriend ,two years ago, my life seems to have descended into misery. Am I depressed? I think about topping myself at least once a day. My mood swings from happy to sad at the drop of a hat. Whats a bugg tutt like me to do?

buggtutt@hotmail.co.uk

No matter how shit things are, they WILL get better. I have been there. It's a dark place to be and anyone who has not been there will not understand. Trust me. Love hurts, especially when you are getting beats, but trust me. No matter how much you think, you love someone. You can always love again. I promise. Words are easy to say, not easy to take. Although most times in life are hard and shit, you'll regret all those amazing, wicked days you are lucky to be alive for. Although they are few and far betwen, they kick ass.

If i'd have missed NO at Brixton, i'd have had to come back and haunt someone through rage, at myself, for not allowing myself the chnace to get thorugh the tunnel, and see what's on the other side. And here we all our. you can't put a price on friendship. relationshiops can come and go, but they have nothing on good friends. Priceless. My best days have been with my mates. Give yourself a chance, always. I promise, things DO turn a corner.

Bonz' you actually replied to thank me for not toppin myself before attempting to comfort the poor sod who was (WAS...right?) thinking about it. Don;t think I've ever been so touched

ALWAYS things worth living for one more of.

Sunrises, New order gigs (even if prior to a month ago it was strictly boots), hearing Little Fluffy Clouds, a completely random stranger smiling at you genuinely.....I dunno everyone has their own list.

Besdies think of the mechanics of it....think about whatever daft idea you were having and think about how horrible it will be to go through, or LIVE through....think of those who find you.

And besdies it'd be downright fucking ungrateful after all thee babes cam running to your side...FFS you got a kiss of Jem....I've been blowing sunshine up her arse for weeks and wrote he a fookin song and I aint got a kiss!!!!!!!!

Snap out of it dude..each step towards the shore you take, the clutching mud about your body gets shallower, pulls you down less, makes the next step easier.

AND if you do it now each and every person on this thread who's talked to you....wil think FOR CERTAIN it's their fault.

any angles I didn't cover, speak up.

any angles I didn't cover, speak up.

Hi......it is me....FALLEN

Steve Campbell wrote: I had a bloody good go at it once It failed And I am glad

no more to say.

Same here.

Steve Campbell wrote: Bonz' you actually replied to thank me for not toppin myself before attempting to comfort the poor sod who was (WAS...right?) thinking about it. Don;t think I've ever been so touched

ALWAYS things worth living for one more of

Sunrises, New order gigs (even if prior to a month ago it was strictly boots), hearing Little Fluffy Clouds, a completely random stranger smiling at you genuinely.....I dunno everyone has their own list.

Besdies think of the mechanics of it....think about whatever daft idea you were having and think about how horrible it will be to go through, or LIVE through....think of those who find you.

And besdies it'd be downright fucking ungrateful after all thee babes cam running to your side...FFS you got a kiss of Jem....I've been blowing sunshine up her arse for weeks and wrote he a fookin song and I aint got a kiss!!!!!!!!

Snap out of it dude..each step towards the shore you take, the clutching mud about your body gets shallower, pulls you down less, makes the next step easier.

AND if you do it now each and every person on this thread who's talked to you....wil think FOR CERTAIN it's their fault.

any angles I didn't cover, speak up.

You a dude!

Samantha Chapman wrote:

Steve Campbell wrote: I had a bloody good go at it once It failed And I am glad

no more to say.

Same here.

SING WHEN YOU're LIVING

78681 wrote: Oh...and here I thought we were going to discuss the "band"...

Soory...I've got no advice...although you could do what I do...drink heavily!

i thought the same thing, i saw them in '89 at the Ritz in NYC with Sepultura ,

Steve Campbell wrote: ...FFS you got a kiss of Jem....I've been blowing sunshine up her arse for weeks and wrote he a fookin song and I aint got a kiss!!!!!!!!

I'm glad you didn't too! X

That is the most selfish thing you could possible do. And over a broad....

Go out and get laid. She aint worth it.

I refuse to die until I hear the new My Bloody Valentine record ... which means I've got a long life ahead of me. C'mon Kevin.

Stick with us Mr. Tutt. I would say seek professional help, but that can be such a hit or miss proposition. I've struggled with depression for over 20 years now, but I'm just so goddamn curious about what's going to happen tomorrow.

Gnu Odor wrote: I refuse to die until I hear the new My Bloody Valentine record ... which means I've got a long life ahead of me. C'mon Kevin.

I'm starting to wonder if it'd help if I offered to write the songs for 'em. Time's a wastin'. :p

Bugg Tutts wrote: Am I depressed? I think about topping myself at least once a day. My mood swings from happy to sad at the drop of a hat.

Yes.

Whats a bugg tutt like me to do?

Find a good therapist ASAP. It may take a bit of searching to find the right one.

Doesn't anyome have friends in that country. Therapy? What? last resort. lining some Rich wanker's pockets so he can fall asleep while you talk and then offer the same adive the guy behind the bar round the corner would give. Ass to it.

Over here, when you're at your wits end, you call some friends who come have fun with you and listen to you....over there it's like if mummy took your fave teddy away 2 months before you were ready....you spend the majority of your income on charlatans.

Sorry...pet hate.

dont drink heavily - in your state it will make you feel more depressed. go to a doctor today, they will help you.

twist wrote: That is the most selfish thing you could possible do. And over a broad....

Go out and get laid. She aint worth it.

damn fookin right

You guys, such a caring bunch, thanks for cheering me up:)

Hey man, glad to see you back.

Bugg Tutts wrote: You guys, such a caring bunch, thanks for cheering me up:)

You haven't got the bill yet :D gis a job

Bugg Tutts wrote: You guys, such a caring bunch, thanks for cheering me up:)

Well, never believe you don't deserve a good cheering up, and now you know where to go for that sort of thing.

Here's my bill*. Just sign at the dotted line. :D

*Offer entitles me to free drinks and your laughter resounding through the air. No expiry date.

Not worth it.You'll only hurt your family. Look at it another way.I know I did many many years ago.Possible topic of conversation after jumping off a motorway bridge...One Day Later...shock horror,can't believe it.....One Month Later....remember thingy,oh aye......Three months later....Monty who? If you're going to leave this planet,go out the front door with your head high and strive to achieve to do at least 3 new things a year you've never tried before.And do something worthy of something to remember you by,not sadness.

No shit,beginning of last year,wife fucked off after 7 months of marriage.3 weeks of crying in my cocoa.After which..fuck this! I've got a week off,I'm going to go somewhere I may never go again.....so I blew my savings and went on my own(!) to New York. I came back feeling like the Dogs Bollocks. So think on mate,nothing or no one's worth topping yourself for.

Wow, look what you women have done to all of us on here!

My college girlfriend left me -- apparently to pursue her life's goal of being a lesbian -- and I remember days when I would just lie face down on the floor for hours 'cause I didn't have the will to get up. But now it's one of those things I look back on and smile.

And let me award the Golden Cheek award to Mr. Campbell and his harem for managing to flirt with each other on a suicide thread. :evil:

monty wrote: Not worth it.You'll only hurt your family. Look at it another way.I know I did many many years ago.Possible topic of conversation after jumping off a motorway bridge...One Day Later...shock horror,can't believe it.....One Month Later....remember thingy,oh aye......Three months later....Monty who? If you're going to leave this planet,go out the front door with your head high and strive to achieve to do at least 3 new things a year you've never tried before.And do something worthy of something to remember you by,not sadness.

No shit,beginning of last year,wife fucked off after 7 months of marriage.3 weeks of crying in my cocoa.After which..fuck this! I've got a week off,I'm going to go somewhere I may never go again.....so I blew my savings and went on my own(!) to New York. I came back feeling like the Dogs Bollocks. So think on mate,nothing or no one's worth topping yourself for.

It's so true. No matter how bad things may be in your head- if you do something for YOURSELF, you realise that lifes about YOU making yourself happy- not someone else. Besides, you could do alot worse than us lot.

Good friends are hard to come by, at least you know, you will always have friends and support here. We are slightly off the wall, but hey, that's a good thing in this life.

Steve Campbell wrote:

Bugg Tutts wrote: You guys, such a caring bunch, thanks for cheering me up:)

You haven't got the bill yet :D gis a job

See Steve, you've justified your stay at home exsistance! You are needed more here, than any call centre.

Gnu Odor wrote: Wow, look what you women have done to all of us on here!

My college girlfriend left me -- apparently to pursue her life's goal of being a lesbian -- and I remember days when I would just lie face down on the floor for hours 'cause I didn't have the will to get up. But now it's one of those things I look back on and smile.

And let me award the Golden Cheek award to Mr. Campbell and his harem for managing to flirt with each other on a suicide thread. :evil:

DUDE I could flirt with these chicks at a wake....what's not to flirt with

Gnu Odor wrote:

And let me award the Golden Cheek award to Mr. Campbell and his harem for managing to flirt with each other on a suicide thread. :evil:

Just goes to show it's not love will tear us apart but that it will keep us together.

(well, at least here on NOOL, that is.)

Hey baby, what say when your husband's casket's lowered we go grab a drink?

He's sure to get his dance card in real early!

You DO know that's going to be 50 odd years from now, and we'll be all wrinkly and crippled, right? Or are you planning on cryogenically waiting til then?

ARRRGGGGGHH FUCKING NOOOOOOOO OLD PEOPLE SEX....YOU'LL SEND HIM TO THE FUCKING SAMARITANS AGAIN YOU SICK BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Steve Campbell wrote: ARRRGGGGGHH FUCKING NOOOOOOOO OLD PEOPLE SEX....YOU'LL SEND HIM TO THE FUCKING SAMARITANS AGAIN YOU SICK BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You fucking crack me up young Steve

Is it just ME or is it a bit dead here tonight?

Bonzette wrote:

Steve Campbell wrote: ARRRGGGGGHH FUCKING NOOOOOOOO OLD PEOPLE SEX....YOU'LL SEND HIM TO THE FUCKING SAMARITANS AGAIN YOU SICK BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You fucking crack me up young Steve

Seconded!

Rocket Mick wrote: Is it just ME or is it a bit dead here tonight?

(more impressed that i understood what the Rocket said....first time since JB's I think. I suspect he may become more damged than I that night)

My advice would be:

1. To start medication to control your tendancies
2. Get fit. Excercise is great for reducing depression
3. Don't smoke weed (if you have done)
4. Don't drink to excess as it makes your serotonin level lower for a few days afterwards.
5. Spend a lot of time with your mates and family. Right now you need unconditional support
6. Try and enjoy the simple things in life like nature
7. Go on a holiday and get some sun
8. Keep yourself busy so you don't think negative thoughts
9. Learn about cognitive behavioural therapy
10. Write a letter to your ex, read it to an empty chair, then burn it

Matt Elson wrote: My advice would be:

1. To start medication to control your tendancies
2. Get fit. Excercise is great for reducing depression
3. Don't smoke weed (if you have done)
4. Don't drink to excess as it makes your serotonin level lower for a few days afterwards.
5. Spend a lot of time with your mates and family. Right now you need unconditional support
6. Try and enjoy the simple things in life like nature
7. Go on a holiday and get some sun
8. Keep yourself busy so you don't think negative thoughts
9. Learn about cognitive behavioural therapy
10. Write a letter to your ex, read it to an empty chair, then burn it

4. ,6) and 10) are wise, wise advice

suicide or 'cry for help'?

there's a world of shit between them.

I'd wrap my arms around anyone suicidal and not let go. (not assuming that a hug from me would sort it out, just I wouldnt let them do it)

this thread is a bit uncomfortable.

WHO HASNT THOUGHT ABOUT IT???

Our heritage is from a suicidal bloke called Ian.

But suicide? FOOK OFF.

It's the shitiest act a human can do, a fookin waste. Total selfish cunts trick. Bottle merchant.

Stick 'Ruined in a Day' on....and wallow in self pity,

then stick SUNRISE on and appreciate just how GOOD life IS

err. right. I'm not so fookin stupid to think that a record can lift someone out of depression. OK

But fer fooks sake, if you feel suicidal go get some proper help.

AND STOP BRINGING US HAPPY PEOPLE DOWN.

HARSH..BUT FAIR

I dont listen to JD anymore, coz I'm not in tune with Ian anymore.

Bollocks, I'm not making any sense to myself as I type.

I guess what I'm trying to say is....and am not sure how this will be received is...

THIS IS THE SHITTIEST THREAD I HAVE EVER SEEN ON THE INTERNET...

NEW FUCKIN ORDER, NEW - FUCKIN - ORDER.

NEW FOOKIN ORDER is about fun, joy, eveything that is good.

If you have listened to New Order and still feel like killin yourself then go ahead, coz you HAVE NO salvation.

Fancy doin it online?

Well I wont watch, aint worth it.

NEW FOOKIN ORRRRRDDAAHHHH

err, obv you know I'm takin the piss?

yeah i agree with the not being "in tune" with Ian anymore ,BA.

I think my being in tune with him days are long gone,back in 84 or 87.These days they are just a fashionable name to say you're into.

Atmosphere is still great, though.i just can't listen to the whole Heart & Soul boxset !!!

interesting how easily people leap to the idea of mind controlling drugs and therapy.

I'd consider those the lasted of last resorts. Friends will listen to you.....and that's all a therapist does really...but I friend won't turn their ear off when the meter runs empty. And what's this kind of "prozac good weed bad" thing? I sully understand the potential for cannabis to put things under a microscope, and if you're someone who's not used to that it's probably a bad plan....otherwise you'll proably be fine....although in any such thing it's best to pay total attention to what external factors are affecting your mood. If you;re usually stoned, stay straight for a day or two to see if it help.

Excessive beer is SO bad SO SO bad.....I have done all the reprehensable things in my life while shitefaced on booze. Inluding taking a fillet knife to my wrist and JUST getting lucky (when I was getting the wound dressed you could SEE the artery!)....over a chick who wouldn't shag me. We're still mates to add a good sized orchestra hit of irony into mix.

my anti-suicide habit is just throwing on some insane comedy, or listening to richard pryor (bless him) or putting on 586 looped with Ecstasy and shaking all the funk out.

Or going for a drive. A drive at 3am is wonderful medicine for a knackered brain.

Or write. I write a lot, and it's useful to just get it out and then mock it three sides of wednesday after i've 'sobered' up so to speak.

Steve Campbell wrote: interesting how easily people leap to the idea of mind controlling drugs and therapy.

I'd consider those the lasted of last resorts. Friends will listen to you.....and that's all a therapist does really...but I friend won't turn their ear off when the meter runs empty.

Not so. A good thereapist does so much more than listen. I'm not one for the drugs, if i can avoid them at all, but a good therapist can really help.

And what's this kind of "prozac good weed bad" thing? I sully understand the potential for cannabis to put things under a microscope, and if you're someone who's not used to that it's probably a bad plan....otherwise you'll proably be fine....although in any such thing it's best to pay total attention to what external factors are affecting your mood. If you;re usually stoned, stay straight for a day or two to see if it help.

Excessive beer is SO bad SO SO bad.....I have done all the reprehensable things in my life while shitefaced on booze. Inluding taking a fillet knife to my wrist and JUST getting lucky (when I was getting the wound dressed you could SEE the artery!)....over a chick who wouldn't shag me. We're still mates to add a good sized orchestra hit of irony into mix.

Don't know about weed, but alcohol is a depressant-- the last thing on earth a depressed person needs.

Matt Elson wrote: My advice would be:

1. To start medication to control your tendancies
2. Get fit. Excercise is great for reducing depression
3. Don't smoke weed (if you have done)
4. Don't drink to excess as it makes your serotonin level lower for a few days afterwards.
5. Spend a lot of time with your mates and family. Right now you need unconditional support
6. Try and enjoy the simple things in life like nature
7. Go on a holiday and get some sun
8. Keep yourself busy so you don't think negative thoughts
9. Learn about cognitive behavioural therapy
10. Write a letter to your ex, read it to an empty chair, then burn it

All sound advice.

I've seen two bits of advice on depression: 1) Exercise is perhaps the best thing one can do for depression. Aerobic exercise and depression are incompatible. 2) Start cognitive behavioural therapy (Part of why a therapist is more than a "paid listener.").

I've always found it helpful to have a ritual burning of the ex's letters, photos, etc. Except for the last one. She wasn't worth a burning, so I just dumped her letters in the garbage where they belonged.

2. Start cognitive behavioural therapy

no training at all me....let's see.... learning to play an instrument take up fishing, particularly freshwater with all it's delicacies. play postal 2 or doom 3 or quake 1 2 or 4 for while.

the reaons I'm so down on this kind of thing are.....

When I was young, as part of the process of being taken off my mum and deposited at my aunt's...i had to go through various evaluations and sort of (I don't remember the stupid term in vogue all those years ago) transition easing sessions. All nonsense, all crap. I got steadily worse during the entire duration of my stay at my aunts, and even afterwards until those people were out of my hair. It was lying social workers and child psychotherapists and psycholigists that gave me a fair proportion of my mistrust of all authority. by 17/18 I was a vicious, uncontrolled asshole....hadn't been at 11 when they'd got involved...lots of good. Of course you COULD argue the situation was bad anyway, it was....but people telling you "it'll be 5 weeks " and it turning out to be 5 years...or bleedin therapists telling you "if you do this it'll be fine, and if it's not we'll take about it next time, never to see them again and for their great suggestion to be a waste of time. The only thing that started to bring me round was the love of friends, making some good ones at last (kid with glasses and more than 4 braincells in the local loyalist terror training school (or high school as they are elsewhere known) always gonna be a dead man).

Still through my 20's things went badly wrong once in a while like they do for everyone....and I came close to loseing my mind on several occassions...and seriously considered help....but was too busy benig freaked out to do anything about it. (these were times (well 2)when friends were in short supply) So I forgot to seek help amd worked it out on my own.

Since my mid 20's I've been just peachy apart from the usual heartbreaks...I still take them hard, but such depressive dark thoughts don't enter into my head.

Also....Therapy is like 10 times as popular in the US as in the UK.....now hands up ANYONE who things Americans are 10 times saner than us?

But that's just me maybe.....thick headed and thick skinned from all the crappy people when I was younger. Maybe others really DO need it, and I'm just letting personal annoyances get in the way of sensible debate, i dunno. The company sent me to their doctor about my illness the other day (the usual attempt to prove I'm not sick)...and he just gawped at me when I told him I hadn't asked my GP for anti depressants with my being off for so long and SO restricted in mobility.I thought.... Anti boredom pills maybe....but happy pills just cos I'm in constant PHYSICAL pain? naaaaaaaa morphine maybe :)

i have been through the lowest points in my life this last 18 months and the thought "I want to end it" never ocurred to me....not to say a couple of it's mates didn;t call like......

"I really want this to end, don;t care how" and....what I'm pretty much feeling now....

"if it still hurts you simply can't have taken a toxic amount of painkillers so it's OK to have more" (which is only a problem because I don;t know whether a little too much would just make me green....or whether it's like paracetamol....over do it and die (3 days later in pain).

I'm rambling sorry.

Erm, cognitive behavior therapy just trains you to recognize when you're dwelling on negative thoughts, and how to get out of that downward spiral of dwelling on them.

my bad....look I am actually totally shattered on those wee fookers just now :) Oddly enough worked out that kind of thing myself....the ability to step back and say...hold on boyo.

Speaking of spirals....I mentioned somewhere else earlier. I went through days of horrible depression earlier this year before realising it was feedback from from stomach so to speak. The various drugs had given me the stomach you get when you are TERRIBLY anxious...so I started to feel anxious. it was horrible I dragged poor leanne down with me too...and she never let go nor looked like thinking about it.

A couple of weeks later....same things...woke up in a cold swet, freakingout of my mind...this time I stuck my head down the bog and threw up and got on with a happy (relaitively ) day.

Anyway, that's just as an intersting aside.

78681 wrote: erm...not to divert attention here...but anybody know how my ankle got so swollen???

was it that lesbian? did she have a go at you?

Johnny wrote: yeah i agree with the not being "in tune" with Ian anymore ,BA.

I think my being in tune with him days are long gone,back in 84 or 87.These days they are just a fashionable name to say you're into.

Atmosphere is still great, though.i just can't listen to the whole Heart & Soul boxset !!!

totally agree Johnny....yer just grow up dont yer?

New Order fills the boots, JD just makes yer nostalgic.

errr,, why do I keep saying 'yer' instead of 'you' ?

Sorry for posting such a negative thread, if its any consolation reading the replies has made me think more positively about life. :substance:

Bugg Tutts wrote: Sorry for posting such a negative thread, if its any consolation reading the replies has made me think more positively about life. :substance:

Well as some round here who has had his fair share of CRAP(long story but maybe tell you over a pint or two one day) all i can say is POSITIVE is the way forward.I used to think i was on the CREST OF A SLUMP and HAVING A GOOD RUN OF BAD LUCK.But me ma said to me before was ill for 14 years"OUR MIKE-YOU ARE ONE SAD BASTARD".Cheered me up no end.I know NOW that i was meant to be UNHAPPY!

Bugg Tutts wrote: Sorry for posting such a negative thread, if its any consolation reading the replies has made me think more positively about life. :substance:

Glad to be of help! Now you know where to come, should you need any help again. Try and take some of the advice that has been posted, though. There's no shame in getting help if you need it.:)

Don't commit suicide, its not worth it. You'll just come back as someone else to finish out. I've tried 3 times all ready and I figured that I had a purpose, so I stopped with the non-sense of wanting to hurt myself. All it does is cause a lot of pain for your family. and a chick isn't means for killing oneself. :D

As I believe I mentioned this very day ( day for me being about 300 hours I think)...if you lot tried to admin this place like a sensible forum, particularly BCD, you;d go mental and the place would be a fucking desert. Better just shout "fuck" and leap in :D

Shug wrote: I've only glanced through this thread, some interesting points raised and well thought out responses.

Now CHEER UP ya miserable fuckers

I know, I know, us moderators should know better :D

I'm with you shug..I've seen this shit close up and it selfish an unfathomable and lasts for ever with those left behind..Its wrong.

The thing with depression is you're not thinking rationally. When you're depressed, you're not thinking about the effect it will have on the people you leave behind (I'm not including the thoughts of those who are thinking "When I'm gone yo'll be sorry"). What you're thinking about-- obsessively-- is whatever has got you depressed.

So you break up with someone, and if it transitions from situational depression to clinical depression, you think non-stop, 24 hours per day. 7 days a week, about the breakup, about the person you broke up with, about wanting that person back, about all the good times you had, about that person being with someone new, about not wanting anybody else but that person, about never finding somebody again, about nobody ever wanting you again, about never being in a relationship again, etc. etc. etc.

You start to dwell on this, and it's a downward spiral, and suicide seems like a way-- the only way-- to end your suffering. The last thing you're thinking about is how it will affect the people you leave behind.

I didn't really get that part about the people you leave behind until this past year. I drove from Oregon to New York last January, and it turned out my mother was really worried-- really worried. She didn't want me to die on the road (and she has no idea how close I came... ), and that was the first time I thought about the impact my death would have on someone else. And then a couple of months ago, at my cousins funeral, seeing my mother crying-- something she never does-- sealed it. I could never do that to her.

Years ago, back in 1983, I was in a fooked up relationship with a woman I was crazy about. Thought about suicide daily. Thought about it, planned it, practiced it daily. Then one day I went for a ride on my motorcycle (a passive suicide attempt, that motorcycle). I rode all the way to the end of a country road, then turned around and headed back to town. The sun was in my eyes, and I couldn't see out the visor, so I raised the visor, and suddenly, all the green of that beautiful spring day flooded in. It was the most beautiful, intense, living green I had ever seen. It was spring, and the world was alive. I decided in that moment that I didn't want to die. Later, after I had gotten over her, I decided that if I could get over her, I could get over anything, and that I would never kill myself over any woman-- that nobody is worth dieing over. Now when I look back at her, I wonder what I ever saw in her-- she was beautiful, sure, but we had nothing in common. Nothing. I mean nothing in common to the point that I actually find her unappealing. Time changes your perspective.

I've been depressed over failed relationships since then, including feeling suicidal. But I got help the last time, and now I understand what I'm doing to myself-- that I beat myself up mercilessly with all those negative messages I play over and over and over in my head. So when I start to slip into that, I recognize it for what it is-- me beating myself up with negative messages that simply aren't true. And now, I do what I can to head all that off by taking care of myself-- through exercise, proper nutrition, sleep. It's all part of brain care, which I actually started to deal with my ADD, but which also prevents depression. I take care of my brain, and that keeps me functioning and stops me from slipping into that kind of despair.

Wise words, Comrade Sham

Brave words.

Thank you for sharing them.

The inexpensive cognitive behavior therapy starter kit consists of a rubber band (gum band, Brits?) that your wear around your wrist. When your brain latches onto a negative thought and you start to obsess, give the band a good stretch and snap yourself. Then say, "No! Bad brain!"

Like I said, it's a cheap start until you can get some actual help.

rubber band is fine, we would also accept elastic band.

You dumbass hasn't that country taught you anything?

Buy lots of quite thick rubber bands (50,000 for 20 bucks would seem about right) get a rubber stamp. Stamp each one "cogno-ther:3000".... $89.95 for a pack of 3

EDIT: obviously you advise it could be VERy dangerous to attmept this without your book (you think of a title, i'm not doing youtr whole busines plan for you)...a mere snip at $39.95 softcover and a complete steal at $69.95 for the hardcover.

Meester Tutts wrote: Not the happiest of topics, but since I split with my long time girlfriend ,two years ago, my life seems to have descended into misery. Am I depressed? I think about topping myself at least once a day. My mood swings from happy to sad at the drop of a hat. Whats a bugg tutt like me to do?

buggtutt@hotmail.co.uk

CALL THE SAMARITANS ON 0845 7 90 90 90 (if you're in the UK, if not go see a doctor ASAP).

Counselling can make a big difference. Don't waste your life: You can find happiness again, but it's important that you get help with your grief.

Best wishes.

well the above reply (mr waters) regarding the samaritans is the most sane reply. as for doctors all they will do is shovel you pills and shout NEXT?. other than that the best advice you will ever get is to cheer up yer miserable twat. it was two years ago TWO FUCKIN YEARS,you cant blame your current state of mind on that,get over it and move the fuck on. after the year ive had i should be a basket case,but bollocks i say,ill go on an keep on keeping on cos things do get better,been there done it ect. now for some proper life rebuilding advice,SMILE IT GOES MILES.

mike powell wrote: well the above reply (mr waters) regarding the samaritans is the most sane reply. as for doctors all they will do is shovel you pills and shout NEXT?. other than that the best advice you will ever get is to cheer up yer miserable twat. it was two years ago TWO FUCKIN YEARS,you cant blame your current state of mind on that,get over it and move the fuck on. after the year ive had i should be a basket case,but bollocks i say,ill go on an keep on keeping on cos things do get better,been there done it ect. now for some proper life rebuilding advice,SMILE IT GOES MILES.

Sorry i can not agree. Depression is not a mood that you can just snap out of. Depression can however be trated. Different things affect people differently. Sometimes there may not even be an immediately identifiable cause. It is hard for people who haven't gone through it to understand, but statistics indicate that one in five people will go through an episode however long of depression. So chances are that you know somebody, or someone in your family is going through it, as I write this.