Lunatics

Do any of you have much experience with random loonies? Only i seem to have this uncanny ability to attract them whenever i'm using public transport. Over the years, when getting buses or trains (very rarely), i have had rambling nutters sat right next to me (even on a half empty bus), i've been vomited on by a trampy looking bloke, ranted at by a mad woman for some reason that still eludes me to this day, been prodded in the forehead by a man(??), and (quite amusingly) one guy who kept shouting 'Bombadier' and some other war talk at me.

Yesterday i was waiting for a train and this pissed up Scotsman came up to me asking me some question and i couldn't understand his (really strong) accent. He took great offence at this and started ranting at me, so loudly that two guys had to come and sit with me after seeing how frightened I looked. He then tried fighting some other guys and then himself.

That's the oldest trick in the book - one of your mates pretends to be mad, then you go to the rescue.

[orange]Missy Orange[/orange] wrote: Do any of you have much experience with random loonies? Only i seem to have this uncanny ability to attract them whenever i'm using public transport. Over the years, when getting buses or trains (very rarely), i have had rambling nutters sat right next to me (even on a half empty bus), i've been vomited on by a trampy looking bloke, ranted at by a mad woman for some reason that still eludes me to this day, been prodded in the forehead by a man(??), and (quite amusingly) one guy who kept shouting 'Bombadier' and some other war talk at me.

Yesterday i was waiting for a train and this pissed up Scotsman came up to me asking me some question and i couldn't understand his (really strong) accent. He took great offence at this and started ranting at me, so loudly that two guys had to come and sit with me after seeing how frightened I looked. He then tried fighting some other guys and then himself.

You can't half pick 'em. I usually get told to F**K Off when I tell customers about our Post Office car Insurance,heaven knows why...

My goodness, is that you in your avatar? You look quite mad

I'm following you.

YOO HOO!!!

I was parked outside Charlton FC the other day, when a mad old coffin dodger tapped on the window.

I wound the window down, to be told that it is against the law to have my tax disc on the passenger side of the windscreen, and that it should be above the driver's side.

When i told him eventually to 'fuck off', (he wouldnt stop going on), he proceeded to ask members of the general public to assist him in a citizens arrest. Most of them just looked bemused gesturing at him.

The man in the flat downstairs from me is one of the maddest people I've ever met.

He's also a cock.

Do I win £40?

Was at The Colosseum club in Coventry some time back watching a couple of new bands when a mad woman and her deranged boyfriend constantly kept coming to our table and accusing me of nicking her cigarettes.She was really psychotic and threatening about it.I didnt even have a cig on the go and didnt have one the entire evening.Eventually i gave her and him a taste of their own medicine and got really scary and pyschotic back to them, threatened to cave their heads in if they didnt stop accusing me of nicking their fcuking cigs.They backed off.

I later saw her discover her cigarettes in her pocket.

Well, Saturday morning at the Travel Inn in Kings Cross, and this bloke came up to me at the bar and started ranting on about how shit his holiday was, and how shit Peterborough is, and how much better London is where people are free and he's able to "express himself" more freely to complete strangers...!

Managed to get rid of him after an hour....

just another one of the reasons why i avoid public transport.

My mate was in a taxi the other week, on the way to my house as it happens, and the driver tried to convince him to go back to her house for a shag. She was drinking Red Stripe. She even switched the meter off and drove around the block a bit to give him a bot of time to think about her offer!

I was in Liverpool a few weeks ago, and in this pub there was this girl with really Orange Skin. And a very thick Bolton accent. She was a fucking nutcase. She came up to me and blew a rasberry on my neck for no apparent reason. Then fucked off. Havent a clue what she was on.

There are many people who suffer from being a freak magnet.

Sadly in Missy's case I fear it is more a birds of a feather scenario.

;)

I would also remind Jem of her pursuit of the random care-in-the-community sweeper-upper in the Star and Garter.

[orange]Missy Orange[/orange] wrote: Do any of you have much experience with random loonies? Only i seem to have this uncanny ability to attract them whenever I'm using public transport.... ...and this pissed up Scotsman

Yes! Seems to happen every time I board a bus/train. I lived in London for a while and regularly accosted by nutters in the street, but I must admit sometimes they pissed off pronto the moment I opened my mouth and they heard my broad Scottish accent! I feel obliged to apologise for my inebriated countryman's behaviour, so here's a "sorry" fae a sober Scotsman! Think my favorite nutter was the Turk I met in Amsterdam who offered me a flock of sheep and a cow in exchange for my partner. He wanted to inspect her teeth and the girth of her hips. I eventually had to tell him to fuck off when he attempted to stroke her thighs! Bloody heidbannger! I'm still intrigued as to where exactly he kept his animals in central Amsterdam?

El Jarvo wrote:

Uncle Liam wrote: I was in Liverpool a few weeks ago, and in this pub there was this girl with really Orange Skin. And a very thick Bolton accent. She was a fucking nutcase. She came up to me and blew a rasberry on my neck for no apparent reason. Then fucked off. Havent a clue what she was on.

I've seen her. Tango Woman! Fcuking bonkers. And completely indecipherable. Turns up at a lot of New Order gigs now and attempts to pop up in everyone's pictures. Very strange. I pay good taxes to keep these people indoors. Still, it's fun to offer them crisps and make them dance.

I believe she's one of Hooky's female stalkers.

There was this loonball on the train last night, sat opposite me and Karen - absolutely blinged down with gold chains, rings, bangles etc. Looked about 60 and was clearly not in full control. He kept mumbling throughout the journey "it's really not right you know, not right". Every time anyone accidentally made eye contact with them he would start going on about why he was being mistreated and it wasn't right that he had to go to Faversham!

i can take me pick

woman over the road, a few doors left - - scrawny as fuck. skagular i think. always got a black eye. knobstick hubby beats her up.

fella next door but two. lives in his vest. claims to have 15 kids. threatens the kids in the street all the time, coz they pick on his little waif of girl. she's never in. always on the street.

Johnny Nipples. street behind mine. see him in alehouse now and then. not well. always telling me how many press ups he's done this morning, what tablets he's on, and how many times he's tried to top himself.

some mad Scotch bloke further down. always mending stuff. bit of an any old iron tramp.

apart from that, full of merry old souls near mine.

J.A.K wrote: i can take me pick

woman over the road, a few doors left - - scrawny as fuck. skagular i think. always got a black eye. knobstick hubby beats her up.

fella next door but two. lives in his vest. claims to have 15 kids. threatens the kids in the street all the time, coz they pick on his little waif of girl. she's never in. always on the street.

Johnny Nipples. street behind mine. see him in alehouse now and then. not well. always telling me how many press ups he's done this morning, what tablets he's on, and how many times he's tried to top himself.

some mad Scotch bloke further down. always mending stuff. bit of an any old iron tramp.

apart from that, full of merry old souls near mine.

Fuckin'ell where do you live? Lawrence Road?

the naughty part of Liverpool

L6

not far from you prob.

[orange]Missy Orange[/orange] wrote: Do any of you have much experience with random loonies? Only i seem to have this uncanny ability to attract them whenever i'm using public transport.

You're very approachable and your voice carries - an obvious target!

J.A.K wrote: the naughty part of Liverpool

L6

not far from you prob.

Quite lively by the Canon. Live in L30 now mate.

Ness Order wrote:

[orange]Missy Orange[/orange] wrote: Do any of you have much experience with random loonies? Only i seem to have this uncanny ability to attract them whenever i'm using public transport.

You're very approachable and your voice carries - an obvious target!

don't beat around the bush. You're saying she's fuckin loud...right.

PHD wrote:

El Jarvo wrote:

Uncle Liam wrote: I was in Liverpool a few weeks ago, and in this pub there was this girl with really Orange Skin. And a very thick Bolton accent. She was a fucking nutcase. She came up to me and blew a rasberry on my neck for no apparent reason. Then fucked off. Havent a clue what she was on.

I've seen her. Tango Woman! Fcuking bonkers. And completely indecipherable. Turns up at a lot of New Order gigs now and attempts to pop up in everyone's pictures. Very strange. I pay good taxes to keep these people indoors. Still, it's fun to offer them crisps and make them dance.

I believe she's one of Hooky's female stalkers.

Fuck you very much :finger: :moon:

PHD wrote:

El Jarvo wrote:

Uncle Liam wrote: I was in Liverpool a few weeks ago, and in this pub there was this girl with really Orange Skin. And a very thick Bolton accent. She was a fucking nutcase. She came up to me and blew a rasberry on my neck for no apparent reason. Then fucked off. Havent a clue what she was on.

I've seen her. Tango Woman! Fcuking bonkers. And completely indecipherable. Turns up at a lot of New Order gigs now and attempts to pop up in everyone's pictures. Very strange. I pay good taxes to keep these people indoors. Still, it's fun to offer them crisps and make them dance.

I believe she's one of Hooky's female stalkers.

How come Barney gets angels and Hooky gets stalkers? (Not that Missy is that of course!)

FALLEN Angels Ness, there is a difference

I ALWAYS attract lunatics and freaks and not the fun kind either.......

Be interesting to see if a crazy was in the middle of a room and me at one end and Missy J at t'other what the crazy would do????

Spontaneously combust? Start ranting about tinned spam? Begin body popping? Try to light an invisible cigar?

A good few years back I'd probably start dating the bugger!?!

Have you just used small font, or are my eyes finally giving in?

We'll try that soon Minx, maybe at next NOOL meet-up, it will be full of nutters

EDIT: Ah, you've edited it now, so anybody reading this will think i'm a lunatic - very shrewd Minx.

Missy Jem wrote: Have you just used small font, or are my eyes finally giving in?

We'll try that soon Minx, maybe at next NOOL meet-up, it will be full of nutters

EDIT: Ah, you've edited it now, so anybody reading this will think i'm a lunatic - very shrewd Minx.

we can do a nutter tally, the one with the least nutters has to get the beer in for the poor soul that gets the most.

Minx wrote: I ALWAYS attract lunatics and freaks and not the fun kind either.......

Be interesting to see if a crazy was in the middle of a room and me at one end and Missy J at t'other what the crazy would do????

Spontaneously combust? Start ranting about tinned spam? Begin body popping? Try to light an invisible cigar?

A good few years back I'd probably start dating the bugger!?!

Sounds like a deranged version of that scene in Kramer Vs Kramer where the parents stand either side of the little boy on the beach. They's agreed that which ever one he ran to would get custody. Can't remember what happened after that.

*shudder*

I certainly want to be on hand to see that one.

unless they get their tits out, hey White D.

then you'll shudder even more.

Tut

I was going to keep this within Aberdeen Order but, after the Summer pops gig, my mate got kidnapped by a bunch of lunatics in a car, dressed up as a goalkeeper (shinpads the lot!), and then dumped at a school playing field. He never got beaten or robbed, and they even told him where the nearest taxi rank was. The kit was still lying on our hotel room floor in the morning when we got up.

He'll probably read this now.

That is quite mad. I wouldn't mind but it would hardly be cheap to dress him in that outfit!

White Diamond wrote: My mate was in a taxi the other week, on the way to my house as it happens, and the driver tried to convince him to go back to her house for a shag. She was drinking Red Stripe. She even switched the meter off and drove around the block a bit to give him a bot of time to think about her offer!

I hope his wife never found out :D

...have taken over the asylum.

i`ll get my coat!

while taking the subway from manhattan to queens i was sitting across from this homeless man who looked like uncle remus. he kept reaching into his pants, pulling his hand out and brushing something from his hand onto the floor. and this was a long train ride.

AgentWood wrote: while taking the subway from manhattan to queens i was sitting across from this homeless man who looked like uncle remus. he kept reaching into his pants, pulling his hand out and brushing something from his hand onto the floor. and this was a long train ride.

What, you have a problem with personal hygiene?