Worst movie ever!!!!! (o/t)

Just a little film-criticism (albeit the amateur type): What in your humble opinion is the worst film you've personnally ever seen? Here are some groan inducing ones I wish I could forget

Captain America: In which Jurgen Prochnow reminds us all how low he's sunk since Das Boot. Lackluster action, cheesy effects, lousy writing, this gives me the willies just thinking about it. So typical of comic book flicks. Here's the kicker: Jurgen's character, the Red Skull, is supposed to have, well, a red skull. He does...for about two minutes. After that it's all Jurgen.

Masters of the Universe: My vote for the single worst abuse of cinema ever. Dolph Lundgren as He-man is actually well cast, as he mumbles his lines so effectively you almost forget his Fire Island-inspired wardrobe. Also features a midget uglier than the Ewoks, and Courtnye Cox (hell, you could use this as blackmail against her!)

Random Hearts: There's so much use of people's full names in this one, you almost wonder what they were smoking. I remember my friend wanted to rent this because he's a big Harrison Ford fan. So terrible we were forced to elicit Mystery Science Theater-style commentary just to keep awake.

And the king of crap: Event Horizon.....kind of like "Alien", only without the story...or cast.....or anything at all going for it

:\puke:

Good choices there ... Commando is one of those movies that I loved as a kid, but now realise what a piece of utter crap it actually is. Although its still good for a laugh ... And theres always Alyssa Milano to look at ...

Meet Joe Black was pretty bad. I saw it in the theatre and fell asleep after 20 minutes. Didn't wake up until the credits were rolling.

Good choices for the both of you. Luckily I didn't have to pay to see the Joe Black movie, waited until it was on cable. Same results

Had to watch L'Avventura by Antonioni in one film class, and that was even more excruciating. Lots of shots of people wandering about lost on an island not saying a whole lot (that's all I remember, the rest of the time I had my eyes closed). I do like his movie Blow-Up though.

Speaking of audience participation at the cinema, there was some really bad movie I saw about 15 years ago with Susan Anton, I think, as the mother of a teenage tennis player. There were only about 10 people in the theater, and we all quickly lost interest in the lame movie. To amuse ourselves in the second half of the movie, whenever the tennis action scenes would occur, we took it upon ourselves to go "UGHHH" whenever one of the players would return a volley or serve.

As for mainstream Hollywood movies, I've gotta include Bonfire Of The Vanities. I'm sorry, Tom Hanks is NOT a Master of the Universe in any sense whatsoever. Bruce Willis was bad as the snooping reporter, and they could have picked better mistresses for that movie than Melanie Griffith. Definitely one of the worst big-screen adaptions of a book. Avoid at all costs.

Anybody ever seen the Sgt. Pepper's movie with the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton. Heard that was really bad.

I really dont get what the hell cabin boy was all about. And as a kid i liked ghostbusters 2 a lot, but no the walking statue of liberty being controlled by a nintendo remote control. i mean catching ghosts is one thing but...

Texas Chainsaw massacre...was total waste of fine film

i though 'The Cider House Rules' was the worst piece of piffle i've ever had the misfortune of pinning my eyelids back to. Don't ever watch this corny, over-sentamentalised dross unless you have a peculiar form of masochism.

The British movie SCUM. I must give it credit that the best line in the movie is "Where's yur toool." It wasn't the most horrible of movies, but the prison rape scene was pretty fucking horrible, and the ending,WTF ???? Has anyone ever seen it?

:\puke:Waiting to Exhale

:\puke:Bed of Roses w/ Christian Slater

:\puke:Serendipity w/ John Cusack and that hot british chick

:\puke: Armageddon

:\puke:Riding in cars with boys

The Exorcist must be the most over-rated film of all time, if not actually the worst.

It seems to have an inflated reputation amongst critics who don't seem to have ever actually bothered to watch it. So many times I've heard it described as the 'scariest film ever made' when its surely one of the least scary. I reckon it must have gained its reputation by impressing the kind of LSD-casualty God Bothering hippies who staggered into the seventies babbling about the book of revelations 'its in the bible man, its all there'.

I mean, man gives us Hiroshima, the Holocaust, Stalin, Vietnam war, race riots, Pol Pot, and the best the devil can come up with is... a girl who swears a lot, projectile vomiting and a levitating bed. It makes Beelzebub look like a cross between Mnsr. Creosote and David Copperfield. Honestly, that's it? That's all the devil can manage? a bunch of tacky magic tricks and some swearing? Jerry Sadowitz can do that and tell bad jokes as well. The only even slightly scary bit in the film was the bit where they give the kid a spinal fluid test (a spinal tap? _that_ was a good film) before Old Nick gets going.

The Omen films were much scarier, I mean that's how the devil would operate, via malevolent nature and accidents. Plausible deniablity, that's would be his style... if he existed.

Also I've never seen 'Cider House rules' but I remember an awards ceremony where someone praised Michael Caine's acting to the skies and then promptly undermined the claim by showing a clip from that film where he appeared to have one of the weirdest accents I've ever heard. To them what's seen it - was he _supposed_ to be playing a New England Cockney?

I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.

:\pimp2:

Anything with James Spader in it. He is fucking useless.

And anything with Richard Gere in it. He is completely fucking useless.

Originally posted by Kimberly Raymond-Jensen The British movie SCUM. I must give it credit that the best line in the movie is "Where's yur toool." It wasn't the most horrible of movies, but the prison rape scene was pretty fucking horrible, and the ending,WTF ???? Has anyone ever seen it?

Surely the best line is "I'm the fuckin Daddy now"

Originally posted by depthcharge I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.:\pimp2:

Oh so true - but realistically, how could they possibly follow up the cinematic tour de force of "Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol", surely an Eisenstein-esque thinkpiece reminiscent of Battleship Potempkin?

Also a huge thumbs down for my personal all-time stinkers: Boxing Helena, AI - Artificial Intelligence, Eyes Wide Shut, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park - The Lost World. Putrid, the lot of 'em. CTB

Originally posted by CandyTheBear > Originally posted by depthcharge> I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.> > > :\pimp2:>

Oh so true - but realistically, how could they possibly follow up the cinematic tour de force of "Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol", surely an Eisenstein-esque thinkpiece reminiscent of Battleship Potempkin?

Also a huge thumbs down for my personal all-time stinkers: Boxing Helena, AI - Artificial Intelligence, Eyes Wide Shut, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park - The Lost World. Putrid, the lot of 'em. CTB

Candy, Starship Troopers ruled! It had horrible acting, big ugly bugs and not much plot, how can you not like it? ! Really, I am embarrassed to say that I have seen this movie, but Waterworld sucked ass, and I don't like Kevin Costner :\puke: I love Starship Troopers for it's ultimate cheesiness!

top gun. top fucking gun. an ego-stroking confirmation of 80s-era american macho/hypermasculine attitudes. it was supposed to be inspirational, but nobody learned anything.

funny you should mention texas chainsaw massacre. that's actually one of my absolute favorite films. instead of a hack-work musical score (which ruins so many movies), they used a series of ambient noises and radio static, and occasionally an ancient country song would drift through. i also enjoyed the blurry, fucked up visuals. the sequels were campy comedy garbage. i am so sick of campy horror. movies have gotten altogether too FRIENDLY.

the shinning (the blood comming out of the elevators look like ocean spray. i expected a little man on a surf board to come riding on the cranberry juice any time now...)

the power rangers movie

left behind with that guy from growing pains. (kirk cameron. never watch a movie with kirk cameron!)

um, i think that's it cuz i don't see that many bad movies. i've got good taste and sense! ;)

the new order story who the fuck would wnat to watch that

Originally posted by CandyTheBear > Originally posted by depthcharge> I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.> > > :\pimp2:>

Oh so true - but realistically, how could they possibly follow up the cinematic tour de force of "Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol", surely an Eisenstein-esque thinkpiece reminiscent of Battleship Potempkin?

Also a huge thumbs down for my personal all-time stinkers: Boxing Helena, AI - Artificial Intelligence, Eyes Wide Shut, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park - The Lost World. Putrid, the lot of 'em. CTB

RandyBear, you are one wiggidy-wiggidy wack brother sometimes.

Surely Starship Troopers was entertaining popcorn trash in all it's over-the-top glory. It actually reminds me a lot of Halo, in which I've been investing a few tidy hours on the X-Box of recent. Killer.

And Kimberley agrees with me. Isn't she the one you, *ahem*.. fancy?

:\pimp2:

Originally posted by depthcharge I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.:\pimp2:

Ah Police Academy.....the finest example of Human Beat-Box acting...

That stuff gave me unrealistic expectations when I was growing up. I always figured I'd end up enrolled at such an institution, with Bubba Smith as my backup in case G.W. Bailey and his sniveling little lover Proctor came harrassing me. The Miami one was pretty atrocious, Guttenberg was MIA (good for his career, obviously), and Lassard's nephew was supposed to fill in the Mahoney role, if I'm not mistaken. Jesus Christ, why am I goin on about it?......

Originally posted by depthcharge > Originally posted by CandyTheBear> > > > Originally posted by depthcharge> > I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.> > > > > > :\pimp2:> > >

Oh so true - but realistically, how could they possibly follow up the cinematic tour de force of "Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol", surely an Eisenstein-esque thinkpiece reminiscent of Battleship Potempkin?

Also a huge thumbs down for my personal all-time stinkers: Boxing Helena, AI - Artificial Intelligence, Eyes Wide Shut, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park - The Lost World. Putrid, the lot of 'em. CTB

RandyBear, you are one wiggidy-wiggidy wack brother sometimes.

Surely Starship Troopers was entertaining popcorn trash in all it's over-the-top glory. It actually reminds me a lot of Halo, in which I've been investing a few tidy hours on the X-Box of recent. Killer.

And Kimberley agrees with me. Isn't she the one you, *ahem*.. fancy?

:\pimp2:

No accounting for taste, is there? I personally equate any of Verhoven's films with a stack of guano meself, cheese or sans cheese. Kimberly does seem to have wicked taste in music, but calling it a fancy may be a bit of a stretch, depthmeister. The LadyBear may well have something to say should I stray too far from the sleuth.

You have an X Box. Why?

CTB

Worst movie ever?

Absolutely ANYTHING with Robin Williams in it.

Talentless, irritating, flappy-gobbed, shitehawk c***.

:headoff: :headoff: :headoff: :headoff:

[Content deleted by Kimberly Raymond-Jensen on 5/6/02 11:51:33 PM EDT]

Originally posted by CandyTheBear > Originally posted by depthcharge> > > > Originally posted by CandyTheBear> > > > > > > Originally posted by depthcharge> > > I thought Police Academy 5: Assignment Miami Beach was a pile of crap. They really fucked up an excellent series with that stinker.> > > > > > > > > :\pimp2:> > > > > >

Oh so true - but realistically, how could they possibly follow up the cinematic tour de force of "Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol", surely an Eisenstein-esque thinkpiece reminiscent of Battleship Potempkin?

Also a huge thumbs down for my personal all-time stinkers: Boxing Helena, AI - Artificial Intelligence, Eyes Wide Shut, Starship Troopers and Jurassic Park - The Lost World. Putrid, the lot of 'em. CTB

RandyBear, you are one wiggidy-wiggidy wack brother sometimes.

Surely Starship Troopers was entertaining popcorn trash in all it's over-the-top glory. It actually reminds me a lot of Halo, in which I've been investing a few tidy hours on the X-Box of recent. Killer.

And Kimberley agrees with me. Isn't she the one you, *ahem*.. fancy?

:\pimp2:

No accounting for taste, is there? I personally equate any of Verhoven's films with a stack of guano meself, cheese or sans cheese. Kimberly does seem to have wicked taste in music, but calling it a fancy may be a bit of a stretch, depthmeister. The LadyBear may well have something to say should I stray too far from the sleuth.

You have an X Box. Why?

CTB

CTB, what can I say? I have great taste in music and horrible taste in movies! I am not sure why Depth thinks that there is a *FANCY* between you and I! Hey Depth, I am kind of confused at that! Enlighten me would ya! Is there something I should know? I am kinda cute and all , but I have no fans on this board!

anyone seen "i spit on your grave"? i hear it's the worst and most disgusting movie ever made. i've never seen it, but i was wondering if anyone can account for that claim.

Originally posted by snucker anyone seen "i spit on your grave"? i hear it's the worst and most disgusting movie ever made. i've never seen it, but i was wondering if anyone can account for that claim.

not as bad as I spit on your Gravy - now that is disgusting

Originally posted by Ian Pillar the new order storywho the fuck would wnat to watch that

I would love to watch it actually... anyone know where to get it?

Originally posted by Kimberly Raymond-Jensen CTB, what can I say? I have great taste in music and horrible taste in movies! I am not sure why Depth thinks that there is a *FANCY* between you and I! Hey Depth, I am kind of confused at that! Enlighten me would ya! Is there something I should know? I am kinda cute and all , but I have no fans on this board!

I wouldn't have said you have no fans on this board, Kimberly - I just think my envy of you meeting Fugazi may have been misinterpreted, is all. The quality of your taste in music makes up for yer movie taste, BTW. :happytongue: CTB

Originally posted by CandyTheBear > Kimberly does seem to have wicked taste in music, but calling it a fancy may be a bit of a stretch, depthmeister. The LadyBear may well have something to say should I stray too far from the sleuth.> > You have an X Box. > Why? > > CTB>

RandyBear, call me misguided but I do recall one of your comments in an older thread where you excitedly reported that Kimbo and you shared a number of tastes. You slapped one of these little guys on the end: and I think you even said, "I'm in love".

How I could assume that an attraction existed after those comments is anyone's guess ;)

My humblest apologies to the Bearess for any Bizarre Love Triangle connotations!

As for the box of X.. erm... Why wouldn't I own one?

:\pimp2:

Originally posted by depthcharge [quoteRandyBear, call me misguided but I do recall one of your comments in an older thread where you excitedly reported that Kimbo and you shared a number of tastes. You slapped one of these little guys on the end: and I think you even said, "I'm in love".How I could assume that an attraction existed after those comments is anyone's guess ;)My humblest apologies to the Bearess for any Bizarre Love Triangle connotations!As for the box of X.. erm... Why wouldn't I own one? :\pimp2:

Oh yeah, that. I remember now. :o Depthy, I would anyone with the good taste to enjoy the work of Fugazi or other things I really "dig". You might have earned one yerself from me if you'd chosen a better footy team to support. ;) As for the X-Box, I'm speaking as someone who hasn't bought a game console since the Sega Master System (II), so any gaming I have done since has been strictly PC-based. If the X-Box is sound, my apologies for casting nasturtiams.

Now when are you coming to Melbourne for a ? CTB

Originally posted by Fac21 > Originally posted by Ian Pillar> the new order story> who the fuck would wnat to watch that

I would love to watch it actually... anyone know where to get it?

it was released around the time the best of was havnt seen it in stores for a while dont know if london are still making them