Best phrases when describing a bird..... — Forum Archive

2 Dec 2007, 13:31

.......you would/wouldnae have a go on (and other various sayings)

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED :laugh:

I'd be in about her like a dug with a basin of mince.
I'd rather kiss a black snake with a festered arse.
As wet as a barbers soap dish.
I wouldn't get off her till the neighbours complained about the smell.
A wid get an Asbo fae the council fur the noise i'd make slappin ma swingers aff her arse.
I'd be n about her like a tramp with a bag of chips.
I wouldnae ride her into battle
Ah'd leave her face like a painter's radio!
The feckin tide widnae take her oot
It was like throwing a sausage into the irish sea
You'd get more friction opening a window and shagging the night sky.
Growling at the badger = Oral Sex.
I'd swim, mouth open, 3 miles up a river of shite to give a blowjob to the last guy that pumped her.

2 Dec 2007, 14:00

"You've gorra a face a shark would'nt nibble!" :love:

2 Dec 2007, 14:03

Shes seen more ceilings than a painter an decorator

Shes had more pricks than a hedgehog

She was that fat,I burnt ma arse on the lightbulb

Shes got a face like a well slapped arse

Shes got a fanny like a wizards sleeve

Shes got cunt lips like saddle bags

Like throwin a sausage up a close* (entrance of a tenement building)

:laugh:

2 Dec 2007, 14:12

And the first thing I thought when I saw the thread title was 'Feathery'

Oh dear...

2 Dec 2007, 14:15

Chris Nash wrote: And the first thing I thought when I saw the thread title was 'Feathery'

Oh dear...

that's two of us...

the rest are just...well...

perverts!

2 Dec 2007, 14:42

................

Three of us.........I thought this was about Jem's feathered friend...........so to speak........what I mean by that is..........

Spade. Hole.

Night x

:sleep:

2 Dec 2007, 14:48

I knew what it meant

2 Dec 2007, 14:55

Gazman wrote: I knew what it meant

yeah...well, we already knew you were one sick bastage!!!

:evil4:

2 Dec 2007, 16:04

I wouldn't toss her out for eating crackers in bed.
Those beat the socks off of silicone!
There's been more players across her grass then Wimbledon
I could suck on those legs 'til Tuesday

2 Dec 2007, 16:21

'She was like a kangaroo shagging a Space Hopper'

2 Dec 2007, 16:38

Barney, apparently.

2 Dec 2007, 19:53

:rofl:

2 Dec 2007, 20:04

Shug n' Gaz have forgot a few:

      Ah widnay go oot way her if she farted tenners!
      You could roughcast waws way that face.
      She's got breath like a burst lavvy.
      a face like a haulf chewed caramel.
      a face like a Halloween cake.
      a face like a melted welly.
      a face like a burst tomato.
      a face like the back-end of a bus.
      a face like an elephants arse.
      a face like a dartboard.

and of course a face like a well-skelped arse.

Fuck when she was born she was that ugly the Doctor slapped the mother!

On the other hand, she might well be a honey from the dunny! Then you'll be doing anything for your Nat King...

3 Dec 2007, 01:43

'I'd crawl 10* miles through broken glass on my belly,with my flies undone just to get to wank over your shadow'

*can't remember how many miles he said

3 Dec 2007, 02:05

Shes a five to three bird (nightclubs shut at 3,so by 5 to,anything with a fanny and a pulse will do), which is marginally better than being a "taxi rank bird"

:evil4:

3 Dec 2007, 02:07

Minx wrote: 'I'd crawl 10* miles through broken glass on my belly,with my flies undone just to get to wank over your shadow'

*can't remember how many miles he said

He must have been talking about you at the time Minx :love2:

:laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 02:34

Oh, I forgot something an older boy said when I was about ten: A Girl walked past wearing really tight trousers, and this guy uttered the immortal line: "I'd give anything for a lick of they piss-flaps"!

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

3 Dec 2007, 06:27

MIMX wrote: O

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

Beef curtains :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 06:38

Gazman wrote:

Beef curtains

:lol: You clatty little man!

As the Doctor said to the schizo that thought he was window dressing: pull yourself together!

So is that what you say to a woman who's sitting indelicately?

"For Christ sake shut your legs, your beef's showing"! :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 07:08

Animadversion wrote:

:rofl: :rofl:

Indeed*!*

3 Dec 2007, 07:11

Big scary witch!

3 Dec 2007, 10:11

Ball ache.

3 Dec 2007, 10:12

Gazman wrote:

MIMX wrote: O

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

Beef curtains

Bomb doors. :read:

3 Dec 2007, 10:13

Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

Looks like she stopped her motorbike from going 40 with her face... and she's still picking out the gravel....

3 Dec 2007, 10:29

English men = Gentlemen ??? :confused2:

3 Dec 2007, 10:44

EdelBrock wrote: Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

I've had this with you before..No they are fucking not,you cheeky cunt! What's your problem with English lasses,Edel? Who says it's to do with Brit birds? Brit birds are the best.End of. We are just keeping in theme with the thread....I.E. fucking about...Not every bloke who commented here is Briddish,and those that are were only talking about your lass anyway!! :nod: :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 10:59

Boatraceface wrote:

EdelBrock wrote: Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

I've had this with you before..No they are fucking not,you cheeky cunt! What's your problem with English lasses,Edel? Who says it's to do with Brit birds? Brit birds are the best.End of. We are just keeping in theme with the thread....I.E. fucking about...Not every bloke who commented here is Briddish,and those that are were only talking about your lass anyway!!

Oh Boaty you are trying too hard. :lol:

3 Dec 2007, 11:07

Mrs. Disco wrote: English men = Gentlemen ???

Yes, Banana, :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 11:09

I know how that looks Ron... :uhoh: :laugh: But I'm not trying eff all...Believe it or not,at the risk of sounding an arse,I have a few options away from NOOL,bird-wise.

However,might have been a bit hasty/harsh there..But I remember a previous post from Edelbrock slagging,specifically,Brit lasses...and just thought fuck that..

But I apologise to his lass,sympathise with,even.. :evil4:

3 Dec 2007, 11:18

Aye Boaty.

Look at the NOOL member quotient. We've deffo got the hottest ladies compared to the US.

3 Dec 2007, 11:26

Boatraceface wrote: I know how that looks Ron... But I'm not trying eff all...Believe it or not,at the risk of sounding an arse,I have a few options away from NOOL,bird-wise.

However,might have been a bit hasty/harsh there..But I remember a previous post from Edelbrock slagging,specifically,Brit lasses...and just thought fuck that..

Hey, I wasn't claiming Brit lasses are bad, I was just mentioning that most comments on here where negative... not what I think when mentioning 'bird'....

but hey, no insult taken....

3 Dec 2007, 11:33

Fuck me,you take some insulting Edel! What do I have to do ? How about..I'd bone yer mam if she never had a face like a smashed toenail ? :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 11:41

Mrs. Disco wrote: English men = Gentlemen ???

Well, you have met a few of them...what do YOU think???

3 Dec 2007, 11:49

Bad Face like a bag'o' spanners. Face like a bulldog chewin' a wasp. So ugly that her mam tied a bone round her neck when she was young so the dog would play wi her. One that I did actually use upon waking after a one nighter about ten year ago - Who the fuck put that hill there! (She weren't the slimmest lass)

Good I'd lick her out for a week. Wouldn't mind givin her DBF. Sit on me face, i'll guess yer weight.

Those were the days.

Quality thread.

3 Dec 2007, 12:05

Boatraceface wrote: Fuck me,you take some insulting Edel! What do I have to do ? How about..I'd bone yer mam if she never had a face like a smashed toenail ?

Come now! You can do better than that! I'll give you an example:

I was screwing yer sister last night, when all of a sudden she stuck her finger up my arsehole, claiming well BRF likes it this way! :laugh: :ignore:

3 Dec 2007, 12:11

EdelBrock wrote:

Boatraceface wrote: Fuck me,you take some insulting Edel! What do I have to do ? How about..I'd bone yer mam if she never had a face like a smashed toenail ?

Come now! You can do better than that! I'll give you an example:

I was screwing yer sister last night, when all of a sudden she stuck her finger up my arsehole, claiming well BRF likes it this way!

I know,she came home and said you had a micropenis :crazy:

3 Dec 2007, 12:22

Boatraceface wrote:

EdelBrock wrote:

Boatraceface wrote: Fuck me,you take some insulting Edel! What do I have to do ? How about..I'd bone yer mam if she never had a face like a smashed toenail ?

Come now! You can do better than that! I'll give you an example:

I was screwing yer sister last night, when all of a sudden she stuck her finger up my arsehole, claiming well BRF likes it this way!

I know,she came home and said you had a micropenis

Hey its not the size but how ya use it! Even if its like banging a garden hose in a 55 gal drum.... :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 12:29

She also said you had an arsehole like a welly top...

You don't know what a welly is,do you? :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 12:36

:abovelol: :spit:

She told me she could tell when yer mom was on the rag 'cause yer dick tastes different :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 12:42

You must be thinking of your own sis cos I aint got one,haha...Served Edel,served! :laugh: :shades: and tell yer faggot dad to stop pestering me! :eek3:

3 Dec 2007, 13:00

Not that I agree with this thread at all, but my favorite when commenting on someone's looks is: Got a face like a bulldog licking piss of nettles :nonono:

3 Dec 2007, 13:17

She's got a face like a burglar's dug. She's seen more bell-ends than weekends. She's seen more Jerry Helmets than Hitler. I'd suck her shit white etc etc etc......

3 Dec 2007, 13:18

.... I left her arse lookin like the Japanese flag.

3 Dec 2007, 13:40

Boatraceface wrote: You must be thinking of your own sis cos I aint got one,haha...Served Edel,served! and tell yer faggot dad to stop pestering me!

Hey my dad just called, he said just 'cause yer mom is family doesn't mean you get 'free-ones', pay up there sonny boy! :hat:

3 Dec 2007, 13:47

You two...

GET A ROOM!!!!!

3 Dec 2007, 13:51

MIMX wrote:

Gazman wrote:

Beef curtains

You clatty little man!

:evil4:

MIMX wrote: So is that what you say to a woman who's sitting indelicately?

"For Christ sake shut your legs, your beef's showing"!

"Fucks sake hen,pit yer snatch away.."

"Fucks sake hen,who hit ye with the axe?"

:laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 13:56

GlasVegas wrote: .... I left her arse lookin like the Japanese flag.

:laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 14:08

EdelBrock wrote:

Boatraceface wrote: You must be thinking of your own sis cos I aint got one,haha...Served Edel,served! and tell yer faggot dad to stop pestering me!

Hey my dad just called, he said just 'cause yer mom is family doesn't mean you get 'free-ones', pay up there sonny boy!

You tell Mr Micro Snr,when he's finished tossin your salad...don't mail me anymore,I don't give a rat's tits if he's got a two-cock gob!

3 Dec 2007, 14:20

Hey I have no reason to get into yer family's quarrels... you can tell that to yer dad on yer own time...

just make sure he uses listerine before you kiss him hello....

3 Dec 2007, 14:32

Think it was Bernard Manning to a femal audience member: "Ay up love, bet you've flattened some grass"

3 Dec 2007, 14:35

EdelBrock wrote: Hey I have no reason to get into yer family's quarrels... you can tell that to yer dad on yer own time...

just make sure he uses listerine before you kiss him hello....

Are you always this shit,knobbreath? Bet you look forward to christmas,when your old fella gives you a pootash on yer lip,with his finger after he's scratched his arse with it! :laugh:

Right,I'm done..this is childish even by my standards :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 14:36

Im no saying shes easy,but she gets called "the mattress"

:laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 21:25

Gazman wrote: Im no saying shes easy,but she gets called "the mattress"

That reminds me: In the Marine Corps females are called woman Marines or WM fer short.... WM also stood for "walking mattress"

BRF----freakin' light weight :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 21:52

like throwing a hotdog down a hallway

swinging a bat in a wind tunnel...

3 Dec 2007, 22:33

Gazman wrote: Im no saying shes easy,but she gets called "the mattress"

Is She no known as the local bike?

'Cause everycunt's rode her!

(The language on this site is fucking appalling so it is)!:(

4 Dec 2007, 05:05

MIMX wrote:

Gazman wrote: Im no saying shes easy,but she gets called "the mattress"

Is She no known as the local bike?

'Cause everycunt's rode her!

(The language on this site is fucking appalling so it is)!:(

Thats that bird "tandem",

she takes two at once

:evil4:

4 Dec 2007, 07:05

Skank.

Theyre aw cow's bar yer maw....

4 Dec 2007, 07:35

This is just hammering women a wee bit, too say the least! Best phrase to describe a bird...Warm-blooded egg-laying vertebrates characterized by feathers and forelimbs modified as wings...

So, a hen...

...or, something to get your cock into!

4 Dec 2007, 09:30

MIMX wrote: This is just hammering women a wee bit, too say the least! Best phrase to describe a bird...Warm-blooded egg-laying vertebrates characterized by feathers and forelimbs modified as wings...

So, a hen...

...or, something to get your cock into!

nice plummage... wouldn't mind sucking off a bit o' bar-b-que sauce on them thighs, legs and breasts :evil4:

4 Dec 2007, 12:00

Do not click :nono:

4 Dec 2007, 16:34

BIGINOIL wrote: Do not click :nono:

Abe Lincoln - Doggy style sex, Just before you climax, give her a donkey punch, then while she is knocked out, roll her over and jizz all over her chin and face, shave off her pubes, and sprinkle in the beard region of her jizz covered mug.

:laugh:

4 Dec 2007, 16:39

BIGINOIL wrote: Do not click :nono:

Reminds me of Rogers Profanisaurus :)

:smoking:

4 Dec 2007, 17:39

Burt Reynolds wrote:

Mrs. Disco wrote: English men = Gentlemen ???

Yes, Banana,

It is known that they have clubs where women are not allowed. That is where they say naughty and nasty things about birds or frogs or whatever the subject of the day is. After this little meeting between men, they are the most civilized people of the world. They call themselves Gentlemen and their golden rules are "NO RUDE WORD", "BE VERY KIND TO WOMEN" until next meeting at the club where they can say whatever they think in a non-gentleman way of speaking.

4 Dec 2007, 18:19

Jiphy wrote:

Burt Reynolds wrote:

Mrs. Disco wrote: English men = Gentlemen ???

Yes, Banana,

It is known that they have clubs where women are not allowed. That is where they say naughty and nasty things about birds or frogs or whatever the subject of the day is. After this little meeting between men, they are the most civilized people of the world. They call themselves Gentlemen and their golden rules are "NO RUDE WORD", "BE VERY KIND TO WOMEN" until next meeting at the club where they can say whatever they think in a non-gentleman way of speaking.

Jiphy you obviously forgot about the first two rules of fight club:

#1 - The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.

#2 - The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

You are OUT my dear fellow!

and I have no idea what you were talking about :brow:

5 Dec 2007, 01:52

Gentlemens clubs.Do we still have them? Don't even have a proper men's room for blokes only(that's not a toilet,for the benefit of jiphy,it's exactly what it says it is,a room for men only,with snooker,doms and darts...that sort of stuff)in our workies club anymore..cos the ladies want in

Still they can't have it always, and such is my present social life/prediciment..I plan to infiltrate the local coffee morning set..Previously a women only thing.

I'm sure I'll be horrified,but might get a shag with a lovely single mum or 7,who knows? :crazy: What a cracking idea!...Will report back....not! :laugh: A gentleman never tells. :knight:

5 Dec 2007, 14:50

Boatraceface wrote: Gentlemens clubs.Do we still have them?

You haven't gotten wind of this one then?

5 Dec 2007, 15:38

I read it Comrade... and it deffo says "you get ladies in there" I'll ask again...Do we still have Gentlemen's clubs? Not asking you though Comrade..You are no gentleman...No,Yoooo sir,are a cad and a bounder! :duel: :laugh:

5 Dec 2007, 17:17

Comrade Shampanyov wrote:

Boatraceface wrote: Gentlemens clubs.Do we still have them?

You haven't gotten wind of this one then?

Im a loud farter,but there is no smell

:laugh:

fuckin brilliant old yin!