Best phrases when describing a bird..... — Forum Archive

2 Dec 2007, 13:31

.......you would/wouldnae have a go on (and other various sayings)

NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED :laugh:

I'd be in about her like a dug with a basin of mince.
I'd rather kiss a black snake with a festered arse.
As wet as a barbers soap dish.
I wouldn't get off her till the neighbours complained about the smell.
A wid get an Asbo fae the council fur the noise i'd make slappin ma swingers aff her arse.
I'd be n about her like a tramp with a bag of chips.
I wouldnae ride her into battle
Ah'd leave her face like a painter's radio!
The feckin tide widnae take her oot
It was like throwing a sausage into the irish sea
You'd get more friction opening a window and shagging the night sky.
Growling at the badger = Oral Sex.
I'd swim, mouth open, 3 miles up a river of shite to give a blowjob to the last guy that pumped her.

2 Dec 2007, 14:00

"You've gorra a face a shark would'nt nibble!" :love:

2 Dec 2007, 14:03

Shes seen more ceilings than a painter an decorator

Shes had more pricks than a hedgehog

She was that fat,I burnt ma arse on the lightbulb

Shes got a face like a well slapped arse

Shes got a fanny like a wizards sleeve

Shes got cunt lips like saddle bags

Like throwin a sausage up a close* (entrance of a tenement building)

:laugh:

2 Dec 2007, 14:12

And the first thing I thought when I saw the thread title was 'Feathery'

Oh dear...

2 Dec 2007, 14:15

Chris Nash wrote: And the first thing I thought when I saw the thread title was 'Feathery'

Oh dear...

that's two of us...

the rest are just...well...

perverts!

2 Dec 2007, 14:42

................

Three of us.........I thought this was about Jem's feathered friend...........so to speak........what I mean by that is..........

Spade. Hole.

Night x

:sleep:

2 Dec 2007, 14:48

I knew what it meant

2 Dec 2007, 14:55

Gazman wrote: I knew what it meant

yeah...well, we already knew you were one sick bastage!!!

:evil4:

2 Dec 2007, 16:04

I wouldn't toss her out for eating crackers in bed.
Those beat the socks off of silicone!
There's been more players across her grass then Wimbledon
I could suck on those legs 'til Tuesday

2 Dec 2007, 16:21

'She was like a kangaroo shagging a Space Hopper'

2 Dec 2007, 16:38

Barney, apparently.

2 Dec 2007, 19:53

:rofl:

2 Dec 2007, 20:04

Shug n' Gaz have forgot a few:

      Ah widnay go oot way her if she farted tenners!
      You could roughcast waws way that face.
      She's got breath like a burst lavvy.
      a face like a haulf chewed caramel.
      a face like a Halloween cake.
      a face like a melted welly.
      a face like a burst tomato.
      a face like the back-end of a bus.
      a face like an elephants arse.
      a face like a dartboard.

and of course a face like a well-skelped arse.

Fuck when she was born she was that ugly the Doctor slapped the mother!

On the other hand, she might well be a honey from the dunny! Then you'll be doing anything for your Nat King...

3 Dec 2007, 01:43

'I'd crawl 10* miles through broken glass on my belly,with my flies undone just to get to wank over your shadow'

*can't remember how many miles he said

3 Dec 2007, 02:05

Shes a five to three bird (nightclubs shut at 3,so by 5 to,anything with a fanny and a pulse will do), which is marginally better than being a "taxi rank bird"

:evil4:

3 Dec 2007, 02:07

Minx wrote: 'I'd crawl 10* miles through broken glass on my belly,with my flies undone just to get to wank over your shadow'

*can't remember how many miles he said

He must have been talking about you at the time Minx :love2:

:laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 02:34

Oh, I forgot something an older boy said when I was about ten: A Girl walked past wearing really tight trousers, and this guy uttered the immortal line: "I'd give anything for a lick of they piss-flaps"!

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

3 Dec 2007, 06:27

MIMX wrote: O

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

Beef curtains :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 06:38

Gazman wrote:

Beef curtains

:lol: You clatty little man!

As the Doctor said to the schizo that thought he was window dressing: pull yourself together!

So is that what you say to a woman who's sitting indelicately?

"For Christ sake shut your legs, your beef's showing"! :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 07:08

Animadversion wrote:

:rofl: :rofl:

Indeed*!*

3 Dec 2007, 07:11

Big scary witch!

3 Dec 2007, 10:11

Ball ache.

3 Dec 2007, 10:12

Gazman wrote:

MIMX wrote: O

For a while I wondered what women's "piss-flaps" were for? Was that how they stopped the flow of piss? Shut their flaps; and it's trapped till opening time!

Beef curtains

Bomb doors. :read:

3 Dec 2007, 10:13

Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

Looks like she stopped her motorbike from going 40 with her face... and she's still picking out the gravel....

3 Dec 2007, 10:29

English men = Gentlemen ??? :confused2:

3 Dec 2007, 10:44

EdelBrock wrote: Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

I've had this with you before..No they are fucking not,you cheeky cunt! What's your problem with English lasses,Edel? Who says it's to do with Brit birds? Brit birds are the best.End of. We are just keeping in theme with the thread....I.E. fucking about...Not every bloke who commented here is Briddish,and those that are were only talking about your lass anyway!! :nod: :laugh:

3 Dec 2007, 10:59

Boatraceface wrote:

EdelBrock wrote: Are most of the Brit birds mingy? Alot of insults in here... I wouldn't call 'em a 'bird' but a cow...

I've had this with you before..No they are fucking not,you cheeky cunt! What's your problem with English lasses,Edel? Who says it's to do with Brit birds? Brit birds are the best.End of. We are just keeping in theme with the thread....I.E. fucking about...Not every bloke who commented here is Briddish,and those that are were only talking about your lass anyway!!

Oh Boaty you are trying too hard. :lol:

3 Dec 2007, 11:07

Mrs. Disco wrote: English men = Gentlemen ???

Yes, Banana, :nod:

3 Dec 2007, 11:09

I know how that looks Ron... :uhoh: :laugh: But I'm not trying eff all...Believe it or not,at the risk of sounding an arse,I have a few options away from NOOL,bird-wise.

However,might have been a bit hasty/harsh there..But I remember a previous post from Edelbrock slagging,specifically,Brit lasses...and just thought fuck that..

But I apologise to his lass,sympathise with,even.. :evil4:

3 Dec 2007, 11:18

Aye Boaty.

Look at the NOOL member quotient. We've deffo got the hottest ladies compared to the US.