ITS HOT~!

The weather that is.

how is everyone else enjoying the only week of fine weather we will enjoy all year?

I'm sat in the garden shouting at the Teaching recruitment website and wondering which one of my chickens is going to go first...

Yes, thats is one of the drawbacks of living in the country... sightseeing has very much been limited to my allotment and apple tree inspection today. :(

Might change if i get to the pub later!

Who could possibly be interested in any of this?

Well, I can. We're having a Barbeque tonight!

Shame one of the chickens didnt go earlier. Oh well.

Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now...

That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.

That is the post of the year.

Of every year.

to keep with The Cure theme today..

It's crap again today and as it's my fault I'd like to apologise - I've got the day off.

No, it's actually my fault for wearing something summery

It's steady in Redcar,very clement. Donkeys out on the beach weather,lovely.

Snoopy wrote: Ah, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now...

That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat.

And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin.

After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk.

Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road...

And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday.

Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April.

And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples.

So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps.

As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.

i haven't laughed so much in ages. The ' There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat'bit almost made me pass out I was laughing so hard.

Here's toooooooooooo tit Monday...

Someone from Norn Iron using the word tumescence?plagiarism, very funny though.

tumescence is easily my favourite word. Ages since I've heard it.

I'm going to use it as much as I can this weekend

i think we had 2 days this year where the weather dropped below 60 degrees.

thank god i'm moving to connecticut, where i'll have proper seasons. no more of this 'sunny and warm all the time' shit!

I did a barbeque today for a crowd in the back garden, I cooked:

Ribs home made minted lamb burgers Chorizo style organic sausages Prawn Kebabs Chilli Chicken

And to accompany: Home made Garlic Bread, Home made spicy tomato salsa, home made salsa verde, corn on the cobs, and all the other usual condiments and side dishes.

dug me shorts out for the first time this year today.Still got sand in them from Tel Aviv beach last September :sigh:

Weather there is better than here it seems.

bugger.......missed TIT MONDAY last week.Seems there are MAJOR downfalls when not working or signing on!

Oh and it IS the POST of the YEAR.

Uncle Liam wrote: I did a barbeque today for a crowd in the back garden, I cooked:

Ribs home made minted lamb burgers Chorizo style organic sausages Prawn Kebabs Chilli Chicken

And to accompany: Home made Garlic Bread, Home made spicy tomato salsa, home made salsa verde, corn on the cobs, and all the other usual condiments and side dishes.

Again, who could possibly be interested?

Biginmikitchen wrote:

Uncle Liam wrote: I did a barbeque today for a crowd in the back garden, I cooked:

Ribs home made minted lamb burgers Chorizo style organic sausages Prawn Kebabs Chilli Chicken

And to accompany: Home made Garlic Bread, Home made spicy tomato salsa, home made salsa verde, corn on the cobs, and all the other usual condiments and side dishes.

Again, who could possibly be interested?

Me. Liam - what the fuck, exactly, is a chorizo-style organic sausage????

Well, Chorizo is a preserved sausage, a bit like salami but with a shitload of Cayenne Pepper. These sausages were not however, cured. They were just made with a different type of meat than a traditional sausage, (which is more coarse) and a shitload of cayenne pepper and other herbs and spices.

and of course, all the meat was organically reared.

Uncle Liam wrote: Well, Chorizo is a preserved sausage, a bit like salami but with a shitload of Cayenne Pepper. These sausages were not however, cured. They were just made with a different type of meat than a traditional sausage, (which is more coarse) and a shitload of cayenne pepper and other herbs and spices.

and of course, all the meat was organically reared.

I KNOW WHAT A CHORIZO IS, YOU PATRONISING FUCK!!!!! AND PAPRIKA IS THE KEY INGREDIENT, NOT CAYENNE.

STICK THAT ON YOUR TWATTING BBQ!!!!!!!!!!!!