I would like to thank...

... The good old British tax payer, who is currently paying me a quite ridiculous amount of money to sit at home and do nothing.

You see, not only am i eligible for a training bursary, I'm also entitled to a fee grant, a education grant, and a maitenance grant. You're also paying for me to go and sit on the Isle of Man for three months, live in a hotel, as well as paying my travel expenses both to and from the Island, and to and from school everyday. On top of this, you're also buying me a new laptop in six weeks. I'd also like to thank you for the 500gb Hard Drive, Printer, Six Lever Arch Files, New Cd Drive, "jumbo" stapler and hole puncher you have bought me in recent weeks.

And what am i doing for all this? Apparently, i'm supposed to be training to be an RE teacher. But, seeing as the CRB people are not only incompetent, but also illiterate, i havent got mine back yet, so I cant do anything but sit at home, and cash the cheques* and plan for next summer.

So yeah, big up to you.

You know, after spending years slagging off girls who get pregnant for the money, I now realise its them who are the smart ones. The government, local councils, and god knows who else are ready and willing to throw obscene amounts of cash at people who dont deserve it, and they, like any rational person, just accepts it. And why not?

Credit Crunch? What credit crunch?

And before anyone gets any ideas, I'm still a student (I have a card to prove it) so i still cant buy anyone any drinks.

*and no, i dont get paid by cheque, but it sounds better than waiting for the money to go into my account.

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Electro-Harmonix-Clone-Theory-Vintage-CHORUS-VIBRATO_W0QQitemZ270287342413QQcmdZViewItem?hash=item270287342413&_trksid=p3286.m63.l1177

BB1200 would be nice, so would an Eccleshall

tis 65 days til exmas

nice one, next you'll be claiming working tax credit - Liam WTF did you go choose to go to Isle Man to do TTraining - why not somewhere closer to Manc, & doyou have another 9 mths off cos some red tape mummet fucked up you 'pedo-free' form, class story!!

I didnt choose.

I was chosen.

And considering i havent got an initial placement yet (3 days a week) at least i know i've got a developmental (5 days a week) sorted, which is very re assuring and means i might actually finish the course.

Le-ham. If I did'nt know better I'd almost think you are Jamie Redknapp in disguise,when he bagged Louise..Proper smug.

Well played and well done..i'm sure you hav'nt earned it.Can't fault you tho gadge,tho I want to..

Just rememeber, before anyone bites his bait, that for every £1 of your tax that goes to fund the likes of Liam, about £50 goes to pay the bad debts of nasty 3rd world dictators for guns they bought from UK companies, underwritten by HM Govt.!

I spent some years on the dole, and two years on the sick[1], so I am pretty unique, in that I do not yap about tax, ever.

Tenner says that one day we'll have to listen to Liam rant and rave about his tax bill (haven't we already?) the irony, the irony (read that like Brando's "the horror, the horror").

[1]Never let anyone tell you THAT'S the easy option, I was well fucking glad to get back to work, less stressful!

Wait while you see where he's going after that!

S____horpe.

What's going back into that?

James Thomas wrote: Wait while you see where he's going after that!

S____horpe.

What's going back into that?

or as the famous(?) graffiti had it - if typhoo put the t in britain, who put the cunt in scunthorpe?

Enjoy it while you can Liam. Cos for the rest of your professional life you're gonna have agressive inner-city kids taking the cunt out of you and/or worse. No thanks.

James Thomas wrote: Wait while you see where he's going after that!

S____horpe.

What's going back into that?

Its actually Grimsby. Which also involves living in a hotel apparently.

Boatraceface wrote: Le-ham. If I did'nt know better I'd almost think you are Jamie Redknapp in disguise,when he bagged Louise..Proper smug.

Well played and well done..i'm sure you hav'nt earned it.Can't fault you tho gadge,tho I want to..

Of course I dont deserve it. Its ridiculous.

The fact is, everyone else on my course has to pay there own fees. Despite having a reasonably well paid job for two years since I left uni, living at my mams for six months and not paying any bills, and have zero responsibilties, I dont. When i got my form back saying this was what i was entitled to, my eyeballs almost exploded. I had top ring them up and say "are you taking the piss?"

But it gets even stupider. My mates missus did the same course two years ago. She had mortgage and was expecting. got the neck end of cack all. I remember Jonno was bitching about big time because they couldnt afford to do anything.

The thing is, I could do this year, do my NQT year, decide its not for me, and I get a golden hello (3k) even though i've fucked the whole thing off. Just because i trained as an RE Teacher. And even more dumb, I could apply for a job at a sixth form, and not actually teach any RE, they'd just hve me doing Politics, Citizenship, History etc.

The point is, there is absolutely no way i deserve this money. Yet some pen pusher has decided I (and others, presumably) are and we're making out like bandits. And why not? if someone was offered a load of money, which they were apprently entitled to, even though its utterly ridiculous, what rational person wouldnt take it?

In fact, I'm pretty sure that i'm better off as a trainee that I will be as an NQT. The odd thing is, i'm 'earning' more than 15k. which is the threshold for when you start paying back your student loan, but i'm not paying it back. I'm not paying tax on any of this, or National Insurance. Yet I'm in the most comfortable financial situation i've ever been in, apart from some months when i earned decent sized bonuses. And Steve is 100% right, is one year i probably will be bitching about the amount of tax i'm paying. Because I know that some of it is going to an undeserving scrote like me who patently doesnt deserve it.

glorious grimsby! that's just down the road. you'll have to pop in for a pint. my word, they've got some cracking schools there.

it's not just sixth forms. you could easily end up at a secondary being asked to teach almost anything as a second subject. no experience necessary. strictly speaking you don't even need that pgce either, although it makes it easier and pays more. one of my heads of department has neither a degree nor a teaching qualification. shocking, isn't it?

don't you need to repay the golden hello if you don't carry on post-nqt? and you didn't ought to say 'do this year, do my nqt year,' as though it will be a doddle. it almost certainly won't be. nqt you won't know what's hit you - the workload will floor you before any 16 year old thug will.

El Jarvo wrote:

GlasVegas wrote: Enjoy it while you can Liam. Cos for the rest of your professional life you're gonna have agressive inner-city kids taking the cunt out of you and/or worse. No thanks.

Exactement! I grew up knowing most of my teachers could leather me, if needs be.

Imagine knowing these days your teacher can't lay one fcuking finger on you else they'd probably be on a register or summat somewhere and never be able to work again.

You would so take the piss.

ways n means Jarvo, believe me, out of sight 1 to 1's always come up trumps for me especially when you talk bluntly with a reminder of their addy/phone no. etc...some berns brick it but never lip you again.

El Jarvo wrote:

GlasVegas wrote: Enjoy it while you can Liam. Cos for the rest of your professional life you're gonna have agressive inner-city kids taking the cunt out of you and/or worse. No thanks.

Exactement! I grew up knowing most of my teachers could leather me, if needs be.

Imagine knowing these days your teacher can't lay one fcuking finger on you else they'd probably be on a register or summat somewhere and never be able to work again.

You would so take the piss.

I didn't witness it myself, but a high school classmate told me about the time one of the juvenile delinquents of the class took a swing at one of the phys ed coaches.

Turns out the coach was, among other things, a boxer. Two jabs and a right cross later, he dropped the delinquent.

* Years later, the delinquent-turned-real-criminal was being pursued by the cops, took a hostage, but got trapped on a highway overpass. He leapt off the overpass to his death on the highway below. The wages of sin etc. etc.

Uncle Liam wrote: And Steve is 100% right, is one year i probably will be bitching about the amount of tax i'm paying. Because I know that some of it is going to an undeserving scrote like me who patently doesnt deserve it.