Should I write an autobiography?

I came to the point in my life that I may have to write an autobiography. I've lived enough, seen bits here and there and nobody knows what happens tomorrow. Now who will read my autobiography, or who even will publish it? I don't need the answer. All honest autobiographies are for your own self. I can write up to 500 pages about my childhood, youth, music, girls, christmas gits, dinners, what I thought about politics, depictions of my friends and everything. I'm not a criminal, or junkie-turned-clean, or a posh world traveller or club dweller. Just really nobody. Even my parents are still amazed at that fact.

One has to write as if somebody will ever read your crap, that is with an eye to a potential reader mayber a follower. I'm a 20th century man, white, shy, maybe a girl at heart but male in skin and mind. I like to eat delicious food and sleep.

Any advices?

you've got the bar code sorted out already, go for it!

get someone else to do it

Will you tell us all How Not to Run a Club?

Seems like the idea of a self important ego but hey it all depends on how you write it. You can show another side of the human condition that nobody ever has the guts to write about. The story is not about how you are so important or different, but how you are just another average human being similar to everybody else.

Most people bullshit and lie to themselves and the people around them everyday... go the opposite route and be absolutely brutally honest! Point out all the stupid little daily lies that people tell themselves through out their lives, point out all the lame excuses and rationalizations individuals use to explain their daily behavior to themselves and to their families, friends, and co-workers. Relate the stupid lies everybody tells to avoid doing their work, responsibilities, and about sexuality. Recall the most lame sexual or attempted sexual experiences, don't leave out the details no matter how shameful or pathetic, especially when you were desperate and bored at 230am. Relate how many times you have masturbated and how many different places, and what type of stuff helps you beat off. Tell the intimate details of your bowel movement history, and where and why is you favorite place to poop. Tell why you choose the underwear that you do. Discuss how you kinda believe in religion even though you know it is all bullshit, because it makes you feel important. Recount on any weird habits you have developed in washing your clothes or dishes, and all the lame excuses you use to avoid doing stuff, including writing autobiographies.

Go for it, the autobiography of the average person. Has it been done?

0_o wrote: Seems like the idea of a self important ego but hey it all depends on how you write it. You can show another side of the human condition that nobody ever has the guts to write about. The story is not about how you are so important or different, but how you are just another average human being similar to everybody else.

Most people bullshit and lie to themselves and the people around them everyday... go the opposite route and be absolutely brutally honest! Point out all the stupid little daily lies that people tell themselves, point out all the lame excuses and rationalizations individuals use to explain their daily behavior to themselves and to their families, friends, and co-workers. Relate the stupid lies everybody tells to avoid doing their work, responsibilities, and about sexuality. Recall the most lame sexual or attempted sexual experiences, don't leave out the details no matter how shameful or pathetic, especially when you were desperate and bored at 230am. Relate how many times you have masturbated and how many different places, and what type of stuff helps you beat off. Tell the intimate details of your bowel movement history, and where and why is you favorite place to poop. Tell why you choose the underwear that you do. Discuss how you kinda believe in religion even though you know it is all bullshit, because it makes you feel important. Recount on any weird habits you have developed in washing your clothes or dishes, and all the lame excuses you use to avoid doing stuff, including writing autobiographies.

Go for it, the autobiography of the average person. Has it been done?

In other words: if you can suck your own cock, should you do it and end up with a mouth full of your own jism?

For fuck's fucking sake.

If you feel the urge, then go for it!

I love reading autobiographies, but I don't think I could be totally 100% honest if I wrote one - so there is little point!

I think sometimes, some things are best left unsaid.

No one would ever believe some of my stories anyway!

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote:

In other words: if you can suck your own cock, should you do it and end up with a mouth full of your own jism?

For fuck's fucking sake.

Yeh I think thats what he's saying. Except write about.... obviously.

Kath wrote: If you feel the urge, then go for it!

Was that a reply to Martin?

EdelBrock wrote:

Kath wrote: If you feel the urge, then go for it!

Was that a reply to Martin?

It's more than my life is worth to reply to Martin!

0_o wrote: Seems like the idea of a self important ego but hey it all depends on how you write it. Recall the most lame sexual or attempted sexual experiences, don't leave out the details no matter how shameful or pathetic, especially when you were desperate and bored at 230am.

You're right somehow I was arrested by an ego last night. But you're wrong about depicting sexual activites - it would be an erotic novel of the worst kind, not an autobiography. Not that you have to hide something specifically, but some things are just not that important and you depict as they come.

First I would need to find a publisher with a good deal. Money given in advance would help me concentrate on excellent writing.

MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY:

I like putting the thumb of my left hand up my arse. It feels great. I would like everyone to know about this.

The End.

I thought everybody knew that already?

I bet your school report was worth a read.........

"the autobiography of the average person. Has it been done?"

Nope, and there is a reason for that.

Have you thought of making a film of wiping your arse?

FUCK OFF wrote: "the autobiography of the average person. Has it been done?"

Nope, and there is a reason for that.

Have you thought of making a film of wiping your arse?

Maybe your autobiography would be about wiping your arse? You're so negative and I acutely feel why. I, nobody, dared to conceive an autobiography. But no, you need Bratt Pitt to read about. I'm sorry, I'm not Mussolini or Piux IX or even poor American Idol contestant.

seeing as no one's heard of you, and you've never done a worthy cause in your life - and your still alive. then no!! no one cares.

i hope your not a big fat cunt. emphasis on big. beacuse then you'd just be a big fat bastard, and there's loads of these wankers on here. ( yes you too prick - fat prick!!!) but no. you're probably ok. good luck with the journal.

|| | ||| 6217|| 8 || 3 wrote:

FUCK OFF wrote: "the autobiography of the average person. Has it been done?"

Nope, and there is a reason for that.

Have you thought of making a film of wiping your arse?

Maybe your autobiography would be about wiping your arse? You're so negative and I acutely feel why. I, nobody, dared to conceive an autobiography. But no, you need Bratt Pitt to read about. I'm sorry, I'm not Mussolini or Piux IX or even poor American Idol contestant.

That is like the whiny idea that it is unfair for a sports star or a rock star to be paid millions more than you just because you lack the same talents... life is unfair, deal with it. Maybe you could write your book based on the idea that you are a victim of being mediocre and rather unexceptional and it is not your fault. Your uniqueness is being very unexceptional and ununique, that will be your angle

Actually I realized just now that I cannot write an autobiography for I may offend or confuse a lot of people who know me, even my parents. I guess I should wait for a time when most people I knew would be dead... but then it would a funeral blend in it, not good either. I'm perplexed a bit here.

i wrote a book called "in order to dance" it was about 1988 acid house, and how it affected people , and some went back to the 9-5, some went mad, etc 50000 words then binned it as self-loathing pseudo-crock of shit rubbish made me feel a lot better do write some stuff, but then do a K-Foundation and ritually burn it at Callanish Standing stones. ( lovely place) been when i had my Alan Partridge-driving-to-Dundee-in-my--barefeet- mental breakdown. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Callanish_Stones

|| | ||| 6217|| 8 || 3 wrote: Actually I realized just now that I cannot write an autobiography for I may offend or confuse a lot of people who know me, even my parents. I guess I should wait for a time when most people I knew would be dead... but then it would a funeral blend in it, not good either. I'm perplexed a bit here.

Hey - why not just write on here, you tedious self-absorbed fucking cunt? After, all, you're pretty much half way there already.....

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote:

|| | ||| 6217|| 8 || 3 wrote: Actually I realized just now that I cannot write an autobiography for I may offend or confuse a lot of people who know me, even my parents. I guess I should wait for a time when most people I knew would be dead... but then it would a funeral blend in it, not good either. I'm perplexed a bit here.

Hey - why not just write on here, you tedious self-absorbed fucking cunt? After, all, you're pretty much half way there already.....

I don't think you're my type of a reader; you're full of hatred.

Just get it written. I reckon most people end up writing a quite different book to the one they start out writing. A point may come to you as you write and if it doesn't it's bound to have been an interesting process to go through.

But don't just write about doing it - get on with it and do it.

And don't go pitching the idea to publishers until it's at least half done and very very good.

In all seriousness yes..... get it written, get it published, get rich and pork an eastern European supermodel.

Then stick 2 fingers up to fuckwitt cynics like me.

Go GIRL!!!!

Failing that, just get yerself on Big Brother.

You could always go Anonymous, change the names of the innocent to protect the guilty, etc...

As for selling to a publisher, you may have to exaggerate a bit to sell it, take a little license with the facts without changing the story... The Girl Who Had Two Penises would make a good title to grab the attention of the editors.

0_o wrote: You could always go Anonymous, change the names of the innocent to protect the guilty, etc...

As for selling to a publisher, you may have to exaggerate a bit to sell it, take a little license with the facts without changing the story... The Girl Who Had Two Penises would make a good title to grab the attention of the editors.

You are a wit. I didnt think people like you existed in 'America'.

Will you marry me?

Why not? It couldn't be any less interesting than Bush's.

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