As English As...

Haggis!

Well, that answers the question, oft posed by the Engerlish, "what bunch of thick cunts could come up with something so utterly revolting".

Champagne is English too you know.....amazing how all those ancient ran around in Range Rovers to make the climate, as far north as Lancashire, suitable for growing the finest grapes.

As disgusting as it is in theory, for any enthusiastic omnivore Haggis is absolutely delicious.

And that's a factoid, motherfuckers.

Doctor? wrote:

Champagne is English too you know.....amazing how all those ancient ran around in Range Rovers to make the climate, as far north as Lancashire, suitable for growing the finest grapes.

i hate to be pedantic but.....

the champagne method is english*, champagne is of course a region in france, so is french

invented by cider makers i believe

There's not much truly English any more, Wales is about as English as you can get!

That said, i think as English as Xenophobia just about fits.

Never got round to trying haggis but I love black pudding.

The guillotine was invented in Halifax!

hibster wrote:

Doctor? wrote:

Champagne is English too you know.....amazing how all those ancient ran around in Range Rovers to make the climate, as far north as Lancashire, suitable for growing the finest grapes.

i hate to be pedantic

I fear I shall have to call "bollox" on that one mate :D

Of course the rest of your post was perfectly correct and there's always room for pedantry round here.

As for Engerlish xenophobia, there's a wonderful saying I picked up from a book, while attempting to describe just how racist an aging relative was, defined him as being of the beliefe that "Wogs begin at Calais". I've spoken to such folks several times, it's quite worrysome.

They may take our Haggis,but they will never take our Deep Fried Mars Bars.

Steve - you missed the point of Hibster's post, contained as it was in his final sentence (clue: the word "cider"). As ever, Dave tries to stealthily convince the world that the West Country has contributed more to Western civilization than the Romans whilst casually omitting the reality that they're just a bunch of inbred, tractor-driving yokels ridden with debilitating mental health problems caused by centuries of ingesting fermented apples.

Quaffing Scrumpy in the West Country is so much more unreasonable.I think i'll swerve it when it gets unseasonable.

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: Steve - you missed the point of Hibster's post, contained as it was in his final sentence...

Peter, you're such a reader.

PETER COATES'S BELATED REDEMPTION wrote: Steve - you missed the point of Hibster's post, contained as it was in his final sentence (clue: the word "cider"). As ever, Dave tries to stealthily convince the world the the West Country has contributed more to Western civilization than the Romans whilst casually omitting the reality that they're just a bunch of inbred, tractor-driving yokels ridden with debilitating mental health problems caused by centuries of ingesting fermented apples.

The fella stage right looks a bit like Dave actually.....

Chris Nash wrote: I love the fact that the thing that most people associate with Scotland was an Irish invention.

The kilt.

Don't believe what you may read on Wikipedia...

By 'most people' do you mean stupid Americans? The kilt isn't the first thing any non-Scots I know associate with this place. That's usually deep fried mars bars, heroin, AIDS, heart disease, violence and other more relevant stuff.

But at least we know our place in the global pecking order. And we don't elect BNP councillors or MSPs.

very hard to get scones without fruit in up there.

I just read the report again, and laughed out loud, again, at this bloke:

James Macsween, whose Edinburgh-based company makes haggis, said it would remain a Scottish icon whatever its origin.

He said even if the haggis was eaten in England long before Burns made it famous, Scotland had done a better job of looking after it.

And he added: "I didn't hear of Shakespeare writing a poem about it."

I love this aspect of Scottishness - celebrating victories and achievements, whether perceived or real, as if they've recently happened and accurately reflect the abilities, or even interests, of the modern citizen. Burns is a prime example. I don't know how many conversations I've had with Scots who seem determined to prove to me that the Baird is a MILES better poet than Shakespeare despite 1, me not giving a fuck either way, 2, Shakespeare being a playwright anyway and 3, The person doing all the arguing not having read a significant part of either writer.

Someone should write a comedy sketch where Mr Macsween, haggis in hand, bursts into William Shakespeare's office and accuses him of failing to defend the haggis properly. He could quote the dates of several battles, shout something about timorous beasties and claim permanent legal and cultural rights to the haggis and all of its descendants. I can't think that Will would put up much of a defence. It is, after all, only a black pudding with a bit more bread in it. He could just twitch his beard a bit and say "okay, but we'll keep the Yorkshire Pudding".

I once considered wearing a kilt to some formal function or other. I'd lived quite a few years in Scotland up to that point, and thought it might be a nice thing to do. I had a Scottish girlfriend at the time and I suggested it to her.

"You've no right to wear the kilt" she said.

"Okay" I said, and wore a suit.

GlasVegas wrote:

Chris Nash wrote: I love the fact that the thing that most people associate with Scotland was an Irish invention.

The kilt.

Don't believe what you may read on Wikipedia...

But at least we know our place in the global pecking order. And we don't elect BNP councillors or MSPs.

I don't see how you can aim this at Chris, he's the least likely person I know to vote BNP.

Jed Stephens wrote:

GlasVegas wrote:

Chris Nash wrote: I love the fact that the thing that most people associate with Scotland was an Irish invention.

The kilt.

Don't believe what you may read on Wikipedia...

But at least we know our place in the global pecking order. And we don't elect BNP councillors or MSPs.

I don't see how you can aim this at Chris, he's the least likely person I know to vote BNP.

It's not aimed at Chris. It's aimed - in true Shock 'n' Awe style - at every single one of us fucking Engerlish Bastards!!

Colin's wee diatribe above is very funny. However, given the militancy of the Scottish Contingent on here (and Shug), I am beginning to think he has something of a death wish.

If Colin's ex-burd or the McHaggis fella he quoted are assumed to be representative of the majority of Scots then that assumption is WRONG ya bunch of presumptious English bastards!!!

The shortbread tin, haggis and heather perception of Scotland exists only in the heads of American's, idiots like your man McHaggis, ex girlfriends of Colin and SNP voters. The rest of us couldn't give a shit about

who invented haggis who has the right to wear a plaid skirt for men bagpipes golf courses whisky tours Edinburgh Castle

We're just quietly taking care of business and winding up our emasculated, once-mighty neighbours.

El Jarvo wrote:

GlasVegas wrote: But at least we know our place in the global pecking order. And we don't elect BNP councillors or MSPs.

You don't need to.

You lot have taken bigotry to a new level. One half of your white people hate the other half of your white people.

:\ohwell:

The political and social geography has changed radically in the last decade or so. Saying the above is now about as relevant as saying that one half of Manchester hates the other half or that Arsenal hate Spurs. In 2009 that's all it means. Fortunately, nothing more sinister or life-threatening than that.

Having lived in Scotland for several years, I can say with some authority that everyone up there hates Rangers fans.

It's like the national glue.

GlasVegas wrote:

The shortbread tin, haggis and heather perception of Scotland exists only in the heads of American's, idiots like your man McHaggis, ex girlfriends of Colin and SNP voters. The rest of us couldn't give a shit about...

You may be representative of cosmopolitan Glasgow there, but not of the rest of Scotland (and, according to my Council Tax Bill at least, you are a Southerner).

As for SNP voters not being representative of the people of Scotland, aren't they in the majority?

I was walking through Edinburgh (which I know isn't proper Scotland anyway) a few weeks ago and heard someone say "HOOTS MIN..."

Alright, she didn't say that. What she said was "what's that English flag doing flying over the Castle?"

It was, of course, the Union Flag of *leave space for Cambo to put us right about the proper name for it here*.

Then she noticed another Union Flag flying above Harvey Nicks and went berserk. "That shouldn't be flying over our shops and our castles in our capital city" she shouted.

I would like to point out at this juncture that the one time I encountered any grief about my nationality in Scotland was when I was out in Aberdeen with Colin. Some might say it was because I was waving a Stoke flag around oblivious to the fact that football "is a religion up [t]here".

Others might point to the little-know fact that Col was gleefully waving his Glock 17 in the air, demanding that the beer wenches bring him flagons of ale and generally ranting about when Britons ruled the world.

I still maintain that we were harmless spokesmen for cultural sensitivity, celebrating as we were the diversity that reigns under the Union Flag.

Amen.

:)

Diamond 383 wrote:

GlasVegas wrote:

The shortbread tin, haggis and heather perception of Scotland exists only in the heads of American's, idiots like your man McHaggis, ex girlfriends of Colin and SNP voters. The rest of us couldn't give a shit about...

You may be representative of cosmopolitan Glasgow there, but not of the rest of Scotland (and, according to my Council Tax Bill at least, you are a Southerner).

As for SNP voters not being representative of the people of Scotland, aren't they in the majority?

I was walking through Edinburgh (which I know isn't proper Scotland anyway) a few weeks ago and heard someone say "HOOTS MIN..."

Alright, she didn't say that. What she said was "what's that English flag doing flying over the Castle?"

It was, of course, the Union Flag of *leave space for Cambo to put us right about the proper name for it here*.

Then she noticed another Union Flag flying above Harvey Nicks and went berserk. "That shouldn't be flying over our shops and our castles in our capital city" she shouted.

Firstly, congratulations on meeting a Scottish person in Edinburgh, they're a rare breed. And most of them speak with English accents anyway.

Secodly, using anecdotal evidence like this to back up your take on what 'Scottishness' is is pointless and irrelevant. I was in a kebab house in Kings Cross, Lahndaan at 3.30AM on Saturday past when three wankers in suits were shouting drunken racist abuse at the Turkish fellas behind the counter. And what? All Londoners hate Turks?

The SNP shot to power on the back of disillusionment with the sell-out Labour governemnt both in Holyrood and Westminster. There's a strong socialist tradition in Scotland and unlike the vote in England, when the party who's supposed to represent you sells you out the vote up here had the balls to look elsewhere. Opinion polls still show that the VAST majority of Scots don't want independence. Voting for the SNP to send a message to New Labour and being an 'SNP voter' are two different things.

Now fuck off back to where you came from.

Martin's rather fond recollection of the events in the Tunnels that night should be treated as third hand as, despite being the only one who hadn't been taking cheap speed all night, he can't remember a thing about it. I, on the other hand, have total recall, not to mention a large scar on my head.

Bizarrely, I have a baseball cap that once belonged to the bloke who instigated the violent head/wall interface event. I met him years later and we're pretty good mates now. He's still not getting his hat back though - I wore it at the weekend, ironically to cover up the very same big bald head that suffered on the night as I punted on the River Cam.

It was all going so well until WIFM came on.

ShugZV wrote: Thread. Of. The. Year.

FUCK THE ENGLISH.

1314

There you go: Shug proves my point entirely. And then some.

What the fuck happened in 1314? Let me guess - there was a battle which modern popular historians reckon the Scots won.

So fucking what?

And well done for mentioning Braveheart, that near-perfect historical resource which most of the garbage spouted by ALMOST ALL Scots is ENTIRELY based on, despite being COMPLETELY wrong and having a TINY AUSTRALIAN in the lead role.

Manchester City are still going to piss on BOTH of your 'good' teams this week and that's going to be the sporting achievement of your whole sad fucking shit little year you ginger-haired, tartan-wearing, short-arsed, bitter bastards.

There. I've said it.

:knight: