I can't believe it's not butter !!

From The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government's maths campaign.

1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and David is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and David can run at 16mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way.

2. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee if Man Utd are losing at home?

3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday.

4. Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?)

4a. How many more times have Manchester United won the European Cup than Nottingham Forest?

5. Phil Neville has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just about kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left?

6. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling United forward have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note; Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.)

6a. Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Manchester United being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Manchester United would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances.

7. Mark "The Red" lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including limited edition match day programme, a few drinks and prawn sandwiches all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team instead? (Note; round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds).

8. Alex had a hotel room booked in Glasgow for the Champions League Final. How much money will he lose when cancelling his reservation?

9. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (note answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as however much pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees are accepted).

10. Alex has won it 1 time, Bob has won it 4. Alex has one, Bob does not. What am talking about? Explain your answer (because nobody else can).

11. Juan is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Alex is very cross and wants to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex could sell him for? How many pennies will Alex lose?

12. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched by Manchester United and their supporters who thought Leverkeusen were a pushover

Tsk, fancy not being smart enough to set questions for children. Question 10 may be slightly inaccurate(though none the less salient for being so). Bob won 3 and Joe won 1.

Originally posted by K.Eric East From The Official MUFC Maths Workbook, which covers sums for practising Key Stage Two maths for 7-11 year olds. This has been introduced as part of the Government's maths campaign. 1. Roy is 78 yards away from the referee at Old Trafford and David is 65 yards away. If Roy can run at 21mph and David can run at 16mph, who will be sticking their vein-bulging forehead into the hapless whistler's face first, assuming Roy does not stop to stamp on an opponent on his way. 2. If one minute of time is taken up in a game for substitutions and one minute for injuries, how much injury time will be added on by the referee if Man Utd are losing at home? 3. Ryan is a Welshman. Express, as a percentage, the number of internationals he has missed on a Wednesday evening compared to the miraculous recoveries he made for the following Saturday. 4. Manchester United are one of the giants of world club football How many more European Cup Finals have they appeared in than Steaua Bucharest? (For one extra mark; How many more than Reims?) 4a. How many more times have Manchester United won the European Cup than Nottingham Forest? 5. Phil Neville has 30 international caps. If you take away the number of appearances when he was the only adult male in England who could just about kick the ball with his left foot, how many are left? 6. You are the referee at Old Trafford. How near to a visiting defender does a tumbling United forward have to be to earn a penalty if he goes down in the box? (Note; Round your answers down to the nearest 20 yards.) 6a. Probability. Express the statistical probability of visitors to Old Trafford being awarded a penalty. Compare this with the probability of opponents of Manchester United being awarded a penalty home or away, and then discuss if a penalty awarded to Manchester United would be awarded to their opponents in identical circumstances. 7. Mark "The Red" lives in Guildford. How much does it cost for him and his two sons to travel to the Theatre of Silence every other weekend, including limited edition match day programme, a few drinks and prawnsandwiches all round? How much could he save per week if he watched his local team instead? (Note; round your answers down to the nearest thousand pounds). 8. Alex had a hotel room booked in Glasgow for the Champions League Final. How much money will he lose when cancelling his reservation? 9. Ruud is 6ft tall and very strong and fast. How much pressure need be applied to make him tumble over in the opponents penalty area? (note answers must be in lbs per square inch. However, answers such as howevermuch pressure is applied by Ferguson to referees are accepted). 10. Alex has won it 1 time, Bob has won it 4. Alex has one, Bob does not. What am talking about? Explain your answer (because nobody else can). 11. Juan is a very lazy boy and often goes missing. Alex is very cross and wants to sell him. If Juan cost £28m to buy, how much do you think Alex could sell him for? How many pennies will Alex lose? 12. What is the total number of chickens counted before they were hatched by Manchester United and their supporters who thought Leverkeusen were a pushover

OIII!!!!!

Don you gotta admit that these are BLOODY funny though:D Especially number ONE.

Originally posted by Rocket Mick Don you gotta admit that these are BLOODY funny though:DEspecially number ONE.

yea i confess to chuckling at a few! - especially the referee ones

How ya doin anyway RM? long time no hear!

apparently we are both working again now! - or so i heard on the grapevine!!!

Originally posted by Inta-Don > Originally posted by Rocket Mick> Don you gotta admit that these are BLOODY funny though:D> Especially number ONE.

yea i confess to chuckling at a few! - especially the referee ones

How ya doin anyway RM? long time no hear!

apparently we are both working again now! - or so i heard on the grapevine!!!

Hi DON....mines a FULL two week contract.Now that's what i call GREAT!And how are you.You gotta admit that if you can't laugh at em you will

Question 7 is the trick one. Actually go and watch them play? You're having a laugh....

Originally posted by ShugZV©
Seeing as no-one else has answered the questions.....1 Keane by 4.86 yards2 Until they score, or alternatively, until they are awarded a penalty.3 98.75%4 04a 05 He would have won only 1 cap (and that's only cos Kenny Sansom had retired)6 As long as you can see air, it's a penalty6a 2% for the opposing team (3% in European games)7 450 quid fer yer average United fan, if you supported Man City, you'd make a saving of 85%8 He would lose nothing, United would release a new away kit to cover any costs9 5a x 9b2 = not much pressure at all, probably rounded down to 1lb10 This is like any current A level exam.....this is a faulty question11 20 million12 The latest figures just in are 6,900,000,000 chickens, you'd have thought they would have learned after the Monaco games (where it was 6,899,000,000 chickens)

Congratulations sir. You now have a grade B 'A'level. If you'd managed to spell your name correctly you'd have got an A. Now, do your parents give money to the Labour Party ? If so, you can go to University. If not, we've got a nice job for you as an apprentice bomb disposal team member. Two years' training, of course there's no guarantee of a job afterwards.....

Originally posted by Rocket Mick > Originally posted by Inta-Don> > > > Originally posted by Rocket Mick> > Don you gotta admit that these are BLOODY funny though:D> > Especially number ONE.>

yea i confess to chuckling at a few! - especially the referee ones

How ya doin anyway RM? long time no hear!

apparently we are both working again now! - or so i heard on the grapevine!!!

Hi DON....mines a FULL two week contract.Now that's what i call GREAT!And how are you.You gotta admit that if you can't laugh at em you will

Van Nistelrooy was back on form last night, that trump Veron is a bloody waste of space!! i despair that no one will want to buy him!!!

Anyway mines a full time job, which is rather a hinderance to my social life but at least im on a rather tasty 100mbps connection :D

How does Veron justify his price tag and his having pundits fawning all over him ? He's done fook all since he took the poisoned chalice

Originally posted by Benny's Cobweb Eyes How does Veron justify his price tag and his having pundits fawning all over him ? He's done fook all since he took the poisoned chalice

Answer.. he cant! he's hella crap in fact he's almost as bad as Emil Heskey!!

Originally posted by DoN > Originally posted by Benny's Cobweb Eyes> How does Veron justify his price tag and his having pundits fawning all over him ? He's done fook all since he took the poisoned chalice

Answer.. he cant! he's hella crap in fact he's almost as bad as Emil Heskey!!

replace emillllle with forlorn

My missus has got a better first touch than Forlan !