Right here's everything that's in the Bastard thing - took me fuckin ages - and I can just about guarantee nobody will give a fuck - cos it'll probably take hours to read. For the saddists...here we go
Barney's fleece jacket, UK Garage, Flying insects, British Transport, Dolls, Euro Pop, Trance, Radio 1, The Best Ever...compilations, Teenagers, Guy Fawkes night, Docu-Soaps, British policy on soft drugs, British Tabloids, Phil Collins, Sting, Paul Weller, Free Bird & Hotel California, Craig David, Boy-Bands,Christine Aguilera, RnB, Crystal Video, 9pm Till I Come, Jamiroquai, Tony Wilson talking, Womens cooking, Last 2 Oasis albums, Plastic footy fans, Face Painting, Seats at footy grounds, People putting on false accents (particularly Ali G), Suits & Briefcases, Plastic Tits, Mobile ring tones, Damon Albarn, Star Trek, Christmas, Michael Barrymore, Lisa Reilly, Bubble from Big Brother, Children, Pigeons, Conceptual Artists, Rugby, Posh Students, Golf, Snobs, Peter Stringfellow, Chesterfield & Surrey, Daft bird with flower who hit Prince Charles, Nick Cave, Aaron Carter, The Royal Family, Glasgow Rangers
Fat Boy Slim & Zoe Ball, Hawaiin T-Shirts, Vodaphone Advert, Boy-Racers, Englebert Humperdink, Microsoft & Electrical store geeks, PC World, Whitey's, Baseball, Winter, Traffic jams, Netscape, RIAA, Old people driving cars, Dominic Mohan, Plastic footballs, Sleet, Jim Carrey, Kylie, Geri Halliwell, Richard Blackwood, Slough, OAP sex scenes, Pink Floyd, Frost, I Will Survive, Text-Messaging, Lighthouse Family
, Paramiliataries, Leo Di Caprio, Maggie Thatcher & The Tory Party:evil: , School, Junk e-mail, Liars & Whingers, 
science & maths teachers, Hooky's Microphone
, Sunday evenings, Romantic Films
, Pontefract shopping centre, Coffee Shops, 60 miles an hour remixes, Work, London/WEA Records
Sprouts , Plastic wrapping on everything , Gary Glitter, Michael Bolton & Jonathon King.
Stacking Shelves, Maths, Westlife, Annoying Sayings, British Weather, IT Girls , Robbie Williams, Richard & Judy, Our Tune , Society Magazines, David Mellor, Michael Jackson , The Taliban, Commercials, Barney's Auto-cue, Teen heart-throbs, Hard Rock, Fox News, McDonalds, Novelty Records, Colds, Phil Thompson, Loan sharks, Direct Line Insurance, The Board of Ajax, Harry Potter, Sebsy's Housemate
American Football, Bars with a no-smoking policy , Brummie accents, Ayia Napa , Ear wax, Alex Ferguson, Cilla Black & Blind Date, People who call football soccer , MC Hammer and those trousers of his , Slipknot, People who piss on toilet seats
, PSV Eindhoven, Shaving, Frozen Veg, Jamie Oliver and his missus, Debt, Feyenoord, Glam & Disco, Comedy Ties and Office Jokers, Hangovers, Short trousers & white socks, Graphic Equalisers, Kappa Slappers,
Here's where Marty began to TAKE THE PISS
The House of Lords, The Turner Prize, Last night of the Proms, Flared trousers, Police, Cardboard found in crisp packets (instead of money prizes) Council Tax, TV Licences, Nasal Hair, Moustaches, Goatees, Arranged Marriages , Kebabs, Jehovah Witnesses , Body piercing , Stubborn Shopping Trolley's , Creaking floorboards, The Canary Wharf, The Dome, Racists/Hooligans , Hoaxers, Tinned breakfast with chips in them , Bicyclists on the Pavement , Twats who yell out of cars, People who state the obvious on Mobile Phones , Fanny farts , Bad Breath, Christmas pudding, Loose paving slabs, Trams in Manchester, Pop-up menus , Pump Action Toothbrushes , UB40 , Elvis Impersonators, The Whazzzuuppp advert, Feng Shui , Niel & Christine Hamilton, Paper toilet roll:evil: , People who wear the Union Jack, Cowboy Boots , Billy Ray Cyrus , Diarrhoea , RiverDance and last but not fucking least Cher.
Now if anyone has any wise fucking ideas about starting this thread up again - I'd think again - some other poor bastard can be judge and master, because quite frankly I've had enough
It was a pleasure not a wayward distraction....honest;)
WHISTLING 
Faye from Steps