After the success of the monty python thread here is a new place to offload random quotes. Have fun.
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The Simpsons
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I actually had a dream last night in which Harry Shearer was dead. Don't know why, and I have nothing against the man, I just for some reason dreamed that he had been killed and that it was all over the news. I'll let you know if I ever have any bizarre dreams involving the Order.
"Smithers, who's that young goat legged fellow outside my office? I like the cut of his jib."
"That's the Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your twelve o'clock."
Kirk Van Houten:
(sings badly) "can i borrow a feeling? can you lend me a jar of love? hurtin' hearts need some healing, take my hand with your glove of love"
Genius.
Homer: "Why do you mock me, God?" Marge: "Homer, that's not God, it's a waffle you threw at the ceiling last week" Homer: "Mmmmm....sacrilicious...."
Still cracks me up.
CTD
"Karma, dude karma" "Oh....i get it"
And how come NO didn't get a look in in that lolaploser episode
Lately, my signatures have been from The Simpsons. It's on twice a night here, so that usually makes for quite a few laughs. It's the little things that really make me laugh, such as the grade school films that Troy McClure narrates are from the "Resistance Is Useless" company.
OK, here's one that I'm sure Shug'll appreciate, from King Homer himself "Here's to alcohol...the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
Originally posted by Green OK, here's one that I'm sure Shug'll appreciate, from King Homer himself "Here's to alcohol...the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
Excellent stuff me ole muckeroonie
"You did a good job of busting up that place McGarnicle" "You would have got a great view from behind that desk chief" "You're out of order" "No you're out of order"
Homer: I bought my lover a chicken........... mmmmmmmmmmmmm........chicken.
Homer: Mmmmmmmm........fattening
Another classic, now i have started there is no stopping me.
Utter
"Don't flick me i am full of Chocolate" And "Do you want to lick on my szwillstik?"
Ralph
"Ms Crabbable, i Don't have a Red Crayon." "Why is that Ralph?" "I ate it"
"Ha Ha, its funny, I Choo Choo Choose you?" "Do you really Choo Choo Choose me?"
"Ms Crabbable, I just stuck my head to my shoulders"
From the Prohibition episode, which is one of the all-time bests. This gem is from Mayor Quimby.
"You can't seriously want to ban alcohol. It tastes great, makes women appear more attractive, and makes a person virtually invulnerable to criticism."
As Homer also sez: "It's funny cause it's true"
Oh yeah, sounds like a helluva birthday you had Shug. Very impressive indeed. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to head out and get me some alcohol.
Also put up a fave pic of Homer on my profile, if anyone's interested. If I worked half as hard as Homer did avoiding work like he did in the pic, then I'd be a millionaire by now, or something like that.
McBain: "It's time vor another meeting - in bed"
or the very fine...
Wiggum: "Quimby, don't forget, I've still got those photos"
Quimby: "You don't scare me, that could be anyone's ass!"
CTD
Alright here are a few of my favorites:
Ralph: "My cat's breath smells like cat food" Ralph: "I like paste"
Homer (trying to play Lisa's sax): "Sax-a-ma-phone"
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Originally posted by April Alright here are a few of my favorites:Ralph: "My cat's breath smells like cat food"Ralph: "I like paste"Homer (trying to play Lisa's sax): "Sax-a-ma-phone"HAHAHAHAHAHA
Yep, ol' Ralph is good for a quote. How could I forget "When I grow up I'm going to bovine university!!!"
Homer:
"To Alcohol!....The cause of...and solution to....all of life's problems"
Also, another good line from a soccer(Football) commercial they were making fun of:
"Soccer....greatest sport, etc....ties!!!!!!
"I sleep in a drawer"
Lisa: "We could die in our sleep at any time"
Grampa Simpson: "Now you know how I feel" (The he instantly falls asleep and starts snoring)
Ralph on the island: It tastes like..burning!
As Homer's about to jump off a building, the guy in line behind him pushes him saying "Less chat, more splat."
And from the Sexual harrassment episode, when Homer's ambushed in the shower and is knocked cold:"Simpson sleeps in the nude under this tarp, which he believes makes him more potent" or something to that effect.
From the epsiode where Homer is tempted by a coworker voiced by Michele Pfeiffer. They are spending the night in the same room after a Chinese dinner. After opening his fortune cookie,which says "You Will Find A New Love", Homer thinks about his family and starts crying.
Mindy: What's wrong?
Homer: .....we're going to have sex.
Mindy: Oh ...well, we don't have to.
Homer: Yes we do. The cookie told me so.
Mindy: Well, desserts aren't always right.
Homer(still crying): But they're so sweet.
Homer is becoming an astronaut, and in the process of becoming one, he calls up President Clinton. "I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang, it'd be you."
Homer in the snow clutching a tv close to his heart and saying :-
teacher, mother, secret lover
Homer is watching TV, and Marge and Lisa walk in and want to talk to him.
"But if I talk to you, I won't be watching TV. You can see the dilema I'm in, can't you?"
I can honestly say that I have never ever seen an episode of the Simpsons, so haven't got a fucking clue what you lot are all on about !
Mr. Burns to his assistant Mr. Smithers:
"Dogs are idiots! What would you think if I started humping your leg and started sniffing around?"
"Ummm...if YOU did it sir?"
Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.
Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
The late George Harrison on viewing the B-Sharps' reunion on top of Moe's: "It's been done."
Leonard Nimoy after saving Krusty on the Monorail: "No, the world needs laughter"
Conan O'Brien to Bart during a commercial break: "Only I may dance."
(sung to the tune of the theme from 'cheers')
when the world has got you down and you want to end your life broken home, dead end job and problems with the wife
down throw in the towel 'cos there's a place right down the block where you can drink your misery away
at flaming moe's (lets all go to flaming moes, lets all go to flaming mo-o-oes) flaming moes, flaming moes where liquor in a mug warms you like a hug and happiness is just a flaming moe away happiness is just a flaming moe away.
Homer orders a subliminal weight-loss tape but gets an "improve your vocabulary" one instead, resulting in these great lines:
"Ah, what a Machiavellian countenance"
"A sextet of ale!"
Troy McClure after the Fuzzy sex ed film: "Kids, now that you know how to do it......don't."
Bart, after learning that the school will show a film depicting the founding of Springfield back in the early days of America:
"I hope they show the time where they traded guns to the Indians for corn, and then the Indians shot them, and took the corn."
The newsman, Kent Brockman, reporting on the immininet arrival of a hurricane to Springfield:
"....and the Weather Service has warned us to brace ourselves for the onslaught of Hurricane Barbara. And if you think naming a destructive storm after a woman is sexist, you obviously have never seen the gals grabbing for items at a clearance sale."
Marge, frowning: "Mmmmmm.....it maybe true, but he still shouldn't say it."
I have a goodie.
When Homer organises the phoney kidnapping of Mr Burns son, and Kent Brockman shows on the news footage of Homer being shot.
Kent: A Bloody end for Homer simpson Simpsons watching TV: Ahhhh! Kent: One of several possible scenarios possible.
Talking Malibu Stacey doll, "dont ask me, im just a girl"
Homer, "You can't spell dishonerable without honerable."
Ralph, "me fail english. thats unpossible."
Originally posted by Alex Jacks I have a goodie.When Homer organises the phoney kidnapping of Mr Burns son, and Kent Brockman shows on the news footage of Homer being shot.Kent: A Bloody end for Homer simpsonSimpsons watching TV: Ahhhh!Kent: One of several possible scenarios possible.
I about died laughing when I first saw that part of the episode....
Say, does anyone know of an online Simpsons quote resource? I have a hard time remembering the specific quotes, so I thought it'd be good to review them so I could get it right.
I love it how the traffic report helicopter guy is called Arnie Pie and his show is called "Arnie in the Sky"... that always cracks me up!
From this week's episode:
Marge and Homer are at a big social function, Homer has his mouth wired shut.
Marge: Oh Homey, this has been the most wonderful night!
Homer: I'm horny!
From the same episode,
Lisa (looking at a movie theater trivia question onscreen):It's obvious that it's "Tom Hanks"
The announcer: That's right it's Otm Shank
Lisa: Oops..who's Otm Shank?
Apu (behind her in the next row): He is India's answer to Brian Dennehy!
Originally posted by Taboo # 7 From this week's episode:Marge and Homer are at a big social function, Homer has his mouth wired shut.Marge: Oh Homey, this has been the most wonderful night!Homer: I'm horny!From the same episode, Lisa (looking at a movie theater trivia question onscreen):It's obvious that it's "Tom Hanks"The announcer: That's right it's Otm ShankLisa: Oops..who's Otm Shank?Apu (behind her in the next row): He is India's answer to Brian Dennehy!
Who's Brian Dennehy?
Homer impersonating mr burns "hello, my name is mr burns. i believe you have a letter for me"
Mail guy "okay Mr burns, whats your first name?"
Homer, "I dont know"
Bart: Dad, what's Gabbo mean? Homer: I figure it's some guy's name.............some guy named Gabbo.
Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something. Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don't mind if I do!
Homer: (filling in a tax form) Marge you require twenty four hour nursing care, Lisa's a clergyman, Maggie's seven people and Bart was wounded in Vietnam. Bart: Cool! Marge: Homer... Homer: Shut up shut up! If i don't hear you it's not illegal!
ok i'm finished now!
Originally posted by Hink Wotsisass© Who's Brian Dennehy?
He's that fat blonde/grey actor who appears in loadsa TV/Channel 5 movies...always plays the bad guy... you know....
Liv
Marge : Homer, did you call the audience 'Chicken'? Homer : No! I swear on this bible! Marge : That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples. Homer : Mmmm ... fuzzy.
Originally posted by Taboo # 7 > Originally posted by Alex Jacks> I have a goodie.> > When Homer organises the phoney kidnapping of Mr Burns son, and Kent Brockman shows on the news footage of Homer being shot.> > Kent: A Bloody end for Homer simpson> Simpsons watching TV: Ahhhh!> Kent: One of several possible scenarios possible.
I about died laughing when I first saw that part of the episode....
Say, does anyone know of an online Simpsons quote resource? I have a hard time remembering the specific quotes, so I thought it'd be good to review them so I could get it right.
The reason I've got so many quotes is that I use the epsiode reference guide (there are two books), so I've never checked out any online reference Tabsy.
Heard a great one from an episode I'd never seen before tonight.
Marge: "When did the Simpsons become the deadbeats of society?"
Homer: "Probably when the cold snap killed those hobos"
another classic I think it was when Homer or someone was escaping prison or something and Arnie Pie in the sky gives it to Kent, saying enough is enough and he was taking over, then
Kent: Arnie this is hardly the time.
Arnie: Your not the time Kent your not the time!!!
Originally posted by Liv > Originally posted by Hink Wotsisass©> Who's Brian Dennehy?
He's that fat blonde/grey actor who appears in loadsa TV/Channel 5 movies...always plays the bad guy... you know....
Liv
he was in hudson hawk as bruce willis' partner, in leon as the gut that "looks afte" leons money, & think he was in f/x murder by illusion as the cop too.
from the one when homer works from home & gets well lardy.
the information superhighway, tells you what some nerd thinks about star trek.
to start the computer hit any key homer "which ones the any key?"
your fingers are too fat to use the phone, to order a phone wand please mash the keyboard now
a favourite was the a few good men reference when bart & lisa are quizzing sideshow bob
we want the truth you couldnt handle the truth, no truth handler you, i deride your truth handling abilities.
Mr. Burns talking to Senor Speilbergo during the film festival: "[Oscar] Schindler and I both made shells for the Nazis during the war. The difference is, mine actually worked."
:D
Homer rollerskating over Springfield Gorge: "Hey, I'm gonna make it...(starts jumping up and down) I'm going to make it!!!!!!!" (suddenly the skateboard starts trailing downward and he crashes into the gorge) Ow! D'oh! Son of a..! Ow! Owwwww......"
Homer is voicing the part of Poochie the Dog as an addition to Itchy and Scratchy. Before the recording session, he asks the person he is working with if "this cartoon episode is going on the air live?"
"No, Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live....it's a terrible strain on the animatiors wrists."
Originally posted by Green Homer is voicing the part of Poochie the Dog as an addition to Itchy and Scratchy. Before the recording session, he asks the person he is working with if "this cartoon episode is going on the air live?""No, Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live....it's a terrible strain on the animatiors wrists."
That reminds me of the best Simpsons quote EVER:
Homer as Poochie (after he's fought to have Poochie stay): "Yes I certainly do..."
At this point the animation stops and Poochie's face is frozen
Troy McClure (taking over for Homer): "I have to return to my home planet. I will never return..."
Awkward removal of Poochie from the frame, then a handwritten note: "Poochie died on his way back to his home planet."
That one still cracks me up :D :D :D
Spinal Tap are performing in a hocky stadium in Springfield
the bass player: "You know, people think there are only 5 members of Spinal Tap, but they're wrong...."
Awkward silence as nothing happens
Christopher Guest: "The lights were supposed to come on to indicate that the audience was the 6th member of the group!"
Homer Simpson- 'It takes two to lie and one to listen' 'It's hard juggling a pregnant wife and a troubled child but somehow I managed to fit in 8 hours of TV a day'.
Originally posted by Taboo # 7 > Originally posted by Green> Homer is voicing the part of Poochie the Dog as an addition to Itchy and Scratchy. Before the recording session, he asks the person he is working with if "this cartoon episode is going on the air live?"> > "No, Homer, very few cartoons are broadcast live....it's a terrible strain on the animatiors wrists."
That reminds me of the best Simpsons quote EVER:
Homer as Poochie (after he's fought to have Poochie stay): "Yes I certainly do..."
At this point the animation stops and Poochie's face is frozen
Troy McClure (taking over for Homer): "I have to return to my home planet. I will never return..."
Awkward removal of Poochie from the frame, then a handwritten note: "Poochie died on his way back to his home planet."
That one still cracks me up :D :D :D
Yep, that is a classic episode, and that scene always makes me laugh loudly. I also wait for the part where the whole gang is gathered at the Simpsons to watch the debut of the cartoon. After the underwhelming reception, I just love the way Carl tells Homer "You should be very proud, Homer, you.....uh....gotta lovely home."
The Simpsons get a tennis court in the backyard. Marge is trying to play a serious game of tennis and Homer is muckin'around with the net ... "Hey look at me Marge! I'm surfin' the Net !"
___________________________________________________________ If music be the food of love, then play on... give me excess of it !
Mayor Quimby, the philandering leader of Springfield:
" By the way, this young woman is not my wife, but I am sleeping with her. I'm telling you this because I'm comfortable with my womanizing."
Homer "I'm Max Power."
Trent Steele "Oh hey, great name"
Homer "Thanks i got it off a hair dryer."
During the episode that Homer asks the entire town to come around for a pig on a spit BBQ cookout.....Lisa loses the plot about them all eating meat - Marge, Homer, Bart and Maggie form a congo line and sing....
"You don't make friends with salad, you don't make friends with salad"
Homer: "Its a constant battle between good and evil that can never be resolved"
(in homer's mind the evil homer dances on the grave of good homer)
Evil Homer: "I am evil homer, i am evil homer"
Bart: What is his (Homer's) one weakness?
Homer (in the kitchen): Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, you might say.
After Homer views the trillion dollar bill that Mr. Burns is holding. "Wow, that must be worth a fortune!"
Two of Homer's co-workers at the nuclear plant are discussing his campaign to become Sanitation Commissioner of Springfield.
"Homer's a great nuclear safety inspector, but I don't know if I'd trust him with my garbage."
