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Just reading Shaun Ryder's column in The Daily Perv......
Bruce is driving over Sydney Harbour bridge, when he see's his girlfriend Sheila, about to throw herself off. He slams on the brakes and yells "Sheila, what are you doing?" Sheila turns with a tear in her eye and says "You got me pregnant, so now I'm gonna kill myself"
Bruce gets a lump in his throat and says "Strewth Sheila, not only are you a great shag, but yer a real sport too" And then drives off
Originally posted by Seb Briggs You think thats funny...try this one....Where does an injured insect go to?A Waspital!
who's been reading the Metro this morning then matey!! hehe ;)
Originally posted by -I:D- > Originally posted by Seb Briggs> You think thats funny...try this one....> > Where does an injured insect go to?> > > A Waspital!
who's been reading the Metro this morning then matey!! hehe ;)
bollox! I was trying to pass it off as my own as well....
what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
A wonky
3 legs and 1 eye?
A winky wonky
3 legs 1 eye and wearing a cowboy hat?
A honky tonky winky wonky
3 legs 1 eye wearing a cowboy hat and fresh from shagging his missus?
A honky tonky winky bonky wonky
3 legs 1 eye wearing a cowboy hat and fresh from shagging his missus in his native China?
A honky tonky chinky winky bonky wonky;)
Did you hear about the couple who made love in the plumbers position?
They stayed in all morning, but nobody came.
A frog goes into a bank and says "I'd like a £5000 loan"
The woman behind the counter (called Patricia Wack) says "but you're a frog - how could I possibly give you a loan?"
Frog says "My name's Freddie Jagger and I would like a loan please"
Woman says "I couldn't possibly give you a loan, I mean what kind of insurance do I have?"
So the frog hands over a brown crispy snack...
"Here's my insurance, now go see the Bank Manager, I'm sure he'll vouch for me"
So the Woman goes to the Manager, and says "Excuse me sir, I have a frog outside wanting a £5000 loan, and he gave me this thing as insurance....what is it?"
The Bank Manager says
"It's a nick-nack Mr Paddy wack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a rolling stone"
Originally posted by ShugZV what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?A wonky3 legs and 1 eye?A winky wonky3 legs 1 eye and wearing a cowboy hat?A honky tonky winky wonky3 legs 1 eye wearing a cowboy hat and fresh from shagging his missus?A honky tonky winky bonky wonky3 legs 1 eye wearing a cowboy hat and fresh from shagging his missus in his native China?A honky tonky chinky winky bonky wonky;)
Originally posted by ShugZV Sebsy, Sebsy, Sebsy
That was fookin terrible mate;)
:moon:
There are two lesbian frogs, interlocked in there lovemaking beside the pond in the warm sunshine. They carried on their session for half of the afternoon using all the sexual positions that it is possible to get in. Later they lay basking in the warm sunshine in the after glow of their lovemaking when one turns to the other and says in a husky voice, "It's true you know" "What is?" "We do taste like chicken"
That's better Sebsy baby:D
and cheers Kezzie;)
right I'm away to give my good pal Darren (pictured left on profile) a hammering at snooker - then to get 24 cans of piss for tonight's card school at the ginger whinger's house (Malky) may as well just drink straight through to tomorrow's Scottish Cup Final
I'll be back in a few hours to see if yer jokes have improved
Originally posted by ShugZV A frog goes into a bank and says "I'd like a £5000 loan"The woman behind the counter (called Patricia Wack) says "but you're a frog - how could I possibly give you a loan?"Frog says "My name's Freddie Jagger and I would like a loan please"Woman says "I couldn't possibly give you a loan, I mean what kind of insurance do I have?"So the frog hands over a brown crispy snack..."Here's my insurance, now go see the Bank Manager, I'm sure he'll vouch for me"So the Woman goes to the Manager, and says "Excuse me sir, I have a frog outside wanting a £5000 loan, and he gave me this thing as insurance....what is it?"The Bank Manager says"It's a nick-nack Mr Paddy wack, give the frog a loan, his old man's a rolling stone"
Shug thats fuckin class mate!!! quality friday avo humour 
Just think of what we could if we used all this brain power for good rather violence(You guys are killing me).
Cheers and Happy Friday!!
How do you make an Aberdonian Omelette?
Well first of all you've got to go to the next door neighbour's and ask fer some eggs;)
How do you summon a sheep?
Just shout HEY EWE
BTW
I know ye's were all wondering what the snooker score was.....Superbly Superior Shug 5 Dangerous but Dozy Darren 1
Latest special offer....24 bottles of Carling for £9.99 72 bottles have been purchased for the card night - should be good peeps;) And no late night posting as I'll be pissed as a carpenter's daughter at Graduation Time, after receiving her honours from George Dubya in his underpants;)
A woman went into the greengrocers and asked for some spinach. The shopkeeper tells her that as there was no demand for it, he didn't stock it.
The woman leaves but returns a week later and asked again for some spinach. Again the shopkeeper tells her that they don't have any, and again she leaves.
When she returns again another week on, the shopkeeper says to her:
"Look madam, spell CAT - as in Catalogue...""C -A -T" she replies
"Now spell DOG, as in Dogmatic""D - O - G" she replies
"Now spell FUCK - as in Spinach...""But there IS no FUCK in spinach...!!""That's right, I've been trying to TELL you that for the past three weeks but you wouldn't listen yer silly old sod!"
Originally posted by ShugZV Old Blue
I may use that one;)
Do I get a cut of the royalty if you do?
Paddy & Murphy sat at home watching Mastermind
"This is a piece of piss Paddy"
"Aye" says Murphy "Why don't we enter?"
Couple of weeks go by and the boys have heard nothing, then the next day the results arrive through the post....Paddy has been accepted, but Murphy hasn't...."Ah well, I'll come and cheer you on anyway Paddy"
The big day arrives, Paddy takes his place in the famous black chair...
"And your name is?" says Magnus
"Paddy"
"And your specialised subject?"
"Irish Republican Terrorism 1865 to the present day"
"OK" says Magnus
"You have a minute starting from now, Which British Prime Minister was attemptedly assassinated in Brighton in 1985?"
"Pass" says Paddy
"How many ounces of semtex does it take to make the average bomb used by the IRA?"
"Pass"
Which member of the Royal Family was gunned down in 1978?"
"Pass"
"Which year in the 20th Century did the uprising start"
"Pass" says Paddy again.....
"Well I'm sorry Paddy, but yer minutes up, and you've managed to score no points"
Murphy shouts out from the studio audience
"Well done Paddy, don't tell them English Bastards anything"
Originally posted by Old Blue What's brown and sticky?A stick.
Clive
What's brown and sticky? A brown stick!!!
What happens if you throw a black cap into the Red Sea?
It gets wet;)
Did you hear about the Crystal Palace supporter who got given an AM radio for his birthday?
He took it back to the shop and tried to exchange it for one that he could listen to in the afternoon as well.
how do you know it's a drummer standing on your doorstep?
cos he's always coming in late and he forgot the key. :D
what's the difference between a guitarist and an 18" stuffed pizza?
the pizza can feed a family of four. ;)
