People you work with

This thread has cheered me up no end

I have to say, I’ve never worked with any really stupid people, and I’ve never come across any grade A idiots in the workplace either. I have worked in some very shitty places though – only cause of the menial jobs though – not the people.

Years ago, I decided to go to England on my vacation; one of my co-workers was discussing my trip with me, and asked if I speak the language.

Comrade Shampanyov wrote: Years ago, I decided to go to England on my vacation; one of my co-workers was discussing my trip with me, and asked if I speak the language.

And do you?

I believe people of the good comrade's tribe have a rudimentary grasp of a type of simplfied dialect called "us English"

Wino...this chef....she wouldn't have been a stunning and stylish mature woman (much as in the style of honour blackman) with a taste for fine wines?

No you fool!!!! - it was me!

Steve Campbell wrote: I believe people of the good comrade's tribe have a rudimentary grasp of a type of simplfied dialect called "us English"

Hey! I received compliments on my English while I was there!

Postal clerk: "You speak English well." Blue Order/Comrade Shampanyov: "I should, I'm American"! Postal Clerk: "You don't sound American..."

Steve Campbell wrote: I always said the Russians and the Irish shared a common thread of logic.

As for the ship....look at it this way...if you run aground or loose all power....you'll be ok for bags of chum (rubby duuby/grondbait). Obviously use something more palletable for hooky bait[1]...say rancid tins of tuna.

EDIT: mil... "what brings you to the store today?" Good mood: "my legs same as most days" Bad mood: "Just looking for the right place to start my random killing spree, as a sales assistant would care to advise me"

Steve Campbell: ProCunt

[1] or even hook bait....amusing typo tho.....hooky bait....hmmmmm a BIG bass amp would catch him ....difficult to fish a rig like that but.

I've been waiting for someone to say 'my legs' but they haven't yet. All my friends have when I told them thats what I have to say - I bet all the customers are thinking it though. I don't say it when my boss isn't watching.

Comrade Shampanyov wrote:

Steve Campbell wrote: I believe people of the good comrade's tribe have a rudimentary grasp of a type of simplfied dialect called "us English"

Hey! I received compliments on my English while I was there!

Postal clerk: "You speak English well." Blue Order/Comrade Shampanyov: "I should, I'm American"! Postal Clerk: "You don't sound American..."

But, what, really, is American English? Southerners sound different from urban northerns who sound different from those out on the west coast. At my university, even though it's geographically not far from where I was born, other students and teachers comment on my accent: "Were you born in a city? You do sound like you have a bit of an urban accent." Nevertheless, English is English - and on the page, an urban American's English shouldn't be any different from that of someone from the UK or New Zealand.

When I worked at ASDA on their crappy graduate scheme, an initiative was introduced called 'Right People-Right Place-Right Time'.

Whilst in a management meeting, the store manager (called GSM in the 'trade') briefed us on it. All bar one got it immediately except for our Grocery Manager who said "have I got this right? Are you telling me, that if I have the right number of staff in the right areas of the business at the right time of day, my department productivity will go up?".

Store Manager "yeah, that's right Dave" (with a look of total bewilderment on his face). I kid you not. You get some right muppets in retail...