Christmas Telly? — Forum Archive

19 Dec 2007, 18:03

Kath wrote: I don't even look what's on - it's just the same old rubbish they pull out every year........HOWEVER.....

Corrie and 'tenders are always good for a laugh!

After that.......tele goes off in this house!

(We sit and read bible stories instead).

Contrary to what you may think, the Bible has never shied away from talking about sex. In fact, the entire Song of Solomon is dedicated to describing a couple getting it on, complete with lines like "I am a wall, and my breasts are like towers". This verse is particularly explicit, though, informing us that Egyptians are hung like farmyard animals, and can ejaculate in quantities to rival the annual flooding of the Nile.

Keep in mind, the Egyptians were the Jews' former slave masters and are the bad guys in this story. So, you know their reputation for supreme endowment was well earned when the worst their enemies could say was, "Go on! Go back to those big-cocked bastards! I hope you're happy with their enormous dongs."

The old Egyptians didn't exactly run from their reputation. Egyptian ruins are littered with statues like the one on the right (this one is Min, the god of huge dong-having). They even invented the phallic obelisk to advertise it (picture the Washington Monument, that's an obelisk). That was their statement to the world: "Gaze upon our dick tower and despair."

This passage creates a problem for many new Bible readers. Once you've read this, it is impossible to go back and read the above story of Moses killing the Egyptian guy the same way. When it speaks of the Egyptian beating the Hebrew slave, you have no choice but to imagine him turkey slapping the man. If anything, however, it makes Moses' deadly intervention all the more justified.

I'm sure this was Kath's favorite bible story...

for more...go here

19 Dec 2007, 23:58

Jeff, you DO realise that as I read that link a sound not unlike that of cartridges sliding into a pump action shootin iron was heard here at cambo towers? Some poor fucker will get both barrels soon enough...and probably on here too :lol:

As for telly....RI Christmas lectures are on biology (=not a proper science) so probably not the xmas highlight they usually are.....it's mad that they are for kids.....who's kids? DID Einstein BREED with Curie? Seriously sometimes they get to university level stuff, and others they just relate the basic stuff in beautiful ways.....but fsckin biology? yawn.

And even I am not lookin forward to the Dr special. The trailer has ruined it for me.....a real, physical object, breaching a TARDIS, a thing which in 44 years of WhoLore, has many times been desribed as not actually BEING there.....the police box (or whatever, if the thing still works) is "mapped onto" the huge interior space, it simply (by all that has gone before, rather than any sound science, which Dr Who avoids brilliantly) is not possible for any object from the outside world to enter it. And the next series looks shite.....YEAAAAH let's get rid of Martha who's clever and strong and really enjoyable to watch, and replace her with Catherine "am ah bovvered" Tate.....MASTERSTTROKE! BUT, why don't we bring the annoying obnoxious chav whore back into it as well in case anyone's still watching, it doesn't matter who difinitively we wrote her out, these idiots will swallow any bollox we tell 'em for how she came back. Balls to it I say.

21 Dec 2007, 02:14

Seems Extras Xmas Special has already been shown in the US?! :nonono:

Mate of mine said watch out for an extremely crude joke about 'fish stew'. :nod:

24 Dec 2007, 01:45

El Jarvo wrote: Seems Extras Xmas Special has already been shown in the US?!

Mate of mine said watch out for an extremely crude joke about 'fish stew'.

Posted this last week then suddenly thought yesterday ... if it's been shown in the US, then it must be over BitTorrent sites already.

It is. Sat in and watched it last night. Bit long at nearly 1hr30 and downright maudlin in places but does have some proper belly laughs - the 'fish stew' joke is indeed the hilite.

Can't imagine what the Yanks make of this though, seeing as it's co-owned by HBO. Barry and Robbie from Eastenders working in Carphone Warehouse together must be totally lost on them! It's not really a big one for international stars this - Clive Owen's in it, and also Gordon Ramsay (who I guess is an international star now?) but then you get the likes of Hale and Pace, Lionel Blair and Vernon Kay.

24 Dec 2007, 02:02

El Jarvo wrote:

King John Honest John wrote: you see. the ting about my work, is that i can't see YOWCHOWBS.

I can see 'em, but can't hear 'em. No soundcards at work.

Facking pointless really.

use your headphones!

& cambo - if nothing from the outside world can get in, how do the assistants manage it?

24 Dec 2007, 02:04

Doctor? wrote: http://www.digiguide.co.uk/

mike's got his own guide? :scratch:

24 Dec 2007, 02:11

hibster wrote:

Doctor? wrote: http://www.digiguide.co.uk/

mike's got his own guide?

The chapter on his left armpit is truly shocking.

As for folks getting in or out, that would be via the transdimkensional interface, or door as we know it.

24 Dec 2007, 02:13

fook me, an answer in under 10 minutes, do you live on the internet?

24 Dec 2007, 02:14

so the door is mapped in as well is it? stands to reason if you can do that then other things can also break through

24 Dec 2007, 02:44

hibster wrote: use your headphones!

Unprofessional! :lol:

24 Dec 2007, 02:48

hibster wrote: fook me, an answer in under 10 minutes, do you live on the internet?

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :bow: Classic comment from HIBSTER.Merry XMAS :hat:

24 Dec 2007, 02:49

Hey who's looking at my guide?

Doctor Who - Voyage of the Damned looks good on Xmas day, oh and the Queens speech

24 Dec 2007, 03:31

El Jarvo wrote:

hibster wrote: use your headphones!

Unprofessional!

Bluetooth dongle and an earpiece, should work, tho you'll look a complete wanker.

Hibster, actually, I'd been out shopping and had just that moment returned, and since my laptop (or giant remote control as it really is) was at hand, a simple refershing of the page was all it took.

24 Dec 2007, 03:40

Looking forward to this one: :uhoh:

Will he pull it off again? :nod: :\ohwell: :nuts:

24 Dec 2007, 03:48

again? didn't even know they had masturbation scenes in kids films these days!

24 Dec 2007, 04:29

Fonejacker . This geezer at about 15 seconds in sounds like Liam to me :evil4:

Also check out 4.50 in - 'The Automated Property Line' :rofl: :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl:

25 Dec 2007, 12:40

Was it me or was Dr Who a pot of poop?

25 Dec 2007, 13:49

Burt Reynolds wrote: Was it me or was Dr Who a pot of poop?

Well it was ludicrously contrived and wracked with incoherence, does that count?

Also, Kylie looked 65, and next series looks pish apart from the Sontarans (apparently either the Ben Kingsley as Davros stories were bollox or they haven't shot it yet)

26 Dec 2007, 03:35

Doctor? wrote:

Burt Reynolds wrote: Was it me or was Dr Who a pot of poop?

Well it was ludicrously contrived and wracked with incoherence, does that count?

Also, Kylie looked 65, and next series looks pish apart from the Sontarans (apparently either the Ben Kingsley as Davros stories were bollox or they haven't shot it yet)

It was alright,copied POSEIDON ADVENTURE in places,especially the big bird feeling guilty about slowing everyone down. Memorable moment was Kylie grabbing a suitcase,you're there expecting her to do something technical,but she puts it on the floor to stand on to snog the Doctor. :laugh: Oh and the Doctor is a perv. "Do you want to travel with me?" "Do you want to come with me?" ...Then you get a 60 year old bloke who wants to come,and it's "Oh I travel alone" What a bastard! New Series....The OOD are back!!

26 Dec 2007, 10:24

I kept missing Dr Who when it was on, so I've got a question: what in the name of all things decent happened to Martha? Where's she gone?

26 Dec 2007, 11:36

Christmas TV,to many fecking repeats,same old British tv then,not much new..

26 Dec 2007, 11:43

Tonight Matthew, seeing as I'm coming down with flu, will be avoiding any pubs/parties and be watching The Old Curiosity Shop on ITV.

Bugger all else on!

27 Dec 2007, 02:22

Doctor? wrote: Also, Kylie looked 65

I'm moving to Norn Iron if all your pensioners look like this! :eek3:

Perversely, I thought she looked about TEN - she's so dinky!

27 Dec 2007, 02:44

The two drive off down the motorway happily reunited.

(Andy & Maggie - final scene in Extras tonight - :laugh: )

27 Dec 2007, 02:51

King John Honest John wrote: The two drive off down the motorway happily reunited.

(Andy & Maggie - final scene in Extras tonight - )

And let's not forget Andy Millman in Dr Who! :lol:

27 Dec 2007, 02:54

watched virtually nil telly this time.

cept MOTD last night. had to watch that. a long wait up for the Reds.

27 Dec 2007, 04:18

Miss Disco wrote: I kept missing Dr Who when it was on, so I've got a question: what in the name of all things decent happened to Martha? Where's she gone?

Don't know how she come to leave,but she's making a couple of appearances in the new series,and she's in the new series of the Doctor Who spin-off TORCHWOOD.

28 Dec 2007, 02:14

King John Honest John wrote: The two drive off down the motorway happily reunited.

(Andy & Maggie - final scene in Extras tonight - )

Bizarre this. Watched the HBO version as a torrent then watched last night's BBC offering cos the burd hadn't seen it.

Names were changed between each offering! A comment about Neil Morrissey last night, was replaced by Rob Schneider (who?) in the US version and references to Russell Grant, Kate Adie and even Ruby Wax in the UK version were all again different in the US version.

The Jade Goody doll at the start was actually a Kramer from Seinfeld doll in the US version!

28 Dec 2007, 02:39

hale and pace :laugh: carphone warehouse :laugh: Gaffney :laugh: Lionel Blair :laugh:

28 Dec 2007, 03:06

Andy to June Sarpong - something like " you haven't compromised your dignity? You spent 20 minutes making porridge in your stillettos and thong" :laugh:

edit: just watched again it was

June " I want to be a serious journalist"

Andy " June , yesterday you spent 20 minutes making porridge in a thong and high heels"

June "So?"

Andy " I don't think Kate Adie started out like that"

June " Who?"

:laugh: :laugh: