Claims to Fame...

Here are my boner-fide, 100% true claims to fame:

1. I have been rimmed by Michael Parkinson, several minor royals, and the sports editor of the "Market Drayton Advertiser"

2. I have been to the Hawthorns but have never inserted hawthorns up my arse.

3. I have never been to Maidstone, Basingstoke, or Plymouth.

4. I know what Neil Warnock's cock tastes like (clue: indescribably foul)

5. I once gargled the seminal fluid of eight men for 3 hours and 27 minutes (and 34 seconds), but could only swallow half of it.

6. I have inserted various legumes up Jeff's arse, but never a marrow or brussel sprouts.

7. I once saw a film in which a man had 'sex' with a chicken.

8. I helped Colin decorate his flat in Aberdeen using our combined speciality "thick, glossy paint".

9. I have eight claims to fame that are legally possible to claim in the public sphere.

Anyone else?

Amazingly this thread hasn't yet been blocked at work... So it must be true...

Snorri xxx

Of course they're true, infidel!!

10. I know 87 different terms for vaginal secretions, excluding "fanny batter".

You want to get on the word association thread then... Plenty of scope for using them there...

Snorri xxx

I once met Rocket Mick. No wait that was a dream.

NOOLigan wrote: I once met Rocket Mick. No wait that was a dream.

Wet?

Snorri xxx

Word association? That's all a bit "last week", innit??

11. I once got a dubious infection from having pungent llama shit trapped in my urethra.

Snorrimon wrote:

NOOLigan wrote: I once met Rocket Mick. No wait that was a dream.

Wet?

Snorri xxx

I had to change the sheets.

1, My car used to be owned by the chairman of Aberdeen FC.

2, I have shagged one (1) goth.

2, I have also shagged one (1) lay-dee who was once on Top of the Pops when she was at number one in the pop charts.

3, I am Biginoil.

4, I went to the pub last night, despite it being a Monday.

5, My correct title is Reverend, as I was ordained in an internet ceremony some years ago. Robbie Williams has the same honour.

6, (Inspired by Frad's no 10) I swear like a trooper.

Dionne Warwick's Coke Habit wrote: 1, My car used to be owned by the chairman of Aberdeen FC.

2, I have shagged one (1) goth.

2, I have also shagged one (1) lay-dee who was once on Top of the Pops when she was at number one in the pop charts.

3, I am Biginoil.

4, I went to the pub last night, despite it being a Monday.

5, My correct title is Reverend, as I was ordained in an internet ceremony some years ago. Robbie Williams has the same honour.

Plese tell me it was either (a) Carol Decker or (b) that lass from Dee-Lite???

It was indeed either Carol Decker or the one from Dee Lite.

Or maybe it was her who sang the Top Gun theme. I was obsessed with her.

You could say she 'took my breath away'.

(See what I did there?)

You're being much too coy for this thread, Rev. Torr.

Please therefore tell us (a) did she take it up the wrong 'un, and (b) did she have a tasty fanny (ie - lasagne? burger? cheese on toast? britvic orange? lobster? etc?)

This thread still hasn't been blocked... You'll have to try harder lads...

Snorri xxx

TONY PULIS'S LOVE TRUNCHEON wrote: You're being much too coy for this thread, Rev. Torr.

Please therefore tell us (a) did she take it up the wrong 'un, and (b) did she have a tasty fanny (ie - lasagne? burger? cheese on toast? britvic orange? lobster? etc?)

Did ye put yer purple-headed love monster up her ladybum...

Snorrimon wrote: This thread still hasn't been blocked... You'll have to try harder lads...

Snorri xxx

Do flesh coloured images work?

Crikey!! What is that whole snake/lass thing?? Like in "Blade Runner".....????

Anyway:

12. My real name is Larry Spunkbubble.

TONY PULIS'S LOVE TRUNCHEON wrote: Crikey!! What is that whole snake/lass thing?? Like in "Blade Runner".....????

Anyway:

12. My real name is Larry Spunkbubble.

That is my new favorite Canadian/Australian Tara Moss. She's a former model. As an author she is a bit hit and miss. I believe those pix are from Spanish Playboy.

I am Nooligan and am on many a NOOLer's hate list. In a former life I met a few Prime Ministers and wrote two chapters of the Australian Bureau of Statistics' annual Yearbook. I should have died on four occasions, but I can not die. I'm sure there's more like getting drunk with Australian singer Paul Kelly on the ANU fire escape stairs, but I can't be fooked to try and remember.

NOOLigan wrote:

TONY PULIS'S LOVE TRUNCHEON wrote: Crikey!! What is that whole snake/lass thing?? Like in "Blade Runner".....????

Anyway:

12. My real name is Larry Spunkbubble.

That is my new favorite Canadian/Australian Tara Moss. She's a former model. As an author she is a bit hit and miss. I believe those pix are from Spanish Playboy.

Yes, but does she take it up the wrong 'un?

TONY PULIS'S LOVE TRUNCHEON wrote:

NOOLigan wrote:

TONY PULIS'S LOVE TRUNCHEON wrote: Crikey!! What is that whole snake/lass thing?? Like in "Blade Runner".....????

Anyway:

12. My real name is Larry Spunkbubble.

That is my new favorite Canadian/Australian Tara Moss. She's a former model. As an author she is a bit hit and miss. I believe those pix are from Spanish Playboy.

Yes, but does she take it up the wrong 'un?

Um you'd better read her books then. ;) She is quite kinky.

Snorrie. Is this thread fucked for you yet?

I once made my ringpiece available to the entire New Zealand rugby team.

When I was 12 I seduced Princess Anne and Maggie Thatch for a deeply despicable threesome.

I am responsible for 75% of missing cats on the island of Ireland (they're SO fragile).

I have successfully suicide bombed a unisex hairdressers, 3 times.

I plan to destroy the world using only paris hilton's mouldy yet capacious cuntflaps.

I once had a coherent conversation with Jemma after 2 bottles of Shiraz.

(OK, one of them's a lie)

Good work, Steve. I've now got a semi-lob on and a little bit of jizz has just seeped out.

Glad you avoided any techno-bobbins. That's a one-way ticket to floppy-cock land as far as I'm concerned.

10. I know 87 different terms for vaginal secretions, excluding "fanny batter".

What are the other 86?

I would never discuss the taste of a lady's soup with anyone. I am a gentleman.

I am, however, happy to disclose that the pop star's pubes were the colour of Tango.

I have another claim to fame. When the statue of Prince Hal that stands in centre of Stratford was damaged by vandals, the sculptor who repaired it modeled Hal's by copying my own pert example.

Or was it Falstaf's belly?

Digi Mike wrote:

10. I know 87 different terms for vaginal secretions, excluding "fanny batter".

What are the other 86?

This is sacred and arcane knowledge, Mike. You have to suck me off once for each term.

It'll be worth it.

The tesco bomb threat bloke was in court last week.i now know who he is.he was brought up round the corner from me.his brother was in a local punk band called 'schoolgirl bitch' in 1977. anyway he beat me up when i was a kid!!.so does that count has a claim to fame ?

Can someone provide me with a summary of the second half of page 1 of this thread, as I'm suffering from blockage... Keep it clean and I'll make it worth your while...

Snorri xxx

banshee wrote: The tesco bomb threat bloke was in court last week.i now know who he is.he was brought up round the corner from me.his brother was in a local punk band called 'schoolgirl bitch' in 1977. anyway he beat me up when i was a kid!!.so does that count has a claim to fame ?

That depends, Bansh. Did he wank all over your face as well?

Snorrimon wrote: Can someone provide me with a summary of the second half of page 1 of this thread, as I'm suffering from blockage... Keep it clean and I'll make it worth your while...

Snorri xxx

Theyre talkin about ye mate